My Heart is breaking

Hi
I am new here.
I had a Hysterectomy 7 weeks ago and I am still a mess emotionally.
i wanted so badly to have another child, so did my hubby and Son. I had to have it done for medical reasons.

Is there anyone else out there that are feeling like I do?
I still have Baby stuff that I saved for the next one, guess there won't be one.............................. It's just not fair....

Sorry for blabbering on. I am cryiong while I type this.

Thanks for taking the time out to read this.

Tansdolphin

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of these emotions! I wish I had a magic wand . . .

Life often doesn't turn out the way we hoped or planned. And, we sometimes find ourselves in places we never imagined we would be. It helps me to believe that everything happens for a reason. I know that sounds cliche, but it helps me to cope when things get to be "too much."

We're sort of tiny puzzle pieces, and we can't see the big picture from where we are. In time, it will all come into focus. For now, I hope it helps to know that you are definitely not alone in this long journey.

Big hugs!!!!
monami

I can relate to your feelings. I had my hysterectomy after 18 years of infertility. All my children are adopted. I definitely have moments of feeling ripped off. Not only did my uterus do nothing for me it also caused me many problems. I try to remember the blessings in my life and the children I do have and wouldn't have had if I had been fertile. And sometimes I use these moments to decide if there's something I should be doing in my life or with my life that I might not have been able to do if I hadn't experienced infertility.

I hope that makes sense. I definitely can relate to your disappointment.

RK96

Dear Tansdolphin,

Many to you as you go through this. I had my left tube and ovary removed in 1989 due to severe endometriosis I was 21 and had been married just 8 months, After 5 long years we were able to conceive our DD naturally. I was so thankful for our miracle and naturally fell into the routine of being mommy. Loving every minute of it and only wanting to experience childbirth again and again. We patiently waited for our "next miracle" and was thrilled to learn that we were expecting our second. Only to have our hearts broken at the loss of our baby, that was in 1997 and suffered another loss in 1998. By this time our first was asking for siblings and it hurt soooo much not to know how to help her understand that it most likely wasn't to be. More time went by with me in bed every month for days on end due to the pain and heavy bleeding. After a fainting spell and seeing the look on my DH and DD faces while I'm being loaded into an ambulance was what I needed to be able to say "enough is enough". Life is passing by too quickly for me to be sitting on the side. I went into this surgery(TAH on 8/07/06) knowing that it was the best possible thing to do. My head knew it but I'm still trying to convice my heart. It has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I'm sure that doesn't sound very encouraging but please know that your not alone and what ever you do, allow yourself this time to grieve for what might have been. My wonderful DR. told me that there are 5 steps in the grieving process ....I'm sorry that I can't remember them all but what I do remember him saying is: regret, sadness, anger. I have felt them all and then some but you must allow yourself to deal with one before you can move on to the other and continue your healing process. Believe me, I haven't "arrived" I still have some very hard days but I'm trying to look at the years ahead and know that they will be so much better. I want to give my DD back what endometriosis took from her.....her mother. She's 12 now and just became a "woman" the week before I became a "princess"!! LOL She really needs her mom now!! I'm sorry to ramble on but I just felt like sharing my story with you. Please know your not alone, take wonderful care of yourself and embrace every feeling you have...which will be many, don't let anyone make you think you should be "over this by now". The time will come when you can look back at this knowing that you did the right thing and life will be good again. Many hugs and prayers!!

HI Tans,
It is real tough to be where you are right now. Time will heal your hurt most assuredly. It is ok to cry. Every woman gets her hysterectomy for the right reason at the time. It is according to the circumstances. Hug yourself and tell yourself it is ok to cry and let the hurt out. When you get to feeling better physically. Your emotions will soon come with it. You will cherish the child that you do have. ( as I am sure you do ). God will touch your heart and heal it. It just may take some time. Getting a hysterectomy is sometimes like pulling that final plug. We start feeling sad before we ever get to feeling better enough to feel glad for the very reason we had the surgery to begin with. Please try to hang in ther and hold your chin up. We all love you. Sincerely, Sunshine 48.

I completely know what you are going through. I had mine right after the birth of my daughter. She is my first and only. It does get easier with time, I just cherish every moment and thank god he gave me my daughter. Put your heart and soul into your son. I promise it will get better. And talk to someone that helps as well.

Hi Ladies

Thankyou so much for sharing your stories with me and for making me feel that I am alone. I mean my DH and Son are a very strong support for me but I don't want to lean on them too much as I am not the only one going through this my Boys are too (my Hubby and Son, who really wanted a Brother or Sister).

How long does it take for the heartache to go away. Since the birth of my Son in 1997 we have had 3 Miscarriages but one was twins. I am feeling that hurt I had when I had my Miscarriages is coming back, is that normal?????

I'm sorry you're hurting. I have also suffered multiple miscarriages, including one set of identical twins. Having the hysterectomy has seemed to open those wounds to that. I think your feelings are normal. I'm glad we have each other to lean on while we heal. My son still asks for a baby brother or sister. It's hard.

You hang in there and keep us posted on how you're doing. I'm here for you.

A good day, no tears YET!!!

Thank you for all your support. My family and freinds are so pleased I found this site. I now have woman surrounding me that know how I feel.

Thanks again

Hi Tansdolphin,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low. I entered into this whole process thinking that I wasn't really emotionally attached to my uterus, but more concerned with the health aspects of losing organs, possible cancer, etc. I'm 41, have a healthy son and daughter, and hadn't particularly planned to give birth again. I thought I was really fine with all of this. Then, after complaining that I couldn't wear any of my usual pants, a good friend showed up with a bag of maternity clothes. I thought "How ironic, yet clever!" But the minute I put the outfit on, I dissolved into tears. It's one thing to choose each month not to be pregnant; it's another altogether to not have that choice. I am definitely mourning the loss of my uterus which I believe is normal and healthy. We lost a part of ourselves! I say, let yourself mourn AND give thanks for a healthy outcome. I'm trying.