Emotional? Physical? Advice, please! Long Post...

Hi Ladies:

I don't know if I'm losing it or what. Tuesday is my first day back to work. I'm an Ed Tech in a middle school (grades 6-8). Let me start by saying that I LOVE my job. However, I so totally do NOT want to go back yet. Tomorrow is 6 weeks post-op for me and my doc is calling me and I really feel she will say "You can go back." Not sure if my problem is physical or emotional.

My stomach is still sore if I do too much, still have huge swelly belly and sudden weight gain . My appetite is just weird too. Never seem to want anything and then wake up starving. My fatigue factor is off the charts. Last night was the first night since my surgery that I actually slept through the night. Slept for 5 hours straight ahead, got up to pee, back to bed for another 3 hours, peed again and slept ANOTHER 2 hours. Holy cow, couldn't believe it! Then this afternoon I slept another hour! As I'm typing this, I wish I could say I feel refreshed but don't. So far, I don't have any more energy than before my hyster. which was almost zero then. I truly thought energy would be oozing out of my pores...

My moods seem to be all over the map. More so now that even a week or two ago. Just can't figure it all out so I have no idea what to do about anything. All I know is that the thought of going back to school is totally overwhelming. I feel like such a whiner and baby since there are so many of you here that have been through a real tough time and are already back to work or were back before 6 weeks. DH is fixated on me going back on Tuesday and I don't want to think about trying to explain all this to him. If there were just some magic energy pill to help me get through that day. If it were half a day, I think I'd be less stressed knowing I could do that but it's so hard having a sub for a half day.

Anyhoo, this too shall pass and I feel better having put all this down. Are there others out there who have had this sense of "I can't do this" just before going back to work? Also, if you are still reading, Thanks!

Lynn-TAH/RSO

Dear Lynn, You are preaching to the choir here honey. I too, feel like a big baby. I could have written your post minus the going back to work full time part. I don't have a full time job, I am an AVON rep and I just don't have the time or energy for doing it. I have lost so many sales recently and am waayy behind on my yearly totals. My husband doesn't understand the fatigue, and yet he spent all day yesterday on the freakin couch! lol Anyway I am hoping that my vitamins and extra vitamin b kick in soon. I am sure you can handle working, you are a woman after all and we are capable of anything! If you try and it is just too much call the doc and explain it, perhaps he will extend your leave for 2 more weeks?.

One thing I've learned for sure on this site is that we all heal very differently and with some it takes a bit longer. Mentally and Physically. If you are still physically exhausted and mentally overwhelmed by the thought of going back to work next week I would really be honest and open with your doc tomorrow and make sure that they know how you are doing and what YOU think you are ready for. We learn so much if we just listen to our bodies and it sound like you may just need to share what your's is telling you with the doctor.

Maybe even one more week if you can start to get some sleep would make a world of difference for you.

Good luck and I hope you sleep well tonight.

Lynn, you are definitely not alone...so many of us feel that way. I echo what the other ladies have already said. Between the mood swings and sleep deprivation and fatigue (I'm with you on all three), it's no wonder you're apprehensive. Do you have any options re. delaying work? Are you on any HRT? Good luck and hang in there...

I felt the same way but I had to go back to work. I simply had no choice. I went back to work at two weeks so I did have some pain, but I think the real problem was depression. I think they underestimate how much this surgery can affect our moods. Rather it's from hormones, unmet expectations of help from family members, lack of activity, painkillers and their numbing affect, or the loss of an important part of our body. Also, lots of us are use to doing everything for everybody else and are suddenly forced to accept help from others. This can all be overwhelming. So what do we want to do? Sink further into the comfort of our shell (home). I'm not saying this is what you are dealing with...just throwing my two cents in on how I felt.

I hope you get your energy back and everything works out for you. Just be honest with your doctor. You might also want to check your iron level if your exhaustion continues.

Good luck!!

Rhonda

Thanks for the advice & pep talks, ladies. If I really need to stay out another week, I can. I've been on unpaid leave from the beginning and figure at this point, what is one more week...I swing from thinking I really need one more week to the other extreme of wondering if I'm just depressed and only THINK I need one more week. Ugghhhhh! I'm not on any hormones and other than the mood swings haven't had any symptoms warrent them. No night sweats (which I had before hyster), no hot flashes so that's another reason I feel I've had it pretty easy. One thing that needs to be changed is my vitamin regimen which is nada. Need at least a multi-vitamin. Should I add extra calcium and b12? The suggestion of an iron check is a good one since I was anemic during the past year. Might need another iron supplement. Will talk with my doc tomorrow and see what she says. If I really want/need more time, I'm sure she will agree. She just came back to work after having a c-section over the summer so she can somewhat identify, I know! Thanks again, guys!

I just went back and re-read the above posts and Rhonda hit the nail right on the head. Lack of help and understanding from family, always doing for others and then being forced to accept help has all played greatly into my feelings, I believe. And crawling deeper into my shell is exactly what I want to do. Rhonda is a genius!!

I totaly understand, I took my leave fron work for four weeks but i didn't expect to feel this tired in the afternoon not to mention still being in pain on my right side. I am supposed to go back on thursday and tomorrow is my post op. I am sorta hoping he says no..LOL but then again i am looking forward to work..i guess you could say i am conflicted about the work thing part of me really wants to go back and then my body says take a nap
love sacha

Hey Lynn, thanks! That's more compliments than I have received from my family in months. Lol.

I just think we (all the sisters) are all going through the exact same emotions and experiences and can completely relate to and understand each others problems. Most of us have been taking care of our families and working and nurturing and cleaning and cooking for years. Of course we are tired from our surgeries, but we are also just plain tired!!! Do I hear an amen, ladies? I know that I got a very small taste of what other members of my family have been experiencing for years and I kinda liked it. I have a new found appreciation for spending an entire afternoon in my pj's, laying on the couch, hogging the remote control, eating cookies, swigging milk from the carton, and yelling at my husband that his vacuuming was interfering with me watching tv. Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the picture. I would have liked to do that a bit before being faced with reality quite so soon. But as far as taking care of my family goes, I admit that I wouldn't have it any other way. So, while I may like to groan and complain, and I did inform my husband that on the occasional Saturday I may take his spot on the couch, I am very happy that God has blessed me with a husband to take care of.

So, Lynn, take the week if you can get it and enjoy the additional time and then maybe you will feel able to get out there and do it all over again.

I'll be praying for you and don't forget to claim the couch every once in a while. It's good for us!

Rhonda

Totally understand! I had my TVH in May. At the 4 week mark, I had one more week to go before going back to work and starting having panic attacks. I though there is no way in heck I can do this. Get up, get ready, get going and work all day. NO way! Well, I went back to work at 5 weeks and worked 1/2 days for a week. Then a full week at 6 weeks. Then went on a week's vacation at 7 weeks. I've been back at it now ever since then. Most days, I'm worn out but know I can't come home at 5:00 and take a nap, then expect to sleep all night.

All that to say, it does get easier. I think alot of it is the anticipation of going back to work after Pampering the Princess for a few weeks. It can be done and it's not easy. You just have to pace yourself more than before.

I've heard that it takes up to a year to fully recover from this surgery and I am now a believer of that. If I can't do it, I can't do it. The family members will just have to deal with it and help me get there. If they can't deal with it, I have to be the one to stand up and make them.