Anyone feeling very emotional over this?

I know this is going to sound really silly, but I have to post it anyway to get it off my system.

Today for some reason all of a sudden I got so emotional. You know how we had the time change and it gets dark outside faster? Well, I was alone at home and I got to thinking about my hysterectomy and the huge fibroid I had, how "deformed" it made my body look, my severe anemic conditions, and how surgery was the only alternative to get my life back again. Then I started to think about my recovery period. All the people that have supported me throughout this whole ordeal, how I was so pampered by my mother, (she is the greatest), and all the attention I got when I was healing.

Now that my life is back to every day normality, I started to feel a deep sense of sadness. Don't get me wrong. I am happy that I was blessed with my health back, but I think now of what could have been, what may never be, and what will happen next. The fact that I was put here on earth as a woman but yet I cannot ever bear a child like other women makes me sad as well.

I have many gifts and cards given to me during the time I was healing and I realize that I am going through those cards and reading them over again, just so I can "feel" the love I had while recovering. I am taking the gifts and smiling as I hold them in my hands, just so I can "savor" those moments when I felt so much love from everyone.

Forgive me if I am rambling too much. Maybe my emotions are a part of hormonal imbalance, I don't know.

I know that for everyone, their recovery period was such an important event in their lives, as with your surgery. But does anyone else feel like me on this - where you don't want to "lose" that feeling of being pampered because there is something there that made you realize your 'self worth'? It's like I want to "grasp" this feeling, this memory of my recovery time, and tuck in tightly inside my hand and never let it slip away.

I hope I made sense in my question. And I hope you all don't think I've lost it - lol... but my emotions got the most of me today. *sigh*

Moonlightlady,

I felt the exact same way. It hit me about 10 weeks after surgery, not to mention in the months leading up to surgery. I cried getting on the stretcher in the hospital and everyday while I was in the hospital. I felt better after starting on estrogen.

I also put my surgery off for 4 years, despite the pain and bleeding and ever growing abdomen-because, even after 40, I kept hoping that the right guy would come along and I could have just 1 baby. It never happened.

I feel your pain. Even a year later, I still think about what will never be for me.

I send a

As women we are often the one giving love and pampering and not too much the other way. I am sure you did enjoy the pampering you got. I'm a bit jealous that my friends and family didn't feel it necessary....(sorry digressing).

Think of your cup now as full and overflowing....now you are ready to go and support others (like all of us still healing here) Find someone tommorrow that needs your smile, your kind words, your touch..

Trish

I have had bouts of sadness since my hyst also. I was fine with my decision for surgery and still am, but the emotional part of "losing" my ability to have children took me by surprise. I have 3 wonderful blessings at home and DH and I decided that was plenty..no problem..but just coming to terms with that reality of never being able to bear anymore was something I was not expecting to have to deal with. I feel guilty at the same time because I know there are so many women out there who would give anything to be able to have kids and just aren't able....it makes me feel like I am so selfish for just not wanting anymore. My heart truly aches for those women and I know I could never imagine the kind of emotion that must be endured! I'm not really sure what my whole point is to this post( my mind wanders unexpectedly these days)....just I'm sorry it has to be so hard for so many women and in so many different situations. I wish someone would have warned me about all the emotional parts of this....I'm just praying we ALL find comfort and peace in knowing God has a plan for every one of us!

Gena:

I am 4wks post-op as well and I was having the same emotions as you are. My wonderful husband gave me some good advice...."please put your patch on" and so I did and two days later....I felt alot better. The emotion is still there, but at least I am not crying all the time and sad. My son was at school this week and had to draw a face and he made it with a sad smile and the teacher asked him who it was and why so sad and he said "it's my mommy and she is sad because she is sick all the time". The teacher told me and I just cried. After that too I just said no more.

On the issue of "other women who are not able to have children"...well, I was one of them. We tried for so many years and finally found out that my eggs were no good. We had to do donor egg and thank heaven for our doctor, we were able to get pregnant with the first ivf (boy/girl twins!). I think sometimes I feel the same way today as I did back then when it just wouldn't happen for us. As women, we always seem to feel that we have to do everything...one being having children. Well, god has plans for each of us and reasons. When you feel sad or emotional....give your children hugs.....or your husband....they will always be there for you as mine are for me. My husband has been the best for me after my hysto and all my problems post-op.

Okay...I am done babbling now.....cheer up...it will get better and take care of yourself.

Julie

Hi Ladies,
After reading the posts I felt compelled to respond. I am exactly 2 weeks out of surgery. I was able to keep just my ovaries. The only crying I did was the day I was told I needed to have the surgery and in the prep room and then the day I fell (halloween) and busted my eye and now have a huge black,purple,yellow, eye!! We all laugh at it now.

But I do have a daughter, and I never once cried because I felt less of a woman or felt that my days were done as far as parenting. I am 46 and didn't plan on any more anyway. I am not sure of my point but I know that you all are wonderful women; women who are moms, wives and accomplished in your own way. Our health is so important and feeling good is worth so much. I had such low hemoglobin (4.9) at one point and now I am up to an 11.0 (yeah) and am grateful to already starting to feel better. I still cannot take riding in a car, ruins the rest of my day it seems.

I think by being able to keep my ovaries helps alot in the emotional part. But I also think that part of the emotions come from realizing that sometimes we dont get the pampering we need and dont feel the love and appreciation that we deserve. Thats why this site is so great! We all, as women, are truly special in our own right. At least you know that when the chips are down your family and friends pitched in and supported you. I know there are women out there that didnt get that at this time. I plan to be by my friends side when she has hers on the 14th. Nobody really understands what we had to endure unless they themselves had to go through it.

So women of this site.....rejoice in your health and love yourself for all the gifts you bring to the world!!!

I'm 48 years old and have four children (was pregnant 6 times, had one early miscarriage one at 5 months and loss an angel twin of my daughter pre birth) Even before this hystie I went thru the feeling of sadness that surounds women as they leave child bearing behind. My youngest child is 15 and I think I had the feeling of "loss" when she was about 5 or 6. This is normal...what would not be normal is dwelling on it so much that we lose the vitality of our own life stage.

Let me tell you from experience having kids 25 to 15 that each stage is a blessing and a curse. Having been a daycare provider for 15 years I tell my parents..once they sleep all night....you stay up all night worrying why they are staying out all night....LOL. As each stage passes from childbearing....to baby nuturing....to child rearing....to teenage misadventures....to supporting a new adult you reflect back over what has passed and see what was good and worth repeating...and Thank the LORD on bended knee for the stuff you barely survivied.
Passing thru the childbearing stage...and onto a new phase of our post hysterectomy lives will open lots of healthy possibilites to all of us who were plagued by pain and illness that lead us to this moment. We will be able to enjoy our families and even if you have no children of your own and share in the lives of nieces, nephews and enjoy the people in our lives more than we have in a long time. You will have your HEALTH renewed. To me my healing will be a blessing beyond compare and I plan on striving to full recovery so that I can enjoy the womanhood and life I've always desired and deserved.

Good Luck to all of you in your journey....so glad to have your support along the way.
'
Trish