just plain sad and alone

Well I guess 12:40 am is as good a time as any to leave this post.
I had a pretty good day physically but I guess at some point, I slid into a black hole mentally as the day went on. I came here for comfort along the way but could not seem to reach out. Some sisters seem to chat to each other all day and I just can't seem to get into the loop.
I chastise myself for not being supportive enough, not sure what to say at times...
I live with my DH and a very dear friend who boards with us for 4 years. Most of that time this friend has struggled with his alcoholism. At one point he was responsible for a fire in our newly renovated kitchen. I have made a bad mistake along the way and made my DH and DF (dear friend) my life. Always being there for whatever they needed. Not that it is a bad thing to do especially with DH but it was to the exclusion of experiencing things myself.
I am glad to report that DF is now over one year sober and doing so great. I wish I could say the same for me. He has put off a new relationship to support me through this. I am so happy he is supporting me but even though we are not lovers or spouses he picked the wrong time to find a new person. I am struggling to stay supportive pf all his new endeavours but will miss his constant friendship. I want to find something new to throw myself into but at this point sit and recover is all I can do.
DF and I are at opposites ends of things now. I am thankful to have him whole but at this point it only makes me feel more lost and unwhole.
I just need your prayers and good thoughts that I can find my "thing" so that I can be strong and supportive but not hang my whole life on my DH and DF's comings and goings.
Thanks
Donna

Donna you sound so sad and I am so sorry you are feeling that way. You don't say how old you are or if you feeling this way bec of the hysterectomy. I think you should talk to your dr and let him/her know how you are feeling. Some of this could also be your hormones. I wish you the best and a great recovery. Please post as often as you need to. We are all here to listen. You will find this site to be a great support if you let it. Take care and good luck with everything.

Hi Donna! I'm sorry you are feeling down. Could it be that you are just stuck in a funk? Being in "recovery mode" and relying on DF and DH for the past 3 weeks has to make an impact on the feelings you are having. I had my surgery 2 days before you and I still feel like I am not up to myself. Once you are feeling better and back into a life routine, I'm sure things will appear better. Hang in there!
And by the way... don't be sad cuz you are NOT alone... we are all here for you!!!!

	Quote:
Originally Posted by bucko64 Well I guess 12:40 am is as good a time as any to leave this post. I had a pretty good day physically but I guess at some point, I slid into a black hole mentally as the day went on. I came here for comfort along the way but could not seem to reach out. Some sisters seem to chat to each other all day and I just can't seem to get into the loop. I chastise myself for not being supportive enough, not sure what to say at times... I live with my DH and a very dear friend who boards with us for 4 years. Most of that time this friend has struggled with his alcoholism. At one point he was responsible for a fire in our newly renovated kitchen. I have made a bad mistake along the way and made my DH and DF (dear friend) my life. Always being there for whatever they needed. Not that it is a bad thing to do especially with DH but it was to the exclusion of experiencing things myself. I am glad to report that DF is now over one year sober and doing so great. I wish I could say the same for me. He has put off a new relationship to support me through this. I am so happy he is supporting me but even though we are not lovers or spouses he picked the wrong time to find a new person. I am struggling to stay supportive pf all his new endeavours but will miss his constant friendship. I want to find something new to throw myself into but at this point sit and recover is all I can do. DF and I are at opposites ends of things now. I am thankful to have him whole but at this point it only makes me feel more lost and unwhole. I just need your prayers and good thoughts that I can find my "thing" so that I can be strong and supportive but not hang my whole life on my DH and DF's comings and goings. Thanks Donna

hi, had my sub total abdo just over 5 weeks ago, some days i feel almost normal, and some days i wonder if i will ever feel normal again, it is hard to devote time and love to yourself when you are used to GIVING yourself and attention outwards to others, this is good for you that you now have only you to worry about, this is an opportunity to grow out of the (sorry) co dependance ( think a.a.) that you have most likely had, it is hard, but you are fortunate to now start your own life and focus on you, where is dh in this ? other friends or family ?? you are not alone, i apoligize if i am being too blunt.

