Was Nervous, but now scared...

Saw my rad/onc dr yesterday and I am now stage 3a and not 2b on the edno cancer, I went from having radiation to probably having chemo, also, just like that. The cancer was in the falopian. I've been concentrating so hard on getting better I forgot to think about worst case scenarios. I've been so positive about all this and sitting there getting a CAT scan to me ever again exposed bottom it hit me like a ton of bricks, i try not to cry but sometimes it just hits me in waves, i try not to let my family see how upset I am, I even let my husband cry today for me , he feels so bad about all I have to go through. i just want it to be over. I'm gettingwhat seems to be a standard 28 exrternal treatments and 3 internal and all the info.... I know you've been there and I sound like i'm whining, i just need to get it off my chest because the elephant in the middle of the room ain't going away.

Others with endo will come along, but meanwhile here's my hugs to help you over the hump. It really pulls the carpet out from under us when somehting unexpected is thrown our way. Have you had the chance to sit and talk with your doc about what this change means for you, not just in treatments, but his general health and prognosis for you? Take a deep breathe, let the tears fall and then pick up the pieces and take it on. We're here to help in any way we can.

Hi Beaner.

I too have been there, been thrown that curve ball when least expected. My doc and I were hopeful that surgery would be my cure. The surgery went well and the pathologist even concurred at the time of surgery that they managed to get everything out - however after the final pathology report came back - it had spread. It wasn't so much the radiation and chemo that I would need to be cured that hurt me - but losing my fertility really hit me and upset me the most.

I have taken many days to grieve. That crying really does help. I know what you mean about being brave and strong in front of your family, but sometimes you just need to let it go and let them know how you are feeling. It can actually be very therapuetic (sp) for everyone.

We are all here for you, to support you through each step of your journey to recovery. And yes - 3a is still most definitely a recovery!!!

Sending you many gentle 's
Jan

Oh, Beaner, I can relate. The grade of my cancer went from medium to aggressive after staging.

I'm sorry your staging changed and know what a shock that would be to you. I was positive I wouldn't recur; but I did and now I'm doing Arm I (the "Big Three" as I call them) of GOG 0209 clinical trial.

One thing I've learned along this journey is to take things a step at a time. Don't worry about the big picture but focus on each day. Do something to build your spirits like walking and listening to uplifting music. That helped me.

First of all, radiation is do-able. It's painless and after the simulation (set-up) the actual process only takes a few minutes for external. You lay there and the machine does its thing. I counted the days I had done and not how many days I had left -- until I was well past the half way mark.

Internal takes a bit longer but three treatments are over before you realize it.

Radiation may make you tired and it may give you diarrhea but there are things that will help.

Immodium helps some people.

Eat smaller meals more often. Snack on crackers. I have a list of things that helped me and if you want you can private message me and I'll send them to you.

You'll probably do the radiation first so focus on it.

Chemo isn't as scary as it sounds. They have medicine to help you not throw up. So far, mine has been much easier than I expected; although I know it's culmultive and things may not always go as smoothly.

Will you be doing a clinical trial or do you know yet?

In a few months, treatment will be behind you.

Crying is a part of healing and I think it is helpful... releases endorphins I think.

Hang in there. You can do this. One day at a time.

Wishing you a Peace that Passes Understanding.

Best wishes and
Kate

Hi Beaner,

I'm sorry you're going through this. I feel bad for you. Cry all you need to, because crying is a good release. Dealing with cancer is never easy and it does take us by shock. I know I thought I never would have cancer, but it sure showed me different.

You will be fine and after the treatments put this behind you. Just take one day at a time. You will get through this with the help of your hystersisters here.

Hang in there. Stay strong. Keep a positive attitude. Keep on saying each day I can do this!! You're strong and you will survive this.

I wish you the best, and you have my prayers
SA

Beaner, I too am so sorry you're getting hit with this. At least I knew going in that I was facing both rads and chemo, and I think knowing that ahead of time made it easier to deal with.

Most ladies found chemo "easier" to deal with than rads, but it was the opposite for me - I found the rads, although tedious and tiring, a piece of cake (the side effects didn't treat me all that badly - the one benefit of being a fluffy gal), but those down days of chemo I thought would kill me. That said, I'm still here - so it's really not that bad. You'll get through it, just like all of us, because really what choice do you have?

I also did my grieving in private - didn't even cry in front of DH after I got the original diagnosis. I wanted to be strong for my family (immediate and extended) so I always wore my brave face, and to this day they have no idea how hard this whole cancer thing is - except for my FIL who had to watch his wife die from pancreatic cancer 17 years ago.

Thanks to the ever-present chemo brain I've completely forgotten where I was going with all of my rambling. lol I did want to say that you'll get through this and we'll be here to help you.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I too had endo cancer which originally diagnosed as Stage 1A Grade 1, but after the surgery I found it was Stage 3A.

I had 25 rads, 5 internal rads and 10 external electrode radiations (I think that's what they are called). Because my cancer had spread to my lower vagina/vulva area, I had to have surface radiation which was uncomfortable but doable. I also had chemo during radiation. It was Cysplatin which they said was a radiation booster type of chemo. Do you know what kind of chemo you will be getting? With the Cysplatin I did not lose my hair and had a relatively easy time with it only having a "feeling under the weather" day about the third day after chemo. Never got nauseas but they give you good drugs for that. The hardest thing I've faced doing radiation is fatigue, but again you can get through it.

I'm now cancer free, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just take one day at a time and feel what you need to feel. I have a terrific husband who cried with me during the tough times and I think we've become a stronger couple because of it.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing. This is a great place to vent, to get information and to get uplifted.

I'll be praying for you!
Vicky

thank you all for your wonderful support, I know I really count on you more than i ever thought I could. It means alot to me to have you here . Prayers are welcome, hugs and handholding are cherished. I see my gyn tomorrow and he'll just tell me what the rad/onc said but I'll be better prepared. I feel better today and 'm glad you're here beaner

Hi Beaner,
It's good to hear you feel better today and may that become the norm. Sorry that curve ball had to be thrown which also means treatment becomes more extensive.
As you see, you always have the many s on this site available to you; they certainly can help guide you through the journey they've successfully completed.
Pls let us know how your appointment goes tomorrow. My good thoughts are with you and I'll be including you in prayer.
s,
peggiesue

well my appointment was ok, I finally asked a bunch of questions, and it was better knowing ahead than just finding out today. Yes things are a little scarier nowbut i have options,(I did say it would be easier if they would just tell me what to do!!) Because my cancer was so contained to my VERY enlarged uterus and there were no signs of spreading anywhere including lymph nodes chemo is not an absolute. 3 of the drs on the tumor board agreed, some did not. My dr doesn't see it as absolute, nor my rad dr, however my dr did say ,when asked, if it was him he would do chemo. I know that's conflicting but at least he was honest!!! I also had a PET-scan today and that may determine even more or even less depending on what they find> While I am staying hopeful that there is nothing I will stay cautious. I don't know when I'll find out those results, for sure, I hope before rad. starts. That's what I know today, I can resume everything and will start up back at work next week, all that up and down on those tables today I have a twinge in my lower pelvic area, all the more reason not to rush work , (my six weeks is wed.) dr asked if I needed a note and I laughed because I work with my dh at our business and even though he is the boss(at work) I said I would tell him when I was ready to come back. That's today, of one day at a time
love to all beaner