Healing A Broken Heart

I DON'T EVER WANT TO GIVE THE IMPRESSION THAT I AM NOT COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED BY HOW GREATLY GOD HAS BLESSED ME. I HAVE THREE INTELLIGENT, BEAAAUTTIFUL, PERSONABLE AND ABSSOLUTELY ADORABLE CHILDREN. 2 BOYS AND AN ANGEL GIRL 61/2-5-3. I TREASURE EVERY DAY I HAVE WITH THEM AND AM TRYING TO MAKE PRECIOUS MEMORIES WITH THEM.

FINDING OUT ABOUT TAH/BSO WAS VERY DEVASTATING FOR ME. I HAD BEEN WANTING ANOTHER CHILD FOR SOME TIME BUT WAS HAVING TROUBLE CONVINCING DH THAT WE NEEDED ANOTHER CHILD. HE IS A FEW YEARS OLDER THAN I AM AND IS THINKING OF RETIREMENT WHILE I AM ENJOYING THIS TIME IN MY LIFE. I COME FROM A FAMILY OF 7 CHILDREN AND I AM THE YOUNGEST. I HAVE 36 NIECES AND NEPHEWS AND 12 GREAT NIECES AND NEPHEWS SO I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AROUND CHILDREN AND ALWAYS ANTICIPATED A LARGE FAMILY. WHEN DH AND I WERE MARRIED WE AGREED THAT TWO WEREN'T ENOUGH (HE ONLY HAS ONE BROTHER) AND THAT 7 WAS WAY TO MUCH--WE WANTED 4 CHILDREN PREFERRABLY 2 BOYS AND 2 GIRLS. I FOUND OUT I WAS EXPECTING AGAIN IN MAY 2000 AND MISCARRIED IN JUNE. NOW, NOT EVEN A YEAR LATER, I'VE HAD TAH/BSO AND AM HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME ACCEPTING IT. I'VE SPENT SO MUCH OF MY MARRIED LIFE WATCHING MY CYCLE, NURSING AND CHASING TODDLERS. IT'S HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE THAT THIS STAGE IS OVER--COMPLETELY--FOREVER.

I POSTED IN POST-OP THAT IT SEEMS EVERYWHERE I GOOO EVERYONE IS PREGNANT. I LOVED BEING PREGNANT, FEELING THE BABY MOVE, WATCHING IT GROW. I WAS EVEN GOOD THRU LABOR BECAUSE I KNEW WHAT WAS TO COME. I AM THE COORDINATOR AT MY CHURCH SO I AM WITH BABIES AND TODDLERS ON A DAILY BASIS. I HAVE GOT TO BE ABLE TO LOVE AND NURTURE THEM WITHOUT BURSTING INTO TEARS.

I PRAY THAT GOD WILL HEAL MY HEART. I THANK HIM DAILY FOR WHAT HE HAS GIVEN ME IN MY BABIES. I AM GRATEFUL. AND . . . . GREEDY

I WANTED MORE. HOW DO I HEAL MY BROKEN HEART ? PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME I SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE--I AM. THAT JUST DOESN'T TAKE THE HIRT AWAY.

I CLEAVE TO TWO SCRIPTURES 1)THAT HE WON'T GIVE ME MORE THAN I CAN HANDLE AND WILL ALWAYS SHOW ME A WAY OUT AND 2)ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THOSE WHO LOVE THE LORD WHO ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING JESUS AND HAVING ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS ANSWERED BUT IN THE MEAN TIME . . . . .

HOW DO YOU HEAL A BROKEN HEAART?

JenniLee, hi gal, just read what you wrote. Can't you feel it, your healing has already started, I know you still feel a loss, but sweetie, God's plan is at work. Remember the promise, I have worked as a nurse for many years, and when I stop to think of the realm of things, I KNOW that right now, a mother just lost her only son, and that a young teen just gave birth to a baby that will go home to a drug house, and another died needlessly of the hands of a parent, and one from a drunk driver. When you look at your children as gifts, and as much love as you have for them, you have to know He is working in your life, and making a way for your heart. Just know that you are exactly where God wants you to be, right now in your life. And the little faces at church are your extra gifts, to make a difference in their lives. They say time heals all wounds, WRONG, God touches you and you ARE healed.

(((JennieLee)))

Sometimes we can't actually heal our pain, but we can change our sorrow with thoughts and acts of kindness and caring and turn our grief into something better.

You have experienced a hard loss, and I know what you are saying about wanting more of the good things life has to offer. Children are certainly one of those things.

We are here for you and will try to provide comfort in your time of need.

Peace to you.