Hi there Donna, I am so sorry that you are feeling so down right now. Post op recovery mood swings are partly responsible I am sure, but it also sounds like you are a "carer" and feeling a bit lost right now. I moved from one side of the Country to the other, leaving behind my 22yo son and my 17yo son got his drivers licence earlier in the year. My DH has a new, high stressed job and only talks of work then goes to sleep early. And I live a fair way from civilisation. I felt alone, lonely and really depressed for awhile, until I decided that I did not want to feel this way any more. I love animals, so attended a wildlife carers course. This gave me a network of like minded ppl that I rarely see, but phone or email when I want to. I also care for orphaned and injured wildlife now - mainly kangaroo/wallaroo joeys. I love doing this and feel that I am volunteering my time to the conservation of the environment and these wonderful animals. One of the things that I really enjoy about them is that they are TOTALLY DEPENDENT on me. Regular bottles, toiletting, diet management and introducing them to the real world. This is what suits me.

Can I suggest that you do some internet searching for an interest that may suit you WHEN YOU ARE FULLY RECOVERED. This could give you something to keep you busy and get you excited until the doctors clearance. You might also want to try some study. Either by correspondence or going to school or a community centre. Or even do some volunteer work. There are many organisations/centres that could use someone as young as you and trust me, you will get more back than you put in.

These are just a couple of ideas that I hope can help, or at least give you a bit of light in that tunnel.

Hang in there and know that on this site, you are NEVER ALONE. XXX

Dear Bucko,

first of all a giant . I know it is very difficult (too well!) but right now you really do need to just sit and recover. But it is also a great time to think too -- sometimes even when one doesnt want to!!

please put yourself first!! (sounds like you are very good at taking care of your friend first -- this time YOU first!) and think about things that might interest you to explore.

lala

Dear Donna,

So sorry you are feeling down.

Would you be interested in learning a new hobby? There are some pretty cool ones out there.

After my TAH, DH introduced me to jewelry making. I've made hundreds of pairs of cool earrings, and have branched out to bracelets and necklaces. The coolest thing about this hobby is that there is NO wrong way of doing things. So long as it looks good to you, it's right. And it's pretty much an instant gratification hobby (if you're not doing seed beads), so you can wear what you make almost instantly!

I've also recently gotten into crocheting. After I completed afghans for both DH & I, I moved on to mini afghans for our furbabies. They love sleeping with them or sunning themselves with them. I've moved on to making afghans for Victory Junction Gang. It's a good feeling knowing that disabled children will be looking at the afghans I've made and remembering their week long trip to the Victory Junction Gang Camp. (DH & I are huge Nascar fans!)

That brings me to the next suggestion. DH & I are into Nascar. I love sitting down and watching the races. And there are always programs on everyday on Speed / ESPN about the upcoming races and ongoing news.

If you aren't interested in a new hobby or watching sports of some type you might find doing puzzles (either picture or mind like sudoko or crosswords), reading books or watching movies.

Let us know how you are doing.

Love, Ginger

Dear Donna,

Im so sorry you are feeling so down and alone. Im also sorry that you feel left out we are all sisters here and are all here for each other. I was actually going to respond to some of your posts yesterday but I was pretty emotionally empty myself yesterday.

Please take care of yourself. The emotional pain from this whole thing is soooo very hard and it is easy to feel down and alone. Please know that we are all here for you and please post and vent anytime! HUGE HUGS and hope for a better day.

One day at a time thats all we can do!!

Hi!
I understand the putting others first and then discovering that you haven't really found something for you. In my case I revolved around my DD and DH. Well, my DD is off to grad school and has little time for me, which is as it should be, but still quite painful. It is hard to be part of her life when I don't even understand what the heck she is talking about half the time.
My DH doesn't really understand though he is really trying, but he has his own problems and I feel bad because I really don't have the energy to help him deal with things.
This surgery seems to have brought out all sorts of feelings for me and I don't know why that is. Maybe the timing.
I hope, for you, as you feel better that you are able to get out and try some new things. You will feel better.
I seem to be trapped in depression at the moment and am under a doctor's care. It is hard to move forward when getting out of bed is a major accomplishment. I have a few other medical issues going on and am hoping if I can resolve them a bit that maybe things will get to a point that I can force myself out of the house.
Sorry to ramble on. Hopefully things will improve soon!

Lizzy

Hi Donna, A lot of us ladies have wrapped our lives around other people and not that we're flat on our back we tend so forget who we are or for lack of better words, our purpose. The only thing I can say is to stay strong, you will be well again soon and being well, you will be able to take on new things to find who you really are and what you want to do, other then waiting on DH and DF. Maybe the fact your DF has started a new relationship means this is a turning point in yours. He will need less of you, which while it is sad is a wonderful opportunity for yourself. Huge Huge hugs!!!