Suddenly I see....... "Ending treatment issues"

If I have never "gotten" it before I do know. This is not the first time I have come face to face with mortality of people in general. This isn't even the first time I have been faced with it personally. But something last night finally clinched it for me. Last night, talking with some girls that I love and respect very much in my fav chat room I realized that my cousin was at the crossroads, and decision time. I know that only god knows our true time to pass, I feel it with each flare of of my own condition, but I am starting to see those little things that tell us here that a person may not ever recover, and that they have realized it themselves. There is some thing in their eyes that says they are ready to rest, something that is a little bit like a peace coming over them that says ok , I have fought my hardest and now I give it into the fathers hands. I have seen that look before, on my grandfathers face as he passed from pancreatic cancer. I didnt ever put two and two together until a friend in my chat room was restaged as a four, with little hope that a chemo would be found that would work on her. Shes ready to give up, but many of the girls she talks with are not ready for her to give in. I know that "C" has had a long hard fight, and I think she just simply wants peace and rest. I can see it in her words, I can almost hear the strain in her voice as she struggles to make people understand. I have no right to ask her to keep going, just as I have no right to ask my cousin not to give in. They know when its time, and as much as I would like to take up the fight for them, I cant. That is a hard lesson to learn. I wont take a step back, I will be right there with them as they move forward, whether that is with tx, or with hospice. Isn't that all we can do? Be there when they need us? I am going to be faced with that decision soon myself. I wont pass of cancer, but of a condition called Osteomyelitis. It is as stubborn as cancer and as hard to treat in my area. I have it in my head. Two and a half years of fighting has me thinking that I've spent enough money on it, and I cant afford anymore. Its a hard decesion with four children that are still babies, and that need me, and one that I will not take lightly when the time comes. I just never expected it to be so real. As I watch this amazing women, I know that when the time does come, I will be ready thanks to their wonderful spirits and their determination to do whats right for them. Jenn

We each go through this at our own pace, Jenn. You are astute to observe it in others. Your health issues no doubt help you to be more sensitive than an otherwise healthy individual would. Yes, we can continue to be there, encouraging, loving and accepting. That is what I would hope to receive. My one dear friend always comes up with another reason for my test results but I tell her sweetly and gently that is not what is happening. She is struggling too. And as you deal with your and other's health issues, you will also observe close friends and family go through the process of acceptance at their own pace as well. Love to you for being so supportive of your cousin. I pray our Lord gives you both peace.

s Jenn,

I'm touched by your post but words are pretty much failing me now. It's a blessing, I think..this ability of yours to see the situation so clearly. Your cousin and your friend are lucky to have you.

I hope they can find something for your osteomylitis..and that it's a long time before you have to ask yourself, "how much more.........?"
Hope to you and yours,
k9

Thank you for your post. I do think one knows when one has had enough, and one wants to walk the path as best she can with the dignity that is left her. It is courageous, finding peace in the relinquishing, and it is wonderful to be present among those who, in absence of fear, walk their walk into the unknown. We might be full of sorrow and pain and fear, but they walk on, having passed that point where we are. I wish things were different for your family members, but they most assuredly are very fortunate to have you touching their lives just now. Best wishes to you in your own efforts against illness.

Jean, very eloquent and true and believe me, you will know. For me, it came at a "moment" when everything came together and I knew what I was doing, going on, was doing or harm than goodf for me. I knew it was OK to let go and at that moment I had a very peaceful feeling. Some friends, in their own way, will mention continuing on. They mean well; they don't want to lose you. But when they see how you've made the decision and why, I'm sure, like my friends, they will be sad and not want to see it, but accepting it is my choice. Loving hugs and prayers.

2 weekends ago I have seen your words in a friend of ours who is fighting lung cancer. It is at the point where it has travelled throughout his body, but has not yet reached his brain. We all went to a concert that we all go to each year. We all knew that this would l be his last concert. When he was leaving he looking around and I knew he was taking it all in. You know that look when you see it. He knows he will not be seeing next years concert. This was the first time when we all said our goodnights that none of us said please be strong and do all you can. We know he is tired and is at the point of " I can't do this anymore". I myself am in my own battle and now am understanding how tired and weak you begin to feel. How you start off doing everything you can to fight, fight, fight. But I am also realizing that there may come a time when one is tired of fighting, not that they want to give up, but they feel they are more at peace now without the fighting. I pray for my friend that he has many peaceful moments, and I respect his decision. He is now in the hospital. I pray for all who are in their own battle and may they find many peaceful painless moments. Be well to all.

Thank all of you for your kind words and understanding, they are welcomed and enjoyed. SOmetimes I think that the way I see things are a curse. I would love to be one of the ones that are blissfully ignorant of these types of things. Alas that was not meant to be. So, I do as much as I can to comfort and care for my friends and family, and life goes on. Would that I could save time in a bottle, as the song goes. I would give everyone of us eternity. That I guess is what God does. Gives us a bright and pain free eternity. Thank goodness for that. Blessings to all of you ladies! Jenn