Really struggling...

Hi gang,

I need to vent a bit...I'm about 2 1/2 months post and I don't seem to be coping that well. I had a TAH (kept ovaries) on June 7th. I've been back to work for about 3 1/2 weeks now. I was actually feeling great a few weeks back. But now that the stress of my ***** stressful job is starting to build again, I feel like I'm losing it!! I had a meltdown with my supervisor today about it (she's also my best friend of 12+ years, so that helps). We run a busy non-profit program that keeps us all wearing many hats and in over our heads at the best of times. It was way too much before the surgery and after the break of recovery, my whole being seems incapable of returning to the way things were.

My supervisor/friend has known I have been in huge need of some help for months, but nothing has really changed. As I pointed out today, it's been like someone who is drowning trying to help another drowning victim. I tend to be a pretty capable person, so I think my collegues don't always believe it when I say I really, really need help, because I do always seem to figure something out. But it's been at the expense of my sanity and my health and I'm not willing to do it anymore!

I can almost picture how the stress of all this manifested itself into the enormous mass of fibroids that I just had removed. Now that the internal "dumping ground" is gone, it has nowhere to go but outside of me. This is a good thing, I know. But I also feel like a bit of a nutcase because all of this is coming to the surface.

I feel like I'm sitting in a big pile of overwhelm...HELP!!!


Thank you for listening friends...

- Lisa

Lisa,

I am not back to work yet but I can relate to what you are saying...I am a social worker and run a parent mentoring program as well as doing prenatal and pediatric medical social work for a non profit VNA. I only work 4 days a week but I also have two young children and two grown step children and a very needy DH. On top of this, probably because of the personality that made me become an sw, I am the one everyone calls when they need to talk...my mom, sister, stepdaughter, friends, etc. Therefore, it is givie give give give...

Some days I really just want to run away! On the outside I am like you and everyone sees me as the one who will have or come up with the answers...more pressure!

One of the parent aides went to a workshop on burnout and the woman presenter literally said that as caregivers we should surround ourselves in our private lives with strong non-needy people! Isn't that nearly impossible to do?

So, the only real help I can offer is to let you know you are in no way alone...I completely look forward to and dread going back to work all at the same time if that makes sense!

Also, to avoid having your stress manifest in some other illness it might be helpful to find a counselor to talk to. Does your org have an employee assistance program? They can be wonderful. Bottom line...your job is not worth your wellbeing!

I have an ideal, fairly low stress job and I'd rather stay home permanently if that helps at all.

My DH just started a new job after 12 years of running his behinder into the ground in an impossible job situation that never had any hope of improving - even though he toughed it out thinking things would improve. I watched him turn from a happy go-lucky person into a miserable non-communicative butt-hole that developed IBS, heart pains, and high blood pressure.

Well........now with a new job that pays slightly less, he is a new man. We're both around 40 and I can tell that age is a major difference. As we get older, we just don't want to put up with the dumb stuff and work ourselves to the bone anymore.

You might be in need of a new direction in life. I don't think it is a bad reflection on you - just maybe now is a time in your life where your priorities are undergoing a shift.

Hi (((Lisa)))
My situation is different than yours, but I can totally relate to what you are saying. I want to encourage you, I hope, by saying that 2 1/2 months may seem like a long time since your surgery, but it really isn't. It can take six months to a year to fully recover.

My recommendation is to talk regularly and opening with your supervisor and let her know what you need. Right now that sounds like 'help'. I had to reconize that I couldn't deal with the same stress level I had previously been able to cope with. Your body is still healing, even though your incisions may be all closed. It's a process that takes place over time for our hormones to balance out and our bodies to not require just a little more TLC than they used to.

Be kind to yourself, recognize your limitations and try to adjust what you can so you can back away from some of the stress. You job sounds like one any of us might be struggling to cope with. In time this all got better for me. I think it will for you too.
's, Rita

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your kind words, sisters! It helps so much to be heard on all this. In a weird way, I know the stuff that's coming up is good. My ability to put up with way too much for too long in the past certainly hasn't been a healthy part of me. Now my body won't let me go back to those unhealthy ways. Unfortunatley, I'm not too sure how to do it differently. (Even good changes are messy!).

Preciouspearl - thank you also for the reminder that 2 1/2 months isn't very long. As I read your words it hit me that "yes - it's only been 2 1/2 months!" My job is one that would be challenging on the best of days. Let alone after surgery and all the difficulties that lead up to that. Why, oh why am I so hard on myself?!

I don't know what I'd do without all you wonderful friends out there...

Lisa, You are definitely not alone. This is my 2nd week back to work and I also feel like I am drowning. There was so much that wasn't taken care of while I was gone that every day I leave feeling as if I have accomplished nothing and am soooo far behind. Hopefully you can get someone on board to help you. I can't hire anyone else so I'm stuck. I'm hoping that business will slow down as school starts back so maybe I'll have some breathing room.. until the holiday stuff picks up.. hahah .Good luck to you and huge hugs!

Hi there - I've had a good night sleep (well, at least I've had sleep!) and I'm feeling a little better today. Man oh man, yesterday was a rough day! I don't think I'm even aware of how tired I still am. I feel better than pre-op in some ways, but that doesn't mean I'm better, or past all this. And as I increase my life activity overall (i.e. get back to work and exercise), it'll be up and down. I really am my own worst enemy. Time to change that!!

One benefit of this crazy job is that I can work from home. I'm just doing the bare minimum today, and I'm off tomorrow to visit with some family that's in town. I'll just have to deal with the "guilt" of feeling like I'm not producing and just take the time to get my barings.

The crazy thing is this was supposed to be the "dream" job. I left the corporate world to use my skills giving back, but it seems to all be at the expense of my health and sanity. I know my attitude about this either has to change, or I have to move on. It feels like the surgery won't let this fact be an option anymore, but something that I must deal with.

It helps so much to get this all out. Thanks again for all your wise input...

- Lisa