A DEAR FRIEND MET ME ON THE BEACH THIS EVENING TO TAKE BLACK AND WHITE PHOTOS OF MY CHILDREN. AFTER BEGGING MY YOUNG MISCHEIVOUS MONKEY TO PLEASE SMILE AND LOOK AT THE CAMERA OVER AND OVER AGAIN, SHE FINALLY SAID JUST GO HAVE FUN. WE WATCHED THEM PLAY FOR A WHILE AND SHE GOT SOME EXCELLENT 'NATURAL' SHOTS OF THEM.

MY DAUGHTER WAS BEING BASHFUL SO HID HER FACE THE ENTIRE TIME. MY OLDEST WAS BEING A 'WEENIE' AND HIT HIS SISTER IN THE TUMMY WITH HIS FISHING POLE (FISH INCLUDED). MY YOUNGEST WAS BEING HIMSELF EXPLORING, RUNNING OFF, HUNTING SHELLS, SPLASHING, PICKING UP BONES (NON HUMAN), STOMPING JELLY FISH, PULLING SISTERS BOW, THROWING SAND, DANCING, SINGING, JUMPING, CLIMBING, RUNNING, SKIPPING, STOMPING, SITTING, CRAWLING, ROLLING AND LAUGHING NONSTOP FOR OVER AN HOUR.

FOLLOWING THIS ESCAPADE SHE SAID "IT HAS GOT TO BE REALLY WONDERFUL TO HAVE CHILDREN." "I KNOW IT'S A LOT OF WORK TO GET THEM TO DO WHAT YOU NEED AND TO CARE FOR THEM, BUT IT'S GOT TO BE WONDERFUL."

"IT IS", I REPLIED AND ANOTHER BANDAID WAS APPLIED TO MY ACHING HEART. THANK YOU, LORD, FOR THE LITTLE JOYS IN LIFE AND FOR THE PRECIOUS PEOPLE YOU SEND MY WAY DAILY. YOU ALWAYS KNOW JUST WHAT I NEED. THANK YOU.

PS THE PORTRAITS WERE GREAT, THE WEATHER WAS GREAT, THE WATER WAS GREAT, THE PHOTOGRAPHER WAS GREAT, THE MOMMY IS EXHAUSTED AND THE DUNES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.

GOD BLESS

Dear Jenni Lee,

I hope your heart feels a little better every day.

Sending cyberhugs.

AWWWWWWW.....sounds like a perfect day!

{{{{{{{{{healing hugs}}}}}}}}}

kaatie

IT WAS A GREAT DAY. I AM FINDING THAT EACH DAY IS A DAY IN ITSELF. SOME GOOD SOME BAD. THURSDAY AND FRIDAY WERE GREAT! I VOLUNTEERED AT MY SON'S SCHOOL AND GOT SOME THINGS ACCOMPLISHED FOR PTO. THEN FRIDAY EVENING I WAS SITTING HERE AT THE COMPUTER ABOUT TO SIGN ON AND PASSED OUT. IT FELT LIKE SOMETHING SHIFTED IN MY FOREHEAD. IT WAS VERY WEIRD! TWO OF MY BABYSITTERS JUST HAPPENED TO DROP IN ABOUT THAT TIME AND STAYED WITH ME TILL I WAS OK THEN A NEIGHBOR CAME BY. MY FACE WAS NUMB FOR ALONG TIME.

I AM OK NOW AND AM GOING TO CHECK IN WITH MY DOC ON MONDAY. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT COULD HAVE BEEN. HOPE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN AGAIN AS I AM ALONE WITH MY CHILDREN MOST OF THE TIME.

NEEDLESS TO SAY MY HOUSE IS A MESS AND THE KIDS ARE RUNNING FREE. IF ANYONE WANTS A JOB, I'M LOOKING FOR A HOUSEKEEPER AS I'M THROWING IN THE TOWEL.

THANKS FOR CHATTING!! LOOKING FORWARD TO TOMORROW!

I live in Corpus Christi, Texas. I noticed in your bio that you are in the "Texas Riviera". At any rate, I am also having a hard time handling the fact that I will not have another child. I replied to your post on the post-op message board. But then I saw this one here and had to write you. I have been praying for peace but I will include you now also. I know the pain that you are going through.

Chrissy

I AM ONLY 33 MILES NORTH OF CORPUS CHRISTI IN ROCKPORT. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT HERE! MY CHILDREN AND I LOVE THE BEACH AND SPEND MOST OF OUR TIME THERE. HOWEVER, WE DO ENJOY AN OCCASIONAL TRIP TO THE "BIG CITY" ESPECIALLY IF WE'RE GOING TO CHUCK E CHEESE!!!!

THERE ARE SOME DAYS WHEN IT DOESN'T EVEN ENTER MY HEAD TO THINK ABOUT IT. THEN OTHER DAYS THAT IS ALL I THINK ABOUT. I GUESS IT'S PART OF THE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER THAT FOLLOWS TAH!

GOD BLESS YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS ALSO!