Panicking about my kids

Hi all,

my surgery is in two weeks, and im really starting to panick about how i'm going to deal with my kids.

My almost 4 year old has totally refused to do anything for himself lately, and asks me for help every five minutes. I try and encourage him, but then i get this HUGE tantrum, usually resulting in me being jumped on or the like. He wants something to eat every 30 minutes, and again, won't take no for an answer.

I have tried explaining to him what is happening, i have even burst into tears on a number of occasions, as i am allready in considerable pain and finding being his slave rather difficult. How am i going to cope after surgery???

My daughter is 6, and is somewhat more understanding, but is a very physically affectionate child, and tends to lean on me, or sit on me, at every opportunity, without even realising she's doing it.

And the two of them are fighting SO BAD at the moment. I know they are picking up on my anxiety and stress and pain.

I tried to have a 30 minute nap this morning, my daughter is home sick from school, and i didn't even get 5 minutes to myself before they were whinging about being hit, and wanting food and attention. I'm not going to be able to get out of bed after the op every five minutes, im REALLY stressed about this.

I'll have some help for the first week or so, but not in the evening, my DH doesnt get home till 7.30 from work, and from 4ish is "hell 3 hours" at our house! And i can't even shove them in the bath for an hour like i usually do!

My plan so far is to go crazy with the DVD rentals, and forget about nutrition for a few weeks and let them have free access to a HUGE crate of snack food! Any other tips would be VERY appreciated

sim

I think you are right about the stess plaing a part in this. I have similar concerns at my house. I pray that after surgery the kids behave and somehow realize that "mommy is still mommy even when she doesn't act like it"

Aww got to love kids .. my daugter was in between your two she is clingy and a great kid but also she is a only child so wants my help with every thing. , buying caspri sun things so you can have a few sitting the bottom of the fridge so they can get there own drinks is a good idea, and also i bought those fruit juice snaks and kept a few on the table every morning , and quaker bars come in chocolate chip and p nut butter those were great snaks to leave out for her to just grab .. dont worry so much aobut the nutrition a few weeks of them eating a lil unhealthy wont be bad .. but my lil girl is so picky and she loves those quaker bars ... dvds and lots of craft things to keep them busy .. and have yoru kids be the helper after surgery talk to them about how there gonna have to do the caring for you for a bit and help you get drinks and clean up and that you care for them soo much but you need to ask for there help for a lil bit .. i bet they will feel very helpfull .. good luck and big big hugs to you
hugs
lisa

I bet your kids are picking up on your uneasiness about your upcoming surgery & they are stressing, too. I confess--- I told my kids the night before & didn't tell anyone else to guarantee that my kids wouldn't find out early. I didn't want to give my kids time to get anxious, etc.

I don't want to sound like pollyanna, but I bet things will work out fine. It will be quite apparent to your children that you are NOT well. When