Home from the Castle for 6 days now & sad cranky frustrated

Hello, all you Princesses and Ladies-

I snuck downstairs to send you all a brief message for all of your lovely support...many thanks for helping me along my way to here.

I won't be long, as it is taxing to be sitting up at the computer desk, was unable to talk my family into getting me a laptop.

My stay in the castle was okay. The LAVH seems to be okay, belly sore and a bit swelly. But, it's seems okay. Not as good but not as bad as I thought it'd be.

My mom is here and one would think that it would be so lovely to have her here helping....but it is NOT, she's barely doing anything and my DH had to go back to work this week is having to pick up the slack...I mean even the teensiest things like helping the kids with their homework or putting their back packs together withthem, let alone that she claimed she would keep my house clean but really has done nothing. I think she's taken more naps than I have...it's so frustrating. Quite frankly, I've always had to parent her, and keep the house clean when I was growing up, so why should I have let myself be duped into thinking that she'd actually comeout here and DO something to take care of my house & family for me. She's leaving on Friday the 29th, and at least, there'll be one less child to manage then. I love her, but really, why say that you'll do something and not do it? My own kids, ages 9 & 12, are actually more helpful to me than she is. I've even had to try to straighten out my own bed.

I was just weepy about it all last night. My DH has been lovely, but he too, is now exhausted.

And I've overdone it and am soooo sore today. I'm just gonna get a bunch of drinks and snacks and hide in my room today, coming out only to go pee & walk out on my deck and sit in a chaise lounge.

Did this happen to anyone else, a helper coming and not helping, but creating more havoc?

Thanks for listening to me rant and for all the wisdom ...
love you all,
BettySue

Hugs, sister! I do know what you mean. Years ago I asked my MIL to come help us (an unrelated thing) and she did NOTHING. Never cooked a meal - nothing.

While I did not have anyone "come" to help, I expected DH to help, but from day 1 I have had to get my own meals, etc. Unless I fuss, nothing gets done. I am doing the dishes (just often enough so there are clean ones to eat) and carefully washing my own clothes, and that's it. I am ignoring the rest and seriously considering tossing him out as soon as I am given clearance to lift a suitcase!

I'm sorry you are not getting the help you need, but this does help us to understand who we can and cannot count on. Rest and feel better soon!

Hi Jewell. Yes, I had "help" come & abandon me. But that was after she stole some of my painkillers, before she even gave me the bottle, freshly home from the castle with abdominal incision. Apparently that was the reason for her eagerness to "help". When she realized I knew, she couldn't get out of here fast enough. (I never said a word to her, I made sure she saw me counting them before I ever took one.) She spent maybe 5 minutes here then took off saying how I didn't need her help. Then she went on to tell her family that I was being such a ***** that she had to get away from me. And I would have been, had she stayed longer than 5 minutes. I guess she couldn't tell them she was busted stealing my pain meds. I don't have kids but do have a rottweiler & needed help. I also discovered that while I was in the castle, she was ransacking every drawer, closet, desk, etc & shemanaged to break a patio door lock & let the rottweiler eat a stick of butter, lol while I was in the castle. Then my back up people never did help either. They say call them if I need anything, then they don't answer the phone or say they'll call me right back & never do. My mom couldn't even be bothered to help one little bit. I've definitely learned during this time who my real friends are NOT.

It seems pretty common for "help" to become more work for us. There was one sister on here who has a friend who is a doctor that travelled to help her. The doctor went shopping alot & had a little vacation, got grossed out by her discussing surgery & then just left extra laundry forher to do.

Don't make your own bed yet! Ask your mom to either really help you or just go ahead and go home because she is causing you to do more work. Your kids can do dishes, laundry, sweep the floors, make the beds, etc. Do NOT do these things for yourself yet!!!! You'll be fine with their help. I was alone the whole recovery & I survived. They may not do things exactly the way you would, just surrender to it, lol. I think the kids will be more understanding than any adults who decide you should be doing this or that.

HUGS! Hang in there, it will get a little better each day.

Thanks alot, not to make light of your situation, but it does put things in perspective for me to hear of your "no-help help".

Also, the kids did pick up some slack & DH, too.

At least next week, it'll be quiet, LOL.

Thank y'all....

Oh, and I'm truly sorry if your DH is exhausted. But he doesn't know what exhausted IS. When he whines about being tired, play the pregnancy/childbirth card. He has no clue what this surgery does to the body. Be careful about trying to do things. You will find out soon that you shouldn't have done it & you'll be very sore but he may think you are fine to keep doing that chore from now on. Pamper the princess!

Hi, Sorry this is happening to you. I was in your shoes the first week out. My DH was wonderful and very supportive. My Mom insisted on coming to stay with me during the day while he was at work. I knew in the back of my mind that this wasn't a good idea, but I agreed. When she came the first day she announced that she was in "charge." She started cleaning out the sock and underwear drawers in our bedroom. (I don't know why she did that) and she had me sorting my socks. I told her that I couldn't sit up for that long to sort socks so that didn't go over very well. Then she would vacum EVERYDAY. I would lie down to rest and the vacum would start running. I finally had to tell her that I appreciated her help and loved her, but she had to go. I really just needed some time to myself. After that I suffered a minor complication so she was back again everyday for awhile, but for shorter visits. I didn't think she realized until I had to have a home nurse come everyday and do wound care how major this surgery really was. I know I'm rambling, but my story does have a point...do what makes you feel the most comfortable. You only have one time to heal properly. Take care and things will get better I promise. Melanie