Dealing with some severe emotional issues

I have been severely depressed since my TVH. I do have 3 children that i know that im blessed to have but everyone tries to tell me that i should be thankful and that the hysterectomy shouldnot effect me emotionally at all! Yes i have kids but still im 25 and feel that my womanhood was stolen from me. I am on Zoloft and Xanax to deal with the emotional pain but i still cant get past it. I dont know what to do. I know there are alot of women out there who tell me to stop crying and shut up and count my blessings but i dont feel blessed. Why do ppl think that everyone should only feel a certain way a only if certain things apply to you. Im glad to find this sight to help me realize that im not alone anymore and can listen to other ppls stories. I get hope from here that we will all be okay even though we are all struggling. I just need to find a way to let go of the past and deal with the fact that this is the way it will always be.

Oh Samara,
I believe that we all face the impact of this surgery in our own ways. Even though your situation may be different from my situation or someone else's situation, you still have to go through all the same emotions and hurt. No, you are not alone in this & there are many, many people you'll find on this site that know of the pain you speak about. I would really encourage you to give yourself the time and permission to grieve as it really hasn't been that long since your hyst. Also, just continue to speak openly with your doctors about how you are feeling and how well, etc that you are doing. They are there to help you, it's ok to really tell them what is working for you and what is not. I've found it helpful to journal my thoughts and feelings, especially when I was early in the time after my hyst. Sometimes, when we get things out in words, it just gives us an outlet. I really liked what you said ,that yes, it's OK that we struggle and have to grieve..yes, we are still just as strong and just as normal, we are just dealing with something that is life changing and I think we have to give our minds the time to catch up with all these changes that are going on with our bodies. I hope you will find the support and care I have found on this site, I am sure you will. Hang in there my friend, you are not alone & you will get through this. Hugs of support coming your way.

I am ashamedly admitting that I have felt severe resentment in the past for those who have mourned not having more children, even though they have their own (through birth or adoption). Usually I hear from them that I will never understand what it's like to have children, and after 14 years of infertility that burns like acid. However, after reading your post, I feel like I'm hearing another side of infertility AFTER having children. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I think I'm finally understanding that the loss is profound whether or not you've already had children. You're right - the ability is gone forever, and people SHOULDN'T feel a certain way only if certain things apply to you.

I feel very sorry that I've discounted what this might feel like to people who already have kids. Obviously it is hurting you in the same way it has been hurting me. Thanks for helping me understand that. I hope I'll be more considerate of other women in the future.

Big, BIG hugs to you!
Julia

Big hugs!!!

No one should tell you how to feel, and its really hard to find comfort in people telling you its no big deal when they havent been there and done that. I think that has happened to all of us. I am 36 and although I have a DD and didnt want anymore kids, it sure didnt sugarcoat the fact I was losing a part of me. I just keep in mind, the best part of me is still here, and that is my heart... its difficult at times, and it hurts, but I try to remember what problems I had and how I really define being a woman. I have decided that my uterus didnt define me as a strong good willed and spirtual woman. That comes from within. I am sure if anything, this experience will make you stronger because of that, and if you need someone to talk too, there are plenty of princesses on here just like yourself, willing to listen and lend a shoulder....

Love and Hugs,
Lily

Sending healing thoughts your way.

Firefly123

Grieving is a process that each person does in her own time and way. I am glad you are getting medical help for your depression but sometimes you need additional help, like counseling, to help you through the things you can't accept, to move on to a more peaceful and happy life. Don't be afraid to seek help if you need it. Everything that you are feeling is completely normal and part of the process you go through in grieving. Time does heal the wounds and soften the pain. As you go on, you will realize that the parts of you that are gone don't define you as a woman. One day you'll look back and realize that the experience and pain made you a better person and a better woman. It's not easy getting there, I know. I was diagnosed with endo 16 years ago, and had other problems that made having a child a real improbablility. I mourned that ability for a long time and spent a period of deep anger and depression that led me to do self-destructive things when I was about your age. It took a year of counselling to get my life back on track. I regret nothing, as I have come through a much stronger and wiser person for the things I have experienced, and I don't think I would be that person otherwise. I remember that during the most bleak periods of my life, I thought I would never emerge from the darkness. But I did, and you will too. There is strength in numbers, so take comfort and support here. Learn from the others who are experiencing the same pain and problems you are. And if you need to, seek help from a professional who can safely guide you on your journey. I hope that you, too, are soon able to find the peace and strength you need to move on to the next stage of your life. You are obviously a special, strong and beautiful woman for having gotten this far and to have suffered so much at such an early age. I have felt your pain, and wanted you to know that there is a light at the end of this long, scary tunnel you're in. Hang in there, it will get better.
Rachel

I'm 28, I have two children and felt an almost soul-crushing depression after my hyst (was on anti-depressants and Xanax). It's not that I wanted any more children, it's that I felt that my choice, my freedom to have more children was taken from me. I, too, felt that I had lost my female connection (I'm not sure how else to explain it).
I feel that you have absolutely every right to grieve your loss. I also hope that you will come to realize that being a woman means more than being a walking uterus. Being a women means showing maturity, compassion, love, and understanding to others. You are still every bit the woman you were before the surgery and more. You are more because you have gained a life experience that only a few will have, and while this experience is extremely painful, I hope that you will come to realize, as I have, that you are a much stronger and compassionate woman for having had it. I find that other mother's our age either can not or will not get it. I think in part they don't want to think about it happening to them, so they can not offer the comfort, sympathy, and support that we need. Yes, we are mothers and we are very thankful for it, but we are also women in pain and we are reaching out for support only to find it's not there and that is one of the most painful aspects of recovery. So, thank goodness you have a place where you can connect with people in similar situations that can share your pain and offer some compassion. I don't know what to tell you to do to help ease your grief. I think that it is something that will come in time, so don't beat yourself up for feeling this way, and don't let others get you down because you aren't working through your issues on their timetable.

Stay strong and remember to breathe.

thank you all for your comments lrmctexas I know what you mean, i didnt plan more kids but some ppl chose not to have more and i dont have a choice, its taken from me.
Julie i am glad that i can show you someone elses side. I did the same thing when ppl would have a miscarraige, until i had to go thru it 2 xs. We are all the same here wether we have kids or not we are all suffering a loss in its own. All of you just in the past couple of days have really helped me look at my situation in a brighter light. I dont feel alone. I would go to the docs and ask for pamphlets or advice and no one could tell me. i looked on the internet and found more on mens menopause then surgical menopause. I am so blessed to have found this sight and all you ladies. THank you and i wish all of you all the love and support you have shown me.

Hugs to you samara! I love this site for some of the same reasons. I'm learning so much about myself as well as learning about the technical stuff. Mostly I feel very supported here, and I think that's a very precious thing.

Take care!
Julia

to you, samara. I'm glad I could help you to realize that you not alone in this. For me that was the hardest part of my recovery. I understand how hard it is to try to work through your own issues while trying to take care of your family. It's hard to find time to be alone with your thoughts, and at times you don't want to be. Just remember that it is okay to take time for you, it's okay to cry, and most importantly, it is perfectly okay for you to feel the way you feel. I found it's easier to just feel it instead of fighting it. KWIM.

Just remember the always on here and we're here whenever you need us.