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I am such a wreck, and I've always gotten good advice from all of you so I'm hoping I can get some more today.
DH is completely hating me right now. He keeps telling me that all I care about is myself and I never think of anyone else. He says that instead of worrying about my surgery, I should be worrying about how he is going to survive my recovery since he'll be taking care of everything around here while I "sit around and do nothing for six weeks." He is constantly complaining about how this is going to affect his job because he will be late to work everyday for six weeks since he'll have to drop DS off at daycare. Meanwhile my mom, who lives with us, has already said that she will take DS to daycare everyday - he just doesn't hear it. I'm so afraid that he is going to resent me so much for "dumping all of this" on him that our marriage will suffer. He used to be so supportive and caring, but things have been going downhill since DS was born (he's almost 3). I don't know what to do. I'm so scared of the surgery, and of surgical menopause, and now I'm scared that I'm losing my husband too. All of this has me so stressed out that my symptoms have gotten much worse. I'm now on constant pain meds just to get through the day, I can't sleep, when I do sleep I have terrible nightmares, and I think DS is starting to pick up on all of this. He spent this entire long weekend attached to my hip. He keeps telling DH "you not my friend anymore," I assume because he keeps hearing DH yell at me. I'm such a mess. What should I do?
If your husband is worried about being overloaded during your recovery, I guess it's up to you to write up a list of people who will help him out during that time. He may be overwhelmed at the idea of these exta responsibilities, but when it's actually show time, it will probably be less work than he imagines. It is undoubtedly stressful for him to contemplate you having surgery, but you should gently remind him that YOU are the one who's going under the knife, and if it were possible for him to undertake the surgery in your place so that you could keep driving the car and whatever else needs to be done, that would be okay with you!
As for hysterectomy causing divorce, I imagine the stress of the situation could lead to a blowup, but I would urge you not to contemplate such a drastic step at a time like this. You've got to take him by the hand and say, "Honey, I know this is going to be tough on all of us, but we need to work together to get through this time, and maybe it will make us feel closer than we have in a while." I know it's hard to imagine saying anything like that just now, but it may be what is needed to get all of you through this. Good luck to you!
OK. Take a moment to get your breath. Since your surgery is coming up in 7 days there are things you can do to prepare and make life easier for DH (do extra shopping and stock up house on food/supplies, if you are making dinner now double the recipe and freeze a dinner for after surgery, ...etc.) Maybe that will make DH feel more secure. Face it, we do alot (most) in the house and with the kids and I think hubby's can feel insecure about getting it all done. Maybe you and your mom can talk about how she can step up when DH gets home and clean up the kitchen and take 'lil sweet one' to his room for a special time to let DH and you have some alone time.
Pain meds are great for pain but can cause nightmares and/or insomnia...you may need a different kind. Talk to your DR.
Enlist help from friends. If they want to bring by dinner by all means let them. Keep everything really simple the first two weeks (especially). Then you feel some better to be up walking some and doing "LIGHT" chores. Look at the website and find the post op information on the stages after surgery and what is/and is not allowed. Review it with your DH. Also review with him and sections about what can happen if you do too much too soon. The more informed DH and your mom are the better.
You are NOT BEING LAZY or just SITTING AROUND. This is major surgery and you need to heal so you can do the things you are use to doing. Also, I think DH might be nervous about all this and expressing through anger. My husband was SO TENSE before the surgery...worse than me. You will be ok.
TAH for enlarged uterus and numerous fibroids. Uterus and cervix removed, ovaries and tubes remain, life is great! I had the same issue and am sort of reading about surgical menopause and thinking...yikes!
First and far more important....let me start by giving you a great big
You should sit and ask your dh what is exactly what is going on with him. Sometimes dh's seem to react out of fear. He probably relies on you so much that now that he will have to do most of work for now, he just doesn't know how to deal with it, and with the fact that this IS major surgery he may be scared. I say start with asking him and let him know that you are not leaving him, and that you have your own fears and maybe that can help some. And remember Mom is there too, so you are not alone. Plus the little one, sometimes their hugs are the best in times like this.
I will keep you in prayer that everything will go well. Most of all have a speedy recovery and best wishes to you!!! And your family!!
Thank you, ladies! I will try to talk to him and see if I can get to the bottom of this. He has been so angry ever since I came back from the doctor and told him I was going to have to have this surgery (even though we both knew that this was coming). Maybe he is scared and is just not showing it very well. I really appreciate the support, and the suggestions. I know my mom is going to be a huge help to him during the first couple weeks when I will be really down and out, but I don't think he believes it. Thanks again.