3 weeks Post-Op--Please tell me I'm "normal"

I hit my 3 week mark yesterday and, while I knew that it was going to be a long haul, I just never expected this. I've always been the one to bounce back from everything--faster and better than expected. I was in a head on collision almost 4 years ago and ended up with a fractured pelvis, broken ribs and collarbone. I honestly thought that I would never go through anything that could be that painful ever again. I was so wrong. Waking up in recovery, my husband said that all I kept repeating was that I never knew I could hurt so bad. My Dr. gave me the go ahead to come back to work after 2 weeks since I have a desk job and I was losing my mind at home and being here really does keep my mind off of it better than sitting at home. So, here I am--in pain of varying degrees virtually 24/7 even with the vicodin, so depressed and frustrated I'm on the verge of tears about 95% of the time and wondering when/if I'll ever have a normal day again. I go home from work exhausted and usually stretch out and nap for an hour or so when I get home. And even though I am exhausted, I probably don't get more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep at night. My husband is the best in every way and I couldn't ask for anything more. The people at work are sympathetic but I haven't really let them in on just how bad things are because that's not how I am. And if 1 more person tells me that the pain isn't normal--that something must be wrong even though it's really pretty much in line with what I was told to expect, I'm going to hurt them--especially the men that tell me their ex-wife had a hysterectomy and they recovered a lot faster with a lot less pain, etc.... I can't really concentrate. Emptying my bladder isn't as easy as it once was--although it's improving. I've had more gas that I would have ever thought possible and it hurts. I thought that I wouldn't really have that many emotional issues related to the loss of my uterus because I never had children even though I always wanted them--but I am having issues with it. (Until I had a hysteroscopy 2 months prior to the hysterectomy and it was discovered that my uterus had a septum and was a mass of polyps, there had never been an explantion for my inability to get pregnant) I'm sorry to have rambled but I really do feel as though I'm dangling here and my grip on the rope is slipping. I feel like a wuss because I'm not handling it all better and I guess I just really need to know that what I'm going thru is normal. I just need to see that light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for "listening."

Hi Bella, sorry you feeling so bad/stressed. But the good news is that you are right on target with what you are feeling. You are perfectly normal. Really you are. Now the thing to understand is that right now your body is telling you something. I think you may be pushing your recovery a bit. I was very tired, bloated and had pain. This is your body trying to slow you down. Is it possible for you to work 1/2 days? Just for awhile? I think you are doing to much. And the emotions? That's perfectly normal too. Your body is doing everything it can to heal. And now it's trying to do everything it can to meet your demands (work, chores, shopping etc) and it just doesn't have enough to go around. You have a new body and it needs time to figure itself out.
So what can you do? Simple, call your dr. Tell him about any pain, bloating or pressure. And please tell him about feeling angry and tired. Those are physical signs of physical problems. They are Not weakness. Sometimes we don't feel pain as a sharp stab, it's just an overall tense bad feeling.
At the 3 month mark I was feeling like you. It took that long for it to catch up with me. I walked out of the dr's office with 3 Rx's. And it helped more than I can say.
Please consider getting a little extra assistance at this time.
I hope you feel better soon.

You are more than 'normal'. You are brave and couragous and strong. This is a very hard thing you are going through. So VERY hard and others just don't quite get it unless they have been here.
Your emotions being all over the place, frustration, feeling the harsh blow of not having control, pain, saddness, anger, confusion,.... it is all a part of the healing process.
Cry to let the emotions out. It is ok to cry. Vent in ways that make you feel better. It too is part of healing.
The three week mark is really a hurdle for some reason.
You WILL get through it. One moment at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time.
When you start to get overwhelmed, think of wonderful things like the soft fur of a kitten rubbing on yoru cheek. Like the first time your sweetie kissed you. Like how pretty it is at first snowfall or how beautiful the sunrise looked the last time you watched it. Remember how the sun glistens off a raindrop sitting on a flower pedal and looks just like a dimond. Remember how lovely that flower smells.
Calm yourself with calming thoughts. You will get through this --- this too shall pass --- honest - it will.
Big hugs to a very normal girl in a very hard healing spot.

Thank you! I know I'm pushing it to a degree but work is about the only thing that's keeping me sane because I have to concentrate on things other than the surgery and recovery. I was planning to call my Dr. today to set up my 4 week post-op appointment and discuss all this with him but I really needed someone that's been thru it to tell me that I'm going to be okay. I'm fortunate to have a wonderful, longterm relationship with my Dr.--about 28 years--and he actually did my mother's and grandmother's hysterectomies--not a family tradition that I'm totally thrilled with. I love him to death and he has always taken such good care of me, so I know that he will this time, too. But it's one thing to hear it from a Dr. and another to hear it from someone that's been thru it. I pull out my little post-op sheets that he and the hospital gave me and everything's there in black and white but it's not the same as being told by someone who knows firsthand what I'm experiencing. Again, thank you.

