Worried about libido post-op

I have put a lot of thought into how to post my problem and please bear with me as I know I don't always get things across like they should but here goes........

ONE of my biggest worries as I face this surgery is my sex drive. After being treated like a number at the gyn office I finally spoke up, very frankly, and said "Whoa.....and listen please" I am worried about my sex drive. I am in a two year relationship and have the best sex ever. Better than in my 20's or 30's. I know it seems trivial and menial to some but worries me profusely. I am not worried about the relationship or the sex life in it. The doctor looked at me and said "Good sex does not come from a uterus".......well no kiddin (I knew that) He proceeded to say "Good sex comes from the heart and from a good monogomous(sp) relationship" Now I don't need a lecture in morals and I am getting more knowlegable about what is going to happen to my body.........Will I be ok? Thank you for being my sounding board once again.

That is a subject of great debate. From everything I have seen, heard and been told, it is different for every woman. Some say it's better afterwards, some say it's the same, some say it's worse, and some say it's neither better or worse, just different.
It also makes a difference how much they are taking out during your hyst. If you are able to keep your cervix, there is less chance of the hyst affecting your sex life.
And, on a lighter note, at least you are in a relationship - I keep thinking that I ought to have sex before my hyst, just in case it is different afterwards, but have no one to have sex with, and can't just go out and pick someone up for a one night stand!!! (sigh, darn morals.)

jani50:

First: Congrats on your terrific relationship. I answered a similar question elsewhere and so am copying/pasting here; hope it helps. Feel free to ask any questions of me; just want to help anyway I can...

Take care.

I'm a long-time veteran (been 30 yrs. now) and I can tell you that for me (and from what've read and heard I'm not alone) any "no more orgasms" has much to do with hormonal balance and not a direct result of the hysterectomy.

"Since we're "among friends here" <s> I'll be frank: Directly after my TAH--no change in sex drive, orgasms, etc. Later, when my hormones were zeroed out I went from "I remember how nice it was and can get worked up with effort (psyching myself up)" to "I remember but there's a short-circuit between my brain and the southern region" to (the worst) "Can't remember. Don't care. Besides, it hurts too much!"

Ok, so much for the worst case scenario.

...Once I found a doctor that would work with me, got on Premarin (since I couldn't take estinyl, by any brand name!) and started getting my estrogen back up I went through a second puberty! LOL Acne, oily hair and a libido that went from 0 to 60 at all kinds of odd times.

So saying I can assure you that you don't need to kiss your lovelife good-bye and even if you do go into a short-term, temporary menopause due to "ovary shock" (where the factory closes for repairs) that can be dealt with via short-term HRT (so be sure to make your doctor aware of any/all symptoms and concerns you have)."

After scheduling my date on Monday and experiencing anxiety attacks yesterday, I am finally coming to terms with it today. Good luck to you Amy and without people like you, YankeeLady, the rest of us would have no one to help with our questions. Thank you both very much!

I opted to keep my cervix. Seems like the ones who don't or can't, have more issues because of the vaginal cuff. My sex life is the same as before, thank goodness. That was my biggest worry as well, I didn't want to end up a dried up old prune. So basically, I lost about 5 pounds afterwards, don't have periods anymore and my sex life is the same, it's a win win situation!! Best of luck to you all!!

Jani50--Don't be surprised if, between now and then you ride a roller-coaster of emotions (feeling fine about the decision followed by sheer panic, etc...) that, too, is perfectly natural.

Good reading in the meantime "How To Survive The Loss of a Love" (Cosgrove, McWilliams and...???) Helps you understand the loss-->healing process from 3 important pts. of view: The Psychological/Emotional, Aesthetic (poetry) and Medical (Physical reality). Only "self-help" book I ever really found a use for! <s>

Take care and keep us posted. I'm sure you're going to be fine.

Hi jani50!

I'm glad you asked your doctor that important question. It's not always a topic that's easy to bring up at appointments.

I would like to mention that it was my experience that good sex did not come from the heart and from a good monogamous relationship. In my case, my libido completely disappeared post hysterectomy/oophorectomy and it didn't matter how much I loved my husband of 26 years. Love and a wonderful partner along with a positive attitude didn't take the place of what was missing. The hormones my ovaries produced were gone, and the hormone therapy I was prescribed wasn't working to replace what I lost. Thus began my long trek through the Hormone Jungle in pursuit of the right combination of hormones to get me back to being a normal, functioning partner. I was well over a year post-op before I finally felt balanced. Unfortunately, once balanced doesn't mean always balanced and I have had to rework my hormone therapy several times. It's a time-consuming process requiring trial and error and a lot of patience.

It's good that you will be able to keep your ovaries, and hopefully post-op they will work as well for you as they do now. However, one has only to read through posts in the Post-Op and Sexual Dysfunction forums to realize that ovaries don't always function as well post-op as they did pre-op. While it's true that hormones can be supplemented, it's often a tedious process to figure out which are needed and in which amounts, even with hormone testing.

I think it's important to go into this aware of possible consequences and be as certain as possible that there is no alternative to having the hysterectomy. Chances are you'll do just fine, but that's not something anyone--your doctor or members of this site--can guarantee.

I wish you the best possible outcome for your upcoming surgery!

s

-April Dawn-

Ooo! Good point!! <s> "I would like to mention that it was my experience that good sex did not come from the heart and from a good monogamous relationship...my libido completely disappeared post hysterectomy/oophorectomy...Love and a wonderful partner along with a positive attitude didn't take the place of what was missing."

I think doctors are trying to recognize that intimacy (cuddling, talking, etc.) is indeed a part of a good relationship but they've yet to balance their understanding with the need for the hormonal building blocks. Therein lies the rub--if we don't push and say "That's not the problem, I have a physical/hormonal need to address." it's not going to get better.

To that end I'm going to memorize your statement--it wraps it up so well! <s> Thanks for being so succinct!

I am three months post op from TAH including removal of ovaries and cervix. During the first six to seven weeks, I felt absolutely nothing in the "southern area". I was very frightening because I thought my desire might not return. Around week eight until now, my desire for sex is certainly back (big time) and my orgasms are as good as before.
I am not able to take hormones due to being a breast cancer survivor so I am all on my own for this. Think positive and hopefully all will work out well for you in this area also.

These thoughts have certainly crossed my mind in the past months, but one thing my doc said, was that there are specialist who deal in menopause. She sent me to my hospital web site and they gave a list of the doctors, and their specialties. It made me feel a little better to know that I could find someone if I really needed to.
My libido hasn't been what it should be for quite some time, I have my moments, but they are few and far between. I don't think my body knows what hormone balance is!! I'm taking the positive thinking route, and am determined that all the post op problems will have answers. I've discussed it with my docs, and will again tomorrow at my preop.
Keep asking questions till you find answers that your comfortable with.
hugs,
Donna