Problems With Other Women

I had my TAH because of adno last Aug. and while I have worked through most of my emotional issues that have come up, there is one that I just can't seem to get past. Why is it that other non-hyst women seem to try to lessen my experience? Whenever I mention that I have had a hysterectomy most women say they are supportive, then in the same breath tell me how they think hysterectomies are completely unecessary in most cases. They then either 1) ask some very personal questions 2) try to lessen my emotional experience (I had one woman compare my hysterectomy to circumcision. I've had another shove it down my throat that I could have been cured with homeopathic remedies.) 3) treat me like a social pariah or 4) try to educate me on the evidence against hysterectomy (It ain't going to get put back in, honey).

Is it that other women either can't comprehend what I've been through or is it that they don't want to think about it happening to them because it is so upsetting? I know it's probably some combination of both.

I feel like I'm struggling to reclaim that connection to womanhood and it's not the surgeon that took it from me, it's other women.

If you've made it this far - Thank you.

Hi There!

I'm sorry to hear of your unfortunate enounters with individuals who talk as if "they know it all," then they obviously do not. The comments you shared sound very moronic. With everything else going on with recovery, that's the last thing anyone needs!

I hope that as the weeks and months go by, and your surgery passes from "new news" to "old news" among people in your orbit, they will forget about it and move onto other topics when they see you. For now, try to remember they are just ignorant and aren't (I assume, in most cases) intentionally trying to upset you.

Hang in there! I hope there are better days ahead for you.

Many s and Best Wishes,

Thank you so much for replying. It feels wonderful to get support without a "but", KWIM.

I keep telling myself that these people are uneducated. It becomes very hard sometimes. Like in the comparison of a hysterectomy to a circumcision, I told this woman I was offended. I very respectfully asked that she educate herself on the physical and emotional aspects of a hysterectomy before she made a comparison like that again and she told me "Oh, I know what the surgery entails and I stand by my comparison." Where I should have been furious, I was totally and completely crushed. I know I shouldn't let these moronic comments get to me, but they do.

Thankfully I have an extremely supportive dh. He has been my soft shoulder to cry on many, many times during this. He has tried to remind me many times that "You can't fix stupid". And while I know I'm very lucky to have such support, I still crave that female support and understanding that it appears I can only find here.

So thank you hystersisters. I am forever in your debt.

Unless others have walked in our shoes, traveled the road of hysterectomy, I think it's especially difficult for them to comprehend how life changing this surgery can be.

Thank goodness for this website and all the women here who do understand! You can come here any time to share in this special sisterhood.

Sending 's

It has only been a week post op for me however, before I had the hysterectomy, I had several woman that 'have' all their female parts remaining, ask....' oh, i feel so bad, isnt there anything they can try before doing that'????
I turned about and told all of them, yes there is, my doctor suggested having a d/c first to see if that would work, however she also made a point to tell me that may not work.
Personally, I knew 4 other woman I work with that had several d/c's just to find out that they ended up having to have a hysterectomy anyways.
So, I let all the woman that acted like I had been dealt the worse deck of cards know... yes, there is, however my life is precious to me.... I dont want to go through a d/c and then find 4 months from now I am back in the office in pain.... I prefer to end, endless years of female problems to get my life back!!! These too, are also woman that in the office complain every month about bad cramps, heaving bleeding, and also miss work over it.... judging me for trying to get my health back!! Go figure....

Hi!
Sorry to hear that other woman are making you feel badly. I know that anyone who hasnt been where we are does not have a clue about it. I think they are probably uncomfortable with the topic (being a woman and potentially facing the same reality some day) and they dont mean any harm. Sometimes, woman try to "fix" other people's problems when they are facing a life-altering situation, or even just small problems that are bothering them. Some people are better at "fixing" then others. Keep a stiff upper lip and just try to remember that they probably mean well. Take care!

Since those women have NOT gone through what we have been through they have NO IDEA what they are talking about. Do NOT allow their ignorance to upset you. Some mean well, others think they know it all; you can't change that. This is an experience in which you are now "qualified", for lack of a better word, to support, uplift, and have compassion for the future women who you will meet someday who will be having a hysterectomy.

I want to thank all of you again for the support that you have given me. It has helped me to break through this emotional roadblock. I had my "lightbulb" moment yesterday after Bizet Woman replied with such wonderful suportive words so quickly after my original post. The rest of the these wonderfully supportive posts have only helped to stregthen my resolve to let go of these idiotic comments made by uneducated, judgemental women that feel the need to have their close-minded view of the world validated by every person they come in contact with. In other words, these toxic women have gone bye-bye. I have dealt with ending the relationship with each one of them and I feel much better having done so.
I finally feel like myself again. I resolve here and now to be a better hystersister and offer my fellow hystersisters the same love and support that I have received.

Again, thank you

LeAnn

Hey there! Don't let other women make you feel so badly. My DH and I love the saying " you can't fix stupid". They have not been there and done that so they can't understand what you are going through. So don't get down we are here to lend some support because we have been there and done that got the t-shirt and everything else possible. What you are going through is not the same as circumcision!! Far from it. So just ignore the stupid comments and maybe refer them to research hysters maybe they can get a little education. It never hurts to learn something new, and your never to old to learn. It won't be the same as them actually going through it, but maybe they can understand a little better.

((LeAnn)),
I don't know what I would have done without my hystersisters post-op. They are the ones who saw into my soul and validated my feelings. I had some of the same comments as you did. I had a very good friend tell me she "would never have a hysterectomy".... another elderly spiritual leader who said, "are you sure you had to have that surgery? I would never allow my wife to have it". Cruel comments from those who have not walked my path. It was here that I found , hope and understanding. I hope you have found new friends too.