You dont mention your age or what type of hysterectomy you had. Its possible your hormones are a cause of your emotions. As far as your pain, I really think you are overdoing and should not really be up and about so much. Your body can not heal properly without rest, mental and physical rest. Most hysterectomies require 6 week recovery. I think you really should discuss with your doctor how you are feeling. Best of luck to you!

I understand what you are going through.. It is totally normal.. Please be patient with yourself. Your feelings are totally normal. I am 3 weeks post op. and have lupus, and due to complications from that I had to have this surgery. I have two children, and due to lupus was told never to have anymore. I accepted that, but for some reason since this surgery, I feel very empty inside, like something was taken from me. I have talked to several people who have had this surgery and they told me it is a totally normal feeling. I had a abdominal hyster. with ovaries removed, only have the cervix left. My hormones have been adjusted already and that has made a great deal of difference with my emotions. I am not sure if you still have your ovaries or not, but if you dont, contact your dr. and tell them how you are feeling, if you are taking HRT it just might need to be adjusted. Please take care, and update me on how you are doing....

I have also always been one of the quick "bounce-backers". This has knocked me on my butt. Recovery comes in all shapes and sizes, just like people do. The black-and-white they provide at MD offices and hospitals are a guide, not hard and fast schedules. Some seem to be dancing a jig after a week, others take months to heal. It is hard to tell when pushing yourself is helpful and when it will set you back, especially when you've always been used to quick recoveries.

My doc gave me a very rosy picture about recovery times - just trying to be optimistic I think, not to put pressure on me. I also didn't know about the hormone rollercoaster until finding this board. I'm trying to be patient/gentle with myself. It's a learned skill, but you can do it!

P.S. I've found staying in PJ's all day makes it easier to feel less guilty about not pushing myself

I'm 46 and it was an abdominal, uterus only hysterectomy. I kept my ovaries and cervix. Physically, my job isn't taxing at all. And I really don't feel any worse--emotionally or physically--than I did when I was at home. Emotionally, I was actually in worse shape while I was at home because no matter how much I tried, I couldn't get interested in books or movies or magazines or anything at all so I wallowed in my pitifulness 24/7. Being here at work makes me feel a little more like myself and gives me back some of my independence. It really has been the best thing for me. And I wear sweats to stay as comfortable as possible. I have my heating pad and pillow. At lunch I kick back a little and relax. When I get stressed, I go stand outside and enjoy the cool air and sunshine. And I enjoy being around my coworkers. At home I'd be wallowing and worrying about what wasn't getting done and stressing over not being here. And if I do need to go home, I can with little or no problem. Again, I know I'm pushing it a little but if I were home, I'd probably be doing about the same thing I am now--sitting in front of the computer.

You are a brave woman! I could not have possibly come back to work at that stage! I am seven weeks out today, and this is my first week back to work! It has been exhausting. But at 3 weeks, even though I am healing quite fast, it would have been impossible. Bravo Gal! But take it very slowly, you have lots of healing to do yet. I know I do!

I actually came back a little shy of 2 weeks. Seriously, I would have lost my mind had I stayed home. But, to make it even more exciting, my first day back, I woke up with my cornea torn. (I have something called recurrent corneal erosion where I tear my cornea for no reason and will probably have surgery on 1 or both eyes next month) So, I come in here on my 1st day back in my bag lady clothes, shuffling around like Frankenstein's monster, looking like a homeless pirate with an eye patch. All I needed was the parrot. That night was the 1st time I really broke down and just bawled like a baby. I mean, didn't I have enough to deal with at that point? But the pain from the cornea tear took my mind off the recovery pain for a few days. At that point someone gave me that old adage about God never giving you more than you could handle and all I could think was that I needed to check and make sure he hadn't confused me with someone else because I really felt like I was at a breaking point. But, you know, in a couple of days, when the eye was better, there was such relief from that, that I really felt like I could handle everything again. Sometimes it's kind of stupid, the things that give you the strength to go on. And then other things make perfect sense. The guys here in the office make fun of me and the things I'm going thru--in a good way--and I laugh a lot even though it really hurts. One of them offered me his sick time if I needed it and took responsibility for feeding all my feral cats that live in our warehouse yard. Someone else really stepped up to the plate and helped keep things from falling apart while I was gone and has kept it up since I got back. My boss hasn't once made me feel guilty or like a slacker for the time off I did take or the time that I'm needing to get back up to speed. And he never fails to ask how I am--or to join in with the others to kid me about things. So work really has been a blessing. It would probably be easier physically if I stayed home, but mentally, I'd be a wreck.