Starting to break down

Ugh, I've been trying so hard to get through this with a strong positive attitude...but tonight I just want to break down

Honestly the recovery has been REALLY good from what I've read on here, but the emotional/mental strain is getting to me more and more! I'm sick of sleeping on the recliner, but I can't get off the couch. I can't make it up the steps to get into bed and that is one of my biggest gripes right now. My back constantly hurts from sleeping in this stupid chair! I get up to walk and it hurts to stand straight up, but it hurts to walk hunched over.

I wear my binder for belly support, but now it's irritating 2 of the staples. I move and it feels like the darn things are on FIRE! I've tried loosening the binder, moving it away from the staples a bit, and while that helps for a moment...the burning starts all over again in time. And walking without the binder? No way!

Then there's the pain pills!! I'm sick of taking them. I'm a recovering addict and it's really starting to scare me that I'm so reliant on them. I can go 7-8 hours between doses, but those extra couple hours SUCK! I get achy and edgy, it feels like my whole body tightens up...until the next dose of course. I just keep praying that my addiction won't kick in again. I'm so scared of relapsing just when life was starting to come together. It's to the point that unless I'm actually IN pain, I won't take them ...that's not helping anything either.

And this catheter...not as bad as I thought but geeze CAN I PLEASE PEE ON MY OWN??

Finally, the freezing/sweating times. There are moments that I feel like an ...start to warm up and get comfy for an hour of so...then BAM I kept my ovaries, and I've read it can take time for them to kick back in but all I can think is I can't DO this anymore!!

I'm sick and tired of being so freakin TIRED. Not being able to do my daily cleaning, dishes, heck just washing up before bed is a chore and gets me winded!

But I don't regret the surgery, I really really don't because I know it probibly saved my life in the long run...I just feel too young to feel this old and worn out.

Hi there
Gee it's so soon after your surgery. I had an easier procedure to get over but did experience hot and cold..thought my ovaries were out of biz for a while. I had more than a few nights waking up soaked in sweat. Not sure why that happens but I had the same experience after my myomectomy- so maybe it's a surgery thing.
Wish I could offer advice about your pain meds but I was told "just motrin" and am green with envy for those who can take serious pain meds..allergic I am.
You'll be feeling better soon

Vega,

You are so early in your recovery and I'm sorry you are feeling tired, bored, and blue. Here's a big ! Most of us can certainly relate to being tired and wiped out, but you shouldn't be doing any housework anyway, so don't worry about that.

Have you talked to your doctor about the pain from your binder and your concerns about your pain meds? Be sure to talk to him/her at your next appointment or give them a call. You shouldn't be in pain.

Let us know how you're doing.

Big s, Deb

Hi Vega,
Things will get better soon. When do you get your staples out? As soon as that happens, you will feel so much better. I had mine out a week after my surgery and the nurse told me I'd feel better and she was right. I had the same problems with sleeping and I could only sleep on my back and it would get so sore. If I tried to sleep on my side, it would be very painful. Try placing a pillow under your knees and see if that helps you. I had everything taken but I am 48 and I only had one ovary since 1988. I am now on Premarin for estrogen. Had a few night sweats my first week but they are gone now. Maybe you could ask your doctor about the hot and cold episodes. I really wish I could be of more help. Please know it will get better. Hang in there, sweetie!!

God Bless!

Diana

Hi Vega ,
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I'm tired of sleeping in the recliner too. It's borrowed, but it hits me in a funny place. It killed my back but I found if I put a pillow (from my bed) going up and down in the recliner and make sure it's all the way down to my tail bone, I don't have any back pain.

My binder is very uncomfortable too. It really itches and it has to be tight. I'm glad I have it, though. The plastic surgeon told me to use cheap, thick Kotex pads for wound dressing. But I've found they work really well to pad the spots that hurt too! Try padding the staples with the Kotex pads, it might help. Put the cottony side against the staples then put the binder on snugly.

I can really relate to the catheter. I don't have a catheter, but I did come home with 4 drains. I am soooo ready to be done with them! I got one out yesterday and hopefully the other 3 will come out on Friday. I'm sick of stripping the drain tubing and having to measure the output. Sorry you have to go through that!

Check with your doc to see if you can cut the pain dosage in half and add a small dose of ibuprofen or naprosyn. The ibuprofen or naprosyn will probably be better for the back pain too.

I can't help with the hormonal problems, but hope your ovaries wake up soon!

