When will I stop crying......

I am beginning to think that I am going crazy. I spent most of yesterday crying.

On Monday, I went back to work for a half day. My plan was to work half days for this week and next and move my way up from there. (I am an office manager-no lifting, but that darn office chair seems like a killer right now.) Anyway, Monday I worked half a day, Yesterday by 10 AM I was exhausted, at 10:30 I came home. By 11, I started crying. And that was how my day continued. I cried at everything, commercials, TV programs, the book I am reading, my life….. you get the idea.

I am worried about my marriage. I am upset that I will never have any more children. (I have a 15 DD and my DH has a 15 DS & an 18DD) But I wanted more, and choosing to not have anymore, and never being able to are completely different things. My DH is too concerned with drinking and softball to realize that I could really use someone right now. I also have 2 dogs, a 11 week old yellow lab and a 15 month old chocolate lab. And I am the one who gets up with the puppy at 5am-because I am off work……

I am so tired, lonely, sad…… Will this go away? I know right now is not the time to analyze my marriage—but for some reason, I cant seem to stop. And I am not seeing a good future outcome. I worry about my DD-nothing in particular –just the fact that she is 15. My parents house burned down at the end of April. There was a benefit for them last Saturday night, my DH was not there—he “had” to play softball.

I am sorry, I my mental health does not seem to be any better today. Well, I am not going into work today, I think I will try to get some sleep (which is now impossible at night) …. I guess I needed to try to get some of this off my chest.

Sorry you're feeling so low. It seems you've had a rather rough time lately in your personal life.

I have had good days and bad days. My bad days manifest themselves more in the form of being nasty to everyone rather than crying, but it still makes me unhappy to be that way. Just remember that your hormones are off kilter right now and it will blow everything out of proportion for you. Whether you had your ovaries removed or not, you can still experience a temporary shutdown after surgery -- sort of like when you delivered your DD and went through the post-partum funk. It too will pass.

Make sure you are letting your needs be known right now to your family and friends. If you do need help (or just for DH to get out of his chair and put down the remote) you need to make that point perfectly clear. When people see you going back to work, they'll think everything's business as usual even though you still need time to heal both physically and emotionally.

Take the time to do at least one thing just for you every day. It could be pampering yourself with skin care and a pedicure (I did that one last night) or a walk in a beautiful setting, buying a comfy new outfit, treat yourself to a funny movie, go for lunch w/a good friend, etc. And know you can always come here to vent -- that's what we're here for and we're all going through it. Hang in there -- you've got friends who are rallying behind you.

Hi,
I had my TAH on May 28th, so pretty close to yours. I've had my days too. One day, I couldn't reach my DH on the phone and so I was completely convinced he was out having an affair! Of course, this is preposterous, knowing my DH, he had been sooooo supportive, but my hormones or rather lack thereof had other ideas that day. Even before I had my operation I always worried about my 16 yr old daughter, I had days every months where I would be devastated emotionally, everything seemed a wreck and a failure to me, my marriage, my kids.. that I was the worst mother in the world, all that. And then, I would eventually come to my senses. It was, and is, the hormone disruption. Are you still on pain meds? As much as they help, they also tend to make things worse for me too, emotionally speaking. Try to taper those down if you can. Eat more fruit! Sounds goofy, but its good for the soul (our brain, our emotions). If you don't think this is going to pass soon, get on some antidepressants, or rather ask your doctor about them. Im not on any HRT yet, or antidepressants but if it gets out of control, my emotions, then I would not hesitate to do so. Right now I am in a watching and waiting mode. Mostly I just want to say you are not alone in experiencing all of this. Try not to evaluate your marriage so much right now but rather focus on forgiving others, forgiving yourself, and taking it EASY if you can. If they won't help with the puppy, then get rid of it! Sorry if that sounds harsh. But if you can handle it, then keep the puppy and try not to begrudge them for not helping because that only makes it worse on you, harboring those feelings around, even if they deserve it. LOL. Love them and yourself as best you can and know that most of this will pass, and if it doesn't then there are meds that can help it pass.
PJ

I still have 1 ovary. And I am no longer on any pain meds other than OTC IB.

I appreciate the replys. As far as getting rid of Luke (my Puppy) that is not an option. My 4 legged babies are the Only bablies I can still have. I take my responsibliity to them very seriously. I got him 2 weeks prior to needing surgery-he came to work with me. As did Bo (my 15month old) when he was a pup.

I do really like the idea of doing something for me--I think I should probably do it first think in the morning. As the day wares on, my emotions and body seems to give out. I think I will walk my boys down to the river tonight.--But I am taking a nap first!

Your puppy and my cat are soul mates. I haven't needed an alarm clock since he adopted me 12 years ago.

The whacked emotions evened out for me around week 5. I still have good days and bad, but more good than bad.

On days when I'm very tired, I know I'll get overwhelmed easily. I just will. I don't fight the naps when I can grab them.

You have had a lot going on. Its going to take time to find that calm again. You'll get there.

I, too, think you should treat yourself to something nice! I had my hair cut, colored, bought a new dress and painted my toenails (red!) for my 6 week anniversary. It was a great pick-me-up. In fact, as silly as it seems, I celebrate every week. Even if its just something small. It helps me get through.

Yes I did the same evaluating my marriage and still am, and thinking about my life wishing I could change things but don't know what. The hormones or lack thereof take control and we get emotionally drained. Sorry to here about your parents house. Just try to relax and when you feel bad take a deep breath and say to yourself Everything will be okay. I hope you get to feeling better soon..

Thank you for the replys. I have decided that maybe I was pushing it trying to go back to work so soon. My job is not physically demanding; but it is mentally challenging. And the good news is I do have the ability to return to leave. My boss is wonderfull. I think I will try again mid to late next week. At least when I am at home, I can rest when I need to. And after my breakdown on Tuesday; which rolled over to most of Wed. I think I need to listen to my body more. I know that my emotions will get better-but right now I seem to have no control over them.

Yes - listen to your body and give yourself time to heal!!
Big

I have had the same days, minus the tears...my hormones send me the *other* way...I get very aggressive.. The same thing happened after all 3 births..DH learned to stay within reach, but far away to dodge things being thrown at him. I am on welbutrin this time and also taking my hormones and those two things alone has made things more bearable while things settle down body wise..plus it is not helping that i am sooooooo sick of feeling icky...
For some reason I think we tend to look at our poor DH's under a microscope when things like this happen to us...maybe because we feel they should do more, and lets face it, they are the ones that are in our line of fire the most hormone wise..
here is to better days~!

lori aka jaboomer

I have a desk job too but I'm terrified of going back to work because of the "mental stress". I'm in surgical menopause and I'll probably be hot flashing all day! My husband has been very supportive - he has really helped me through - but there are days that looking at him makes me feel mad, some that make me feel sad and some that I wish I would never see him again. The problem isn't him - he's not doing anything different - it's me - getting used to what's happened to me with this illness over the last few years, recovering from surgery, worrying about the future, getting used to menopause and being bored out of my mind at home! Give yourself a break. Do something nice for yourself or for your four legged babies. It will make you feel better. Just remember, it's ok to feel bad, lonely, sad, right now. Your body has been through alot. Give yourself time!