Birthday Sadness

Hi everyone. Well today is my 32nd birthday and all I want to do is cry. At this age my mother had her first baby. Last month my sister had her first child. The month before my sister-in-law had her first son. All I notice are beautiful pregnant bellies. I had my hysterectomy 2 1/2 yrs ago for cancer. I'm physically fine, the cancer is gone, so it makes me feel guilty for feeling sad about not being able to ever have a baby. It's just the same feelings over and over again. I'm afraid to talk about it with my boyfriend because I'm always talking about it. I feel like I'm going through every day half asleep and not caring about things -- and I'm already on anti-depressants! I can barely pay my bills, how can I save money for adoption? And the thought of going through life without a child to take care of and raise and love is just devastating. I'm afraid of all the days just passing by and waking up at 42 wondering what happened and why I didn't do more to have a baby some way. I just don't feel worthy of anything, I feel like I did this to myself. Sorry this is just rambling thoughts. Birthday's suck.

I am sorry you are having a hard time. You have a right to grieve, and it is not your fault that you had to have this surgery. You did what you had to do to be healthy and live.

When you get married one day, you and your dh will know when the time is right to adopt, and you both can look into local support groups, where women are in situations that cannot keep their babies, and getting a beautiful baby this way is not expensive. I believe the cost to one couple was under $500, so there are possiblities. and all adoptions are not in the thousands of dollars. There are so many parents needed to love babies that others don't want or can keep.

You are a worthy loving person and have special gifts. I am praying you will be able to get past this sad time, become strong, and look to the future for hope and joy.

Wishing you a Happy Birthday with new hope and renewal of life.

s