I keep looking longingly at my bed with it's 15 inch mattress and feather bed. But it still hurts too much to try to roll over and untill I get the rest of the drains out I'm stuck with these 3 tennis ball sized drains pinned to the front of my binder. If the drains come out on Friday, I'm hoping to try sleeping in my bed this weekend.

good luck,
Lori

((Vega!!!)) I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. Why exactly are you wearing the binder? I didn't use one at all and hadn't heard anything about one (other than the Swelly Belly band) so I didn't think it was necessary. I couldn't have standed having anything touch my stomach at first; even now when I accidentally lean against a counter or something I wince for a second. It sounds like it may be doing you more harm than good at this point; perhaps you could leave it off and then just wear it when you have to walk? I had the hot and cold sweats for the first week or so, then they died down, since you still have your ovaries they will subside fairly soon I'm sure. You can also explain your fears regarding the pain pills and they may be able to switch you to something that's effective but non-addicting. You're less than 10 days into your recovery, and your frustration is very normal at this point. It's so hard to go from active woman to invalid in the space of an hour or so, and then we're stuck that way for the next 6-8 weeks...I read your post and kept nodding my head over and over as I recall those first days as well, and they were just a few weeks ago. It's no fun, but in the long run it will be SO worth it. I was finally starting to get my energy back for the last couple days, then this morning I woke up with a cold and sore throat, and this afternoon I fell off my porch and sprained my ankle! ARRRGGGHHH!!!! One of the things that has helped me cope more than anything is right here - this site! Where else could I come at 1:00am and scream out my frustrations on a keyboard - and nobody here will laugh at me or think I'm nuts?! So please, come here and vent anytime you need to - someone will always be here to listen and nod their head in agreement! And if looking ahead to the good days seems impossible at this point, just try to make it through today. Then tomorrow, try to make it through today...and so on....you get my drift! Take care of yourself, and don't worry - it DOES get better!

Hey ladies, thank you for helping me feel not-so-alone. I am feeling a bit better this morning. I took a pain med at about 11:30 last night. Suppossed to take them every 6 hours. Well, I woke up around 8 with that same burning feeling from those 2 staples, and just prayed to get through the day. WIthin 10 minutes the pain was gone. I was able to get up and walk around, eat, etc. I took 1/2 a pain pill around 10: 00 because I wanted to jump in the shower and standing that long often makes me pretty sore. Not only did I shower, but managed to shave the lower part of my legs too!! OMG I couldn't wait to do that, I felt like an ape! Then I checked my incision, and the *bump* of it seems to be flattening out. So far, so good, thank you Lord.

I have talked to my doc about the pain meds and being in recovery, also talked to the nurse that was on duty everyday I was in the castle. They both said that this surgery warrants pain meds and to put myself through pain to avoid the meds means that 1. I'm suffering for no reason and 2. I won't be able to heal properly if I'm in constant pain. THe nurse actually kinda yelled at me for not taking them more often than I was.

Fortunately I get the staples and cath out tomorrow afternoon, I don't know if I could make it another day. No, I KNOW I could't make it another day. I'm also going to talk to my doc about getting off the pain meds and onto something non-narcotic. I think just being so close to the appt. and having it feel soooooo far away finally got to me.

PLayinatlife, I tried using a pillow and at some point it became very uncomfy, so I stopped. Gave it another try last night, and it did help again. My mom said she'd help me get up and down the steps if I want to sleep in my bed, but I'm nervous about trying that. There's 13 steps and they aren't low steps, they're also very steep. I got nervous walking up/down them even before surgery!

I just can't wait to get back to "normal". TO be able to stay more than a few hours on my own. To be able to clean my place the way *I* clean it. To see my dogs!! They are at my parents house until I can heal a little more. I want to go see them, but the fear of them jumping up on me stops me. The one has this lovely habit of jumping and hitting right about where the incision is. But I miss them soooooo much....

Vega how come they kept the catheter in you, the hospital took mine out at day 3. Good thing to because that thing was not working right. It would not drain so all the pee was building up inside and it hurt like hell. My hubbie was so good he was on catheter duty!!! He took care of it every 30 min making sure to lift the bed up so the pee would drain!!!!
We have ours down the same day and I think today im feeling better, the only things i notice is i want to cry for stupid little things "why i don’t know. Than when I pee sometimes I get a really bad sharp pain just about 2 inch under my belly button. Than the hot flashes on and off, I got to keep both ovaries but the nurse said that as the doc was messing with them it can make that happen for a couple of weeks. I’m with you im ready for this to be over with and be me again.....

Hey Julie, the onco told me before surgery that I would be keeping the cath in for 10 days. She removed the pelvic lymph nodes because the MRI said the cancer leasion may be larger than she could see. (she marked it at 2.5 cm x 2 cm they said it was just over 4 cm x over 3 cm, however she didn't know if they sized it based on normal cervix size or the enlarged size). She explain it as stripping everything away from the bladder, the bladder gets shy and doesn't want to be "seen". Rather than have it freak out on me, she wanted to give it a chance to heal.

Wow well i do hope you fill better soon, im sure when they take out the cath out that will make you fill much better.