Need Some Support (sorry kinda long)

Today is definitely an off day for me and I need some support.

On 5/22 I had LAVH-BSO and was started on hormones within 2 hours of my surgery.

So now my whine begins. The first two days of being home from the hospital I slept alot. Since then my kids (20 & 18) and hubby have been useless in taking care of the house, pool, animals, or anything. Their idea of helping me is to drop me off at the front door of the grocery store and meeting me inside. (I envy you girls who have friends and family that have pampered you.)

Because of finances I started back to work 1 week post op. Luckily for me, the owner of the company has been wonderful. I recline at my desk and prop my feet up when I need to. Plus, if I can't stay at work I have orders to lock the office up if no one is there to cover it and go home.

I have been reminding hubby that the pool really needs to be maintained on a weekly basis. Before I went into the hospital, I made sure the pool was clean and the water was clear and inviting. I walked out to look at it yesterday and it was all green and yucky looking. So I marched back into the house, screamed my head off, measured out pool chemicals and added them to the pool myself. (All the while hubby is standing in the kitchen telling me to stop before I hurt myself.) Now that is a joke. They haven't cared if I hurt myself since two days after the surgery. As a matter of fact, I told them that I felt like they didn't give a care about me one bit because they were not doing anything around the house other than sitting on their butts. Their mouths say we care but their actions speak louder.

Sure, I may be hormonal (even with the patch) but it is not my imagination about the house falling apart, the dog's food and water bowls constantly empty, the pool so nasty I could puke, laundry piling up, etc. They know what I can and can not do because the doctor told them so. (Before anyone says anything about my job let me say, hubby wanted me to go back to work and finances kinda forced the issue plus the owner and I had a heart to heart before my surgery about how things would be for me at the office post op. The office staff has been absolutely wonderful). I tried staying in my jammies thinking it would make them realize that I have just had surgery but it didn't work.

Okay, I will get off of my soap box before I cry but I am so tired of hurting and trying to recover from surgery with no help at all. Better yet, I think that I will just go curl up and cry.

cruzrgrl (Calitta)

Wow, I really feel bad for you. It sounds like things won't get done unless you do them...if its possible...just let it go and don't do it...you need to heal and recover properly so you won't have problems later on. Maybe you can go to the ck points on this website and print out what it says for your weeks of recovery and show your family.

As it says on this website you only have one chance to heal properly....It sounds like no-one is going to pamper you....so you have to pamper yourself. That means don't do the chores around the house that need to be done. I understand its hard to look at it and it drives you nuts....but adhesions or hernia's or other problems that can arise from overdoing it are a an awful price to pay. And tell your family you are hurting...let them know you hurt then go lay down.

I feel bad you are going thru this...and you can get up on that soap box anytime you want...that is what we sisters are here for!

Please take care of yourself....I hope you feel better soon.

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Try sitting them down and and telling them exactly what you wrote to us. I hope it gets better!

Calitta..I feel so sorry for you. You had major surgery and you need to take the time so you can heal properly. You only get one chance to do that. I also don't believe you are back to work. Don't know how you are doing that. But I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Lot of and a big for you you area very strong women...Paula

I can somewhat relate to what you are going through. I have a 20 yr old daughter who hardly even visited me my first night in the hospital because she had a party to go to. When she was there she kept asking me questions and wanted me to answer her. I was in and out of it and she annoyed me! Then when we got home, she hardly stayed home and only did things when I yelled and screamed and then still did them on her schedule.

Luckily I have a wonderful brother and sister-in-law. She came down every day to clean out the kitty litter. DD would not touch it. I even had a close friend come down on a Saturday to help with laundry that DD was not helping with.

At two weeks post-op, I had leaking between my stitches and had to have a visiting nurse come on a daily basis to clear it out and repack and bandage it. I was told it was not because I overdid, it was because it just sometimes happens. I was hoping that with my being down and out that my DD would learn exactly how much I do and it would help to teach her what she needs to do when she's out of the house and on her own, which I don't see happening any time soon! I do realize that I created the monster.

