loss of libido-is it gone forever?

Hi everyone,
I last posted back in March after my shock diagnosis of endo cancer and subsequent hysterectomy and removal of ovaries
After my op i found a lot of scary stuff on this site so decided not to post for a while.
8 months on I am in a better state in that I have come to terms with what happened to me. I had grade one stage one endo cancer so no futher treatment was required.
My sex life pretty much went back to normal after I had healed. I have always had a strong sex drive so I thought all would continue to be ok.
Gradually though, over the last 2 months although I have a desire for love- making there is absolutely no way I can orgasm. I feel very strange. I enjoy the touching as I always did but there is absolutely no sexual build up like I am used to.The "ache" is gone. Instead of a sexual response my mouth waters and I feel like crying-most bizarre!
I understand that this is common after a BSO but all the stuff out there does not give me any hope of an improvement whatsoever. My husband and I are so saddened by what has happened. We still make love but we have given up trying to get me "there".
I am not permitted any hormone replacement therapy b/c of my cancer. I was having terrible vaginal atrophy but found inserting vitamin E capsules has worked wonders. So that is now not a problem.
I have noticed ladies talking of testosterone but surely you cannot be given that if you have had cancer?
Is there anyone out there who can give me any hope? Might things improve in time?
My nipples were completely numb for quite a long time but the feeling has now returned.
I have my 6 months check up on Wednesday and wonder if there is any point in asking about it. In Uk the doctors will not allow hrt after cancer.

Hang in there with your recovery. I too enjoy the touching part of it but the build up is not the same and the ache is gone too. It is disappointing most times. I had the same diagnosis. Although, my cancer crawled over onto my cervix so I had radiation treatments. Can you tell me more about using vitamin E for vaginal atrophy? I was given a , augh I can't remember the name of it. It is a long tube shape which I insert to keep me open. Anyway, I use it before intimacy because if I don't it feels like the first time everytime. The one thing I do when we are intimate is that I think about the fact that my husband still enjoys being with me. He is very accommodating. It takes a year for recovery from a hysterectomy, so be nice to yourself and rest. - Lisa, Ventura, Ca

Hi lisa
Sorry I have only just seen your reply and thank you for it. I have not received any notification of it on my e-mail although I have enabled it.
I use a Replens applicator. I just put the vit E capsule on the end and insert it as far as possible.
I wonder as you are ahead of me timewise-how are you feeling generally?I feel so empty and flat all the time. Im not depressed in the way I used to be during peri but I find little joy in anything. Basically I feel there is no way back now and that I will never feel like my old self again. I am very fit and do all the things I used to but mentally I am not good. I am also having terrible hot flushes and anxiety
It would be helpful to hear from someone further down the line. I hope you can give me some feedback as to how long I am likely to feel this way. I am so afraid it will never improve. Hope you can give some positive feedback. Thank you
Jan

Jan
First thank you for replying. At this point in time I feel great! Although I went through a bout of shingles, last month, which is from the chicken pox virus. Causes are stress, fatigue, radiation treatments and cancer. I was four for four. I don't have hot flashes but i'm also not fit either. I couldn't do anything the first year. Although the further I got away from all my treatments, I felt better and better. I'm going to join Curves next month, and join my co workers. They are great supporters of good health. Talk to your doctor about your anxiety and depression. Good luck - Lisa

Hi again Lisa
I am feeling a lot better now thanks. I think this recovery thing is very "up and down". I keep very fit-I swim 3 times a week and cycle- apart from all the walking I do to and from town. Apart from the hot flashes I feel physically better than I did during peri. I believe I look better too. People who dont even know about my cancer keep coming up and saying that I am looking really well-so I must have looked pretty terrible before!
I think I am finding it hard to come to terms with the loss of my sexual feelings because it was so sudden. After the op I was fine and then all of a sudden about 6 months later everything just stopped. I believe it is possible that eventually some of the feeling will return but i am not holding out too much hope. After all I am 54 so maybe I am just going to accept that it will never be like it was again. Maybe they would have all stopped anyway after menopause-who knows?
best wishes Jan

Hi Jan

I often wonder whether some of us seem to hit an 'off' switch at menopause. I had my hyst after natural menopause so I can't blame that at all for my lack of desire. Mine just sort of disappeared around when I had my last period and has never returned. It's very very frustrating and distressing as you know, especially if you can't take HRT (although I did take that for awhile but it didn't do a thing to help my sexual desire). I wish I could offer some advice but all I can say is I know exactly how you feel. It sounds as though you're doing all you can to keep fit and healthy and I guess that's all one can do. All the very best.