Depression and babies?

Hi everyone!

I am having problems with depression since my surgery. I have one boy who is 13. I had problems with irregular periods, infertility, and I ended up having precancerous polyps in my uterus. Some people say that if it was meant to happen for me to have another baby then I would have in the 7 years we were trying before my surgery. BUT I never had any infetility treatment of any kind. No pills, no invitro...not anything!!! My doctor was pretty confident that I would concieve with some help. He had checked everything out during a surgery I had. That was the next step... that was before I found out I had the precancerous tissue in my uterus after the polyps were removed. That changed everything.

Some people tell me I need to just deal with the fact that I have one child and to forget about how I feel because there is nothing I can do about it. I should be happy that I have the one child. The problem is that everyone around me is having babies. I should be happy for them but it upsets me. I just want to get the farthest away from them as I can...and I hate feeling that way! I feel like a total failure and that I know I will never be able to have another child. I really feel like I have let my husband down by not having a bigger family. Even though he has said he is happy. I had always wanted a bigger family. I come from a very small family and I was the only child.

I have talked to my husband about it. I really don't think he understands me like I want him too. He is supportive of me but this also doesn't bother my husband as bad as it does me. He has said that it is better this way than for me to be sick. I have had several problems since my surgery and wonder if it was really worth it. I knew I would have some problems dealing with the fact that I could never have another baby but I never imagined it would be this bad. It is just SO HARD for me. I want so much to be able to have my own. My husband has mentioned that maybe we could adopt a child if that would make things better for me. I don't know if we can afford to adopt or even have a surrogate. That is so expensive.

Has anyone else had these feelings and wanted more children and couldn't because of having this surgery? I would really love to talk to anyone on this. This is really bringing me down....I just don't know how to get rid of these feelings. I just don't know what to do or say about this! Thanks for listening to me, I know this got kind of long here!!!

I am sorry you are having a heavy heart. Unfortunately, this is a common thing from this surgery. Grieving and working through this takes time.

Maybe it would help to keep a journal which would allow you to write down what you are feeling. Counseling has helped many get through the process as well, so it is something to keep in mind.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers for a healing heart and strength to move forward and past this difficult time. Please keep the communication open between dh and others who love you, even if they don't completely understand.

You are not alone, and so glad you could come here and talk about how you are feeling.



s

Dear Bunnierabit,

I understand exactly how you feel. Our best friends just had a baby a few months ago. I recall being so angry at her. This is her 4th. Dont get me wrong, I am really happy for her. I am also jealous. We had been trying for years.. same as you.. then cancer. I dont know that anyone who doesnt want a child understands the nearly obsessive nature of that desire. I cry daily since I found out this will be my last peirod and there is no longer the comfort of " oh well maybe next month"

The words " Well it just wasnt meant to be" are enough to throw me into angry screaming fits. I dont know why people think that is comforting. I do know this though... It will not always be like this. You wont always have this screaming desire. One day you will realize its been a month since you thought about it. I deal with this by crying when I need to. yelling when I need to and being totally selfish about expressing what I feel when I feel it. Its getting better for me. This has also done wonders for those around me.. those who might not have realized how important all this was to me. Thats been very handy. The friend with the 4 kids has stopped giving me the daily baby update. She realized she was hurting me.

Dont get me wrong, I am not saying the world around us should stop because we want a baby and cant have one. I am saying that in this world, we have to take what we need. I dont know that you will ever be able to get your loved ones to understand. Thats ok. They dont have to understand to be supportive. They dont have to feel what you are feeling to help you with those feelings.

I find it helps alot to find that there are women here who absolutely understand. So, cry when you need to, yell when you need to.. and by all means talk about it. and know that I understand

Hi!

Thanks everyone for the support and it sure helps knowing that other people are going through this too. I knew that I really wasn't alone but then again sometimes it just feels that way. I take it day by day. Somedays are better than others.

I really hate it that I am so jealous of other people who are having babies. I really should be happy for them. It just is so hard knowing that I will never be able to have a baby of my own. Some people have told me that I should be blessed to have the one I have. I am, don't get me wrong, but I feel so incomplete inside. I hope these feelings will pass. Sometimes when I get those feelings when I see a baby...it almost feels like its the end of the road. I feel like I don't have a purpose anymore. I just feel so empty inside.

I think I may start a journal like you all mentioned. Maybe that will help!

Thanks for understanding and listening to me!!

I am so sorry for people. they can be so rude. My husband and I are 42 and we are having a surrogate have our baby. The responses of my so called friends kill me. They say we are too old, I am not being fair because I am trying to replace my two boys who are now Marines. All kinds of things. But I know that I have a hystrectomy at age 23. They all have kids that are 8 and 9 well, that choice was taken from me and My husband and I have been working on this for almost 7 yrs now. We know what we want and these ppl do not. I feel strong in our desire to share a child together. We are the ones who have to live with it, and pay the bills, not them.

Also there are some surrogates that are not very expensive.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Isn't it nice to find a place that gets it.