to any sisters that are childless

Ushmush - thanks so much for this string! It came at the perfect time!!

I'm so sorry to hear all the hurting hearts about this issue. But also grateful to hear of others who understand this tough part of the journey. I had surgery on June 7th. I'm 39, single and don't have kids either. I have also been feeling quite a bit of regret about the poor choices I've made in men. And sad that I retreated from my life (especially the dating side of it) over the past few years with all the problems leading up to surgery

I went through alot of grieving about this about 3 years ago. I realized then that even if I was with good guy, my symptoms were too severe to even consider being off the pill long enough to get pregnant.

It hit me again really hard today. I went to a new church (haven't been going the last few months), and there were all these beautiful kids in front of me...including this very cute little red haired boy (I have red hair). My heart just broke. I'm really feeling tender about this. Seems I realized too late that I really did want to be a mom.

I'm sending many hugs to all the other hurting hearts on this one...thanks for listening...

- Lisa

just the other day i had a weepy moment. it hits me the most at night when everything is quiet and i'm trying to get to sleep. i start thinking about never being able to have my own child and i get sad. it's only been 20 days post op for me, but i feel like i have an additional recovery to get thru, thru, the recovery of never being able to be a mom.

my husband is very supportive and is ok w/us not having children and i greatly appreciate that, but still it is hard on me. i keep saying to myself everything will be worth it when i start feeling better and am able to enjoy my life again. the pain of my endo. was getting out of control . it's a tough choice to make and a crappy trade off, but no matter what, your own health has to come first. i completely realize that, but it doesn't make it easier. i'm sure you all know how i feel.

don't beat yourselves up regretting your past choices in men and you should have done this or that. that won't help your recovery. if we knew how our lives would turn out, i'm sure a lot of us would have done things differently.

well, i hope we all are making progress getting thru this. bad days are bound to happen, but hopefully soon, we will all have more good ones.

Hi I am new to HysterSisters .I had a total hysterectomy May 11 2005 due to ovarian cancer and believe it or not even though I was scared and angry that I had cancer, I felt like my heart was ripped out when I woke up from anestesia and the doctor said "We had to remove everything!" I kept thinking why is this happening to me? The only thing that I have dreamed of was to one day become a mommy. Believe me it hurts! You start seeing more and more mommies with there babies in the malls, at church. It seems like EVERYONE you know is getting pregnant. It still hurts big time even today and my heart aches for a child but I just keep the hope in my heart that God is planning something really special for me and my husband and He knows the desires of my heart and He knows the desires of YOUR heart as well! Psalms 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Just keep your chin up and know that there are people who feel the same way you do. Talk to you later.
C.C.

Ushmush I am thinking of you!

Diana

Rhonda (Haefner888) thanks so much for your reply! I know I can't control what other people think or do...but the baby shower the day before my surgery was thoughtless! I need to forget about it, but it is really a hard thing to do.

Diana

	Quote:
Originally Posted by dinordh Ushmush I am thinking of you! Diana

and also of all the sisters that are in our same boat. It's a hard thing to accept and you wonder why it was cast upon you, but you do have to trust that there is a higher plan for you somewhere, someday. I am working on practicing what I preach. some days are easier that others.

I did a search specifically looking for this subject and low and behold I found it!!! Thank you so much for starting it!

I am 39 divorced, no kids and just about as heart broken as I can get. I thought I had worked through this years ago when I dealt with the infertility issues, and then the infertility mixed with divorce issues. But there is something so different about not getting pregnant cause it hasn't worked out yet, than knowing there will never be that oops pregnancy, I'll never be able to plan fertility treatments, or anything, and it makes me wonder what I will feel comfortable telling future men about the situation.

But I can give this little gem to everyone, I got one worse than planning a baby shower, I had a co-worker who missed a couple of days work, when she came back I asked her how she was and she just blurted out that she "Had an abortion." I just wanted to die or kill her, or both, I was one week from surgery and let everyone know I was having it a month in advance. It hurt so bad. Not saying this to pass judgement on anyone who has had an abortion in the past, it is entirely passing judgement on the timing!

Thanks for starting such a wonderfully timed post.

Becky

OMG, Becky! I can't believe how self-absorbed some people are!
I am just trying hard to think positive intent... ex..that co-worker was probably having a hard time with her decision, if not outwardly, inwardly and she felt comfortable enough with you to share her decision and possibly help herself deal with it better. There! I did it! Positive intent! Whether it is true or not, it makes me feel a little better hoping for good in people instead of bad!
But, all in all, that SUCKS!
Rhonda

I am 23, and just had my TAH 2 weeks ago. I too have had a range of emotions that I had not dealt with before surgery. I went in thinking I would be ok emotionally, just ready to be whole physically. I hd dealt with SEVERE endo for way too long, being bent over in pain, sick, faint, almost passing out while doing clients at work (i do hair). I was SO miserable in pain and so I think I by-passed the emotions a little just to not be sick, but now that I am 2 weeks post op, I also am feeling sad emotions. It feels good to feel good, but at the same time, it is hard to deal with the finality of it. My advice to you is what I have been telling myself. BE REAL. Let yourself deal with your feelings and don't shove them back. It is ok to grieve, and to be quite honest, I think it is normal.

jbn07 --

i couldn't agree with you more. i am 36 and childless. had my TAH on 8/14.

i was also very sick w/severe endo and my dr did try a few other things before doing the surgery, but nothing was working. he asked me if i was planning on having a baby and i said well, at this stage of the game i'm too sick to take care of it if i did have one, and how responsible would that be.

i knew i needed the surgery to feel better and was also ok going in. the reality of no baby didn't hit me till i was home from the hospital.

had quite a few crying jags those first several days. Thank God my husband and my other family members were supportive of my decision.

just keep thinking that we will have many many pain free days ahead.that's what keeps me going. looking forward to enjoying my life again for the first time in several years.

Salsagal : my job is quoting benefits to people on their health insurance policies. Believe it or not, some policies do cover elective abortions. once i get back to work, i'll be dreading the day i have to quote that benefit.