I'm sorry that finances forced you back to work at one week post op. It sounds like your boss and coworkers are treating you well though. I just wish your family would do the same. I know it's hard, but you will just have to put some blinders on and try not to do it all yourself. You have to be able to heal right the first time.

Maybe you should print out your thread with all our replies. It might help them to understand that it's not just you saying you need help. It may help with all of us who have been through it too backing you up.

I am really sorry to hear what you are going through. But all the other sisters are right you have to sit down and explain to your family that you can not do everything. It does sound like you have a great boss and co-workers but I would not beable to go back that soon (Kudos to you). Please try to take it easy for yourself and you health.
We are all here for you if you need us. It is wonderful to have Sisters like this.
Take care!

I am sooo sorry to hear all that you are going through. I kind of have a two way situation, DH wants me to do nothing, but to try and enforce it when he's gone....doesn't work that way all the time! I would sit down with everyone and show them the checkpoints for post op care as well as the stuff for the DH's. (and it doesn't always have to mean dear!). My DH went to both my preops so he pretty much knew going in how rough it would be and he's been really good about not letting me overdo it. Good luck and please take care of yourself, if things force you to overdo it now, what on earth will you do if you mess things up and need to go back in?

I'm sorry to hear you're not getting the support you need.
What if you hired someone to take care of the pool and the house once a week... Have DH and the kids pay for it!!! Maybe when they see the cost they'll break down and do a little work!
You need to recuperate... We can't be superwoman all of the time!

My son - who is turning 16 this summer - and my hubby took me out on Saturday for my first "outing"... Went to a restaurant for breakfast and then a quick (25 minute) Walmart shopping outing. Used one of the loaner wheelchairs at Walmart... Sonny boy got to push me...
Keeping in mind that my son broke his foot before our trip to Europe 2 years ago and I wheeled him through Eurodisney!! And I don't even go on rides!
Anyhow - we got home and I said how tired I was and all I got was "well what about me - I had to push you around!!" I wanted to smack him... But teens will be teens it seems - and they can rarely think about anyone but themselves. I had hoped I had raised him better - but alas - he sure wasn't being the sweetheart I had hoped for! Not that day anyhow...
Anyone notice that teenage boys get moody about 1-2 days a month??? I swear he has cycles - because he's great about 28 out of 30 days... The other two days I can't stand being in the same room as his Moodiness,,,

Hi crzyrgrl,

Sorry you family isn't being the support you want especially as they know what needs to be done. Your children are young adults and need to lift their game. Hubby well he could do with a good kick in the rear. He wants you back at work financially and you are doing what is required to keep the cashflow happening but he's falling down on his end.

While I usually don't advocate returning to work so early as you really should allow yourself the healing time you need, it would seem your boss is far more understanding than your family and that perhaps it's the safest place for you at present as you don't have to look at the lack of what's being done at home.

Do you have anyone you could stay with during the recovery period that would look after your needs even though you must still work? I think moving house and letting them fend for themselves might be just what the doctor ordered!

Another thought is to print off this thread and the responses in the hope that it may jerk them into action. Seems they are so used to letting you do it all that they are too selfish to understand that if you don't heal correctly you could be looking at other complications down the track.

Take care& hugs.............Karenxxx

I am so very sorry that this happening to you, so very soon after surgery. My husband learned hard & fast, 2 days after I was home I vacuumed, he wouldn't do it when I wanted and he went to work so...(my pet allergies were bad) Well I must say that was a huge mistake I bled heavy the next day and hurt real bad. I was so upset with him that I moved out of our bedroom & into my DD room and used her bathroom too. That lasted 1 week! He apologized the very night I moved, but he is like a kid, if I gave in right then he would not have learned and we would just keep going through that cycle. (his mom even agreed w/me)
Best of luck to you & your health!