Honestly - I am terrified!!

I am 34 yrs old. I have 14 yr old daughter, and 20 month old son. In 5 days, I will have everything that makes me a woman ripped out of my body due to cancer. My husband does not know why I am having this surgery, he only knows that I 'need' a hyster. How can I go forward with this knowing this may not be the end of my fight? I guess what I am asking - how do I prepare my daughter (who happens to be my BFF) with what my happen afterwards? There is no guarantee of success, and I am 10 yrs older than my mother when she had the same sugery. I am not trying to scare others, but I need a woman's voice. Please help!

Amy in Houston

Hi Amy and

We're happy you joined the Hystersisters community! There is a ton of solid information on the site, and you will discover that the members have unlimited cyber-hugs to dispense to you at all stages of your journey to good health!

What makes you a woman is your DNA, and none of that will be tampered with, so you can relax. To your husband and all those in your orbit, you will be the same "woman" after your surgery as you are now.

I didn't have my hyst due to cancer; but four years afterwards I was diagnosed with a different type of cancer so I can relate to your fears of the unknown. If you are like me, your journey will take its own course and you will sense when the time is right to discuss your health prognosis with your daughter and others around you. Your oncologist will also be able to provide you with help and resources in this regard. Helping their patients with all issues related to cancer is part of their job.

I am sending positive thoughts your way for a successful surgery and uneventful recovery!

Many s and Best Wishes,

Awww I am sorry about all the sadness and worry. One thing that helped me was before my surgery I had a little conversation with my womb. I thanked her for her service - after all she helped bring my 3 children into the world - and said goodbye. It might sound silly but it really brought me peace. Be strong, your kids need you now more than ever, and try and let your family see your vulnerable side. You might find that they are the rock you need to get you through this. I am sure your husband will step up to the plate, guys are that way usually. Great in crises! Good luck with everything, you are in my prayers.

Amy,

You are having surgery in 4 days and your husband doesn't know why? Are you just going to let the doctor drop the bomb on him? My husband would be hurt and (I think) a little resentful. Why haven't you shared the reason with him?

Amy,

Why are you going through this on your own? Can't you talk to your husband and explain the real reason for your surgery. I dont think you will be able to keep it a secret afterwards and when he finds out won't he be hurt and angry. Wouldn't you want to know if something like this was happening to him. I am sure you have your reasons but if you are just trying to protect him then perhaps you should reconsider. Also, how can you tell your daughter and not tell him. Are you expecting her to keep the secret as well? That is too much to ask of a 14 year old. You need all the support you can get right now and this surgery is about you not anyone else. You have to be your top priority right now not your husband or your children. My advice would be to recognise that you cant control what happens with this surgery but you can control your reaction to it and how you deal with it. You will still be as much of a woman afterwards as you are now. It is not some internal organs that make you who you are. I had a TAH in Sepember last year and I had all those feelings too but my fears were unfounded. I do not have a great big swelly belly and I still have my orgasm. Apart from a very thin bikini scar you wouldnt know I had the surgery. I am not saying its a breeze it isnt. This is tough surgery and there can be complications and ongoing side effects but honestly there is life after. You need to be positive and gather your family around you for support. Lots of sisters have this surgery for cancer and often do not need any additional treatment afterwards, the surgery is enough. I dont know anything about your particular circumstances so forgive me if I am speaking out of turn but if you are in a loving relationship please do tell him. Maybe he will surprise you.

I am from just north of Houston. If you need to talk let me know and I will send you my phone number. I don't know what I can do to help but just listen to you and your fears. Sometimes that can help.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. My thoughts are with you.
Maybe, a little, you feel that by not telling your dh and daughter you are protecting them from the fear that you are experiencing. Honestly, though, they need to know. Especially your DH at this point. Sit him down and have a heart to heart. There's nothing wrong with giving yourself time to come to grips with everything before you share the info, but he definitely needs to know so both of you can approach this as a team.

my thoughts are with you.
lis

Your message brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry about your situation. Please talk to your loved ones. You need them to focus on you and to help you through this.
Best Wishes.

amy
im soooo sorry to hear your story.. but put yourself in your husbands shoes and think about how he would feel when the doctor comes out of surgery and tell him you had cancer and now your husband is crying with your daughter thinking he has to break the news to you. just gather your family some time soon and tell them.. you will feel soooo much better. you need to go to surgery with that off your mind.with loveing thoughts and hugs to you as tears roll down my face...
pat3733.....

Amy: I also had my hysterectomy due to cancer. It is a scary time and you need the support. Please as the others have said sit down with your family and tell them. I even had to explain to my 2 and 4 year old what was happening (in very simple terms obviously). If you have to go through further treatment they are going to need to know what is happening to you. Please let them into your life, you will be surprised at how much support and love they will give you.

Also, the women here are wonderful, come back and vent as often as you need to. I can guarantee there is someone here 24/7. Lots of

Dawn