family support?! Not!

Hi Sisters,
It's a good thing I have you because my family just doesn't get it. My dh is wonderful, but he is so busy trying to watch our 2 yr. old son that he can't spare anything extra for me. My poor little boy just doesn't understand why I can't pick him up anymore or play with him like I used to. The words, "Mommy is sick," mean nothing to him. The more I suggest he play with Daddy, the more he jumps on my poor, sore body.

Then there's my gem of a mother. Some of you encouraged me in an earlier thread to ask my parents for financial help for the surgery, and b/c I'm out of work until the end of May. But my mother has decided that, though she has the money to help, this is a "lesson" from "God" about how to be a "better daughter." I don't know. My mother is very dysfunctional. She is an alcoholic and a former drug addict. It's hard to take anything she says seriously.

Then there's my mother-in-law. I called her to tell her the news and she starts telling me statistics like, "You're more likely to be told you need a hysterectomy if you live in the South," and "blah blah percent of hysterectomys are unnecessary." I'm like, "O.k., I guess you don't approve! My dh says it's just that she want's more biological grandchildren. Well, excuse me for not making her dreams come true! I guess I'll just continue on in pain so I can bear you more grandchildren...NOT!

Then there's my girlfriend who is a family m.d. who told me that, "Endo pain isn't this bad...you're not having a normal reaction...you need to see a psych doc for the pain in your reproductive organs."

Thanks for the validation, people!

hey u r not alone sister you will get thriough this promise

Right there with you , my Husband is the best but my family is the sme way as yours, they say this isnt any thing big or important there not eveing visiting me in the hospital. They are makingit so much harder. but coming here helps me so much. Just remember this is a time to focus on you! not them dont worry about them you will do great with just your hubbys suport and help!
good luck
Lisa

I so hate hearing this kind of thing. I remember when I first told my husband how I would not be able to do things after the surgery he said <oops please don't try to override the censor>!! twice!! The interview with the surgeon shut him up.

Other family have been pretty good but still.. it seems everyone sees hysterectomy as SO routine and the extras I am having done no one understands unless I spell it out to them in graphic detail.

All of you that feel unsupported, unnappreciated and uncared for just know.. WE care.. WE are rooting for you and we are here whenever you need.. just a few keystrokes away.

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with an insensitive family during this time. You will make it thru, just have faith.

Best wishes

Wendy

My hubby and kids will be my biggest support system...my mother can't be bothered and his mother, well....let's just say that she's not condusive to healing.

WOW! Your mother sounds just like my mother, with the "God's punishing" crap. My mother does think I should have the surgery, she actually has been pushing for it for 6 years. However, as sad as it is to say, I dont think it is out of concern for my health but for more of a birth control method. I have one "miracle" baby, well not baby, she will be 9 in a few weeks, but I was never married to her father and my mother still to this day in her alcoholic state blurts out that I should never have had her because my life would be easier? Atleast yo have support from your husband. My boyfriend (I will never get marryied again..hehehe) thinks it is no big deal and is more worried about my sex drive after than anything else. He says he will be there for me blah blah blah but he continues to tell me to get over it, his sister had one and it was no big deal. My daughter will be with her dad, 1000 mile away, when I have my surgery in June. Thank God for wonderful ladies like yourself, or I would be all alone. Good luck and always remember your not alone!! **H**U**G**S**

I am so sorry that you are going through this I know it's hard going through something like this by yourself...My children too have heard the words, "I'm sorry but mommy isn't feeling well today" too many times. My three year old son now comes up to me and says, "Mommy does your back hurt?" It makes me so sad. Just know that we are all here for you. It's nice to come here where you can talk to people in the same situation. You should contact your local Family Independence Agency for help...they take care of the financial assistance, ect. You might be able to get Medicaid health insurance that will cover 100% of the surgery...Good luck! I will keep you in my prayers.

I sooo sympathize with having a 2 yr.old! My youngest is 2 as well, birthday just b4 surgery, and it was very hard on him to not be picked up by mama in the first couple weeks! by the 3rd week I felt well enough to scoop him up on occasion, but he's also on the small side, only 26lbs.! Yours sounds like he's mama's boy too, they can't help it,they're inside us for 9months, so it's hard to get used to being outside, lol. Good luck on your recovery!

"quote" But my mother has decided that, though she has the money to help, this is a "lesson" from "God" about how to be a "better daughter." "end quote"
Being the smart *** <oops! please do not attempt to override the censor!> that I am I probably would have quipped "If He had given me a better mother, I would have been a better daughter."
The GF that is an MD I would have asked "and when were you diagnosed with endo so that you know what the pain is like?"
Hopefully I made you smile for a second.