to any sisters that are childless

Hi ushmush. I am also 36 and had my TAH on 7/6/07. I am married to a wonderful man who supports me in everyway. I had to have a hysterectomy because I had endometrial cancer. I had a baby 8/18/01, but he was born still at 24 weeks. I got pregnant again and delivered a baby girl 20 weeks again born still. My dh and I have been trying for 4 years to become pregnant again as it has always been my desire to have children. While going through fertility is when I found out that I had cancer and needed a hysterectomy. My life has never been the same. Just knowing I will never have the experience of carrying another baby drives me crazy. I feel so lost and desperate. My arms ache for a baby. And I still struggle with the feelings that I am not a woman anymore if I can't do the one thing a woman can do! I just am taking it one day at a time and trying to think of my options as far as adoption. Have you thought about adoption at all? I know it can be expensive and I by no means have that kind of money but there are ways to adopt without being so expensive. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Just know you are not alone and it will be okay. Try and take one day at a time, cry if you need to and get angry if you feel angry. All these emotions are normal. I know at times it feels like you are on a emotional roller- coaster and you probably want to get off, but you need to ride it out to get to the healing. Stay strong!!!

Jenn
Xoxo

Nurse 99, yes, it sure does feel like a roller coaster. i am so sorry to hear of your still births. my husband has suggested adoption someday, but i fear the cost will be too great for us. i do have two nieces and a nephew who i love like my own, so i am working hard to accept they will be closest i will get to my own children. it seems very unfair to me that good women like us are denied the chance to have a child when there are lots of "not so fit" mothers out there have no problem conceiving and carrying. i don't mean to insult anyone that may be reading this, but i'm sure you know what i mean. you hear so many terrible stories of all types of child abuse. those people have no trouble bringing children into the world while a lot of us great sisters can't. i am relying on my faith to get me through this. i keep telling myself that there has to be some sort of other plan for me.

i will keep you in my prayers and all the other sisters dealing with this issue. this site has been very supportive to me and i greatly appreciate all the kind words and encouragement.

hi again ladies. i just posted a reply but then i read more so i want to post anohter one.

to AshleyLuz, i am the same way as you. rationally, i knew the TAH was the best decision for me healthwise, but emotionally is a whole different story. i just keep hoping that once i see i'm not in the tremendous pain anymore from my severe endo, i will see that it was worth it and i won't feel so bad about not ever having a child. it is quite an emotional toll right now. i thought that maybe someday i can volunteer to work with children, maybe like big brothers/big sisters or something of that nature. did you ever think of something like that for yourself.

to Dinordh, yes, that was totally insensitive to have a baby shower right before your surgery. some people just do not have any tact!!!. i don't blame you for leaving work early. i would have done the same thing.

the only thing all of us can do is keep the faith and take one day at a time.
my Prayers to all of you. Thanks Ladies.

Mary Grace

Ushmush- I feel the same way you do about all the children that dont have loving parents. I am almost 31 and do not have any children. I had my TAH/BSO on July 31 and have come to except the fact that I will never have children. My husband has been wonderful. But I still feel like there is something missing in my life and I will never be able to have it. You want it so much but will never get it. I have stuggled with this and I have to take one at a time. I feel that eberyone looks at me like there is something wrong with me because I do not have children. And of course, everywhere I turn someone is having a baby. I do have allot of kids around me that I think has helped me through the greiving process, but I think that I will still feel like something is missing for the rest of my life. I will just have to deal with it. And thank God we have the Sisters here to help us through!!!!

I am in the process of having my surgery scheduled, I am 33 and have no children. My husband is very suportive. I mostly think this is great and I will have a life that I enjoy again but I am alittle worried that after all is done I might freak out. I have andeo, pcos, endo plus male issues with infertility and it is doubtful that that would work. I want to be able to go out of the house and enjoy life every day.

Dinordh
No you are not being overly sensitive. The girls who planned the baby shower seem insensitive and ignorant. Try not to take it personally, just know that some humans dont always use their brains.

Liatrus

HI Paige,

My surgery was scheduled a lot quicker than we originally thought because of the amout of pain i was in. i saw the dr. on 8/8 and the surgery was only 6 days later. i was prepared physically for it, but mentally, i didn't have much time. about a week after the surg is when i started to get really down about not being able to have a child. but, i just keep thinking that once all this recovering is done and i start feeling better, i will have a much better quality of life and start enjoying things again -- even without children.

umush
glad you are feeling better..
i do think it does get better as far as emotionally (or i seem to be feeling that this past few days)
i also found once i was not sleeping all the time (right after surgery) that was when my emotional stuff started coming up

you know i have found i cannot control my feelings and yes i guess i am sensitive ... even with knowing i did make this choice and it was it was one i feel was right for me

i think we all have to ride out the emotional stuff and also rely on others here, and the ones around you that you can be honest with, i know i also went to a therapist who was helpful

this has been something i never thought i would be so emotional over ... it can be so hard
i really hope that we all progress and it gets easier to deal with but also it is OK to feel sad, anger or upset

come here and post but also take care of yourselves

Diana,
I can't believe they had the shower the day before your surgery. It amazes me how people just don't get it!

Jenn,
I also found out I had borderline tumors when I started going to a fertility doctor. I had one ovary removed and then tried more fertility but eventually had to stop because cancerous cells grew on the remaining ovary. I had my TAH almost 7 weeks ago. It is funny how everyones response to my condition is "Well, you can always adopt!" like going to the grocery store! I just look at them and smile. We don't have the money to adopt. I would be interested in hearing of lower cost choices you hinted to.