Childless and I hate this.

All I want to do is cry and say why me. Every were I look I see a pregnate lady and all I ever wanted was to have a child and now I can not have one. I will never be called a mom and have a child that needs me. I some times just want to lay down and sleep and never wake up. Everyone I know have children and they do not understand what I am going through not even my husband. My husband has a 27 year old son and I have none. What did I do to deserve this hysterectomy. I do not know if I will ever get over this not being able to have child.
Ever scence I was little I played with my dolls and imagen what it would be like to hold and have my very own little bundle of joy.
Is there anyone here that has gone through my pain to help me with this? I would like to talk and need a shoulder to cry on.

Hope2977

Hi,
I feel your pain. I am 47 and never had any kids. I was raped when I was 16 got pregnant and had an abortion due to the fact that I did not want to remember the rape all my years. I never got pregnant again. I think of now that maybe I should have kept the baby. I too wanted kids so bad. My folks tell me they will pay for a adoption of an infant. I feel now I am too old. It really sunk in about not having kids after the hyster. It seemed like all I saw was pregnant woman. And than when I went into the Dr's office for my post op the room was full of woman that were having babies. It is not to hard now. I will always think of the could of should of thing but, it just never happend. My bf of 13 years has a son of 24 but lives in another state and does not keep in contact with us. So, my friend I know how you feel and it is normal to feel this way. You can adopt if that is an option to you. There will always be that void in me and I need to focus on positive things. I will tell you it is better now than right after my TAH after that my goosh I was a wreck. Time heals. I promise it will get better. We just need to learn to deal with this fact. I sure wish you happy days ahead. I am here if you would like to chat.

Ah Hope,
It's so very early in your healing...........yes, I can understand from my own experience how it feels to be without children .........such a loss, it does seem as if you are subjected to children / people expecting children, etc everywhere during those first few months.....I too required an emergency hyst resulting in me being childless and not by my own choice,,,,I can't tell you a magic potion or a special set of things you can do to make the pain go away, but I can however tell you that it gets easier, little by little , slowly but surely. It is so tempting just to go inside yourself and not express these things but I found that when I could express myself when I was hurting & when something really stung that happened that day, it got easier to deal with. Just a slow process, but it is doable. Please feel free to PM me if you want. Hugs of understanding............

A little late reading your post but if it helps I too have been struggling with no children. When Dr "highly" sugested I go hyst route I was devasated. I have not been on ANY birth control since 27 yrs old & now 43. I've suffered with endo & found out about 8 yrs ago DH had low spern count. "We" decided not to go infertility route (harder for me as time kept passing along with no kids but very active sex life - sorry if TMI) Then dear friend goes infertility route & has baby 3 yrs ago. DH I discussed "issue" again but still decided (I reluctantly) no infertility. Finally I came to my own conclusion that I am a lifesaver as an auntie. I've been more help to friends really needing help/support or whatever with their brand new babies (when Mom's haven't had sleep for several weeks and are at wits end - I take over the care of the baby fo r24 hrs of longer) friends with kids are dealing with an emergency & the other needs to be picked up from school or needs that extra attention due to a brand new sibling or even with my God Children. The first one is now 25 & about 18 yrs of age he called me to just vent about his Mom. Another called me after she ran away. Whatever they all know I am a safe, loving, Auntie that they can rely on for help, info, extra encouragement etc. The world can not function without us - we are a blessing in disguis :smile5:

Hi Hope,

I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I had my hyst the same day as you and also never had my own kids. It's definitley a hard one. This is also ironically sad...I work for a non-profit program for teen moms, so I'm around babies and pregnant woman constantly. Sometimes I do feel the "why me's"...why are all these young moms who are so ill-equipped able to have kids and I never will.

Anyway, all I can suggest is to let yourself grieve this. I don't think there's any short route but to feel your way through it. And as with anything that needs to be grieved, it will get better as time goes on.

Many hugs to you on your journey...

- Lisa

Hi Hope,

I can totally relate to what you are going through. I too had a hsyterectomy before having children. DH and I had done 5 IVF cycles without success and we decided to call it quits. I couldn't cope with the disappointment after the IVF anymore. I am getting better day by day and with God's help too. Look to Him for help and direction. That is certainly what has helped me as well as having some counselling too. It helps to vent to someone who is not emotionally involved sometimes.

Yep, it stinks. I made the choice not to have kids because my mom had told me how much work my bro's and I were and how expensive we were and how she and dad could never do anything because of us kids blah blah blah. I allowed her influence and my own fears (what if I had the kid from hell?) to reign supreme. Now looking back I can say it was a mistake not to have kids and I shed a whole lotta bitter tears after my TAH. There's a lot of "if only's."

I can totally relate. I know the heartache. I know the depression. I know the sence of loss and unfairness. I know that feeling when you see a pregnant woman. I know the guilt you feel for not being happy about a friend's pregnancy because you want so badly for it to be your own. Been there, went through it all.

I'm here to tell you, there is life after the loss. Get some good counseling, some good meds , and some good friends to lean on. Look into adoption if you still want children. I can testify that it is wonderful. You will love your adopted baby as much as one you may have given birth to and you will experience everything except the pregnancy. And you will not go through the rest of your life childless.

Please feel free to pm me if you want. I am here for you. My hyst is Tuesday. I'll be in the "after" club then. Keep in touch and know that I am praying for you.

Just a little note to say thank you for all of your guidness in this matter. I have just found someone to talk to and I am hoping this will help. I am tring to let all of my feeling out and to keep my sprits high.
You all are in my prayers.

Hope

I'm glad you've seeked help with the pain. I don't know if the pain ever goes away, you just learn to cope with it. We adopted 5 1/2 years ago after years of infertility treatments. Adoption is a wonderful way to have children. Our daughter is indeed a gift from God and we are waiting for one more to complete the family. If we had our own children, we never would have been given our daughter. Even after the adoption I deeply hoped to have one of my own; to experience morning sickness and all that comes with being pregnant. For me it's more like high and low tide. Most days it doesn't cross my mind. Then someone gets pregnant or you hear about a horrible experience on the news and wonder why they deserved to get pregnant and "not me". Now that I have had a TAH, I know God is saving us for one more child that probably hasn't even been conceived yet. If you want to talk about adoption please drop me a line. I'd be glad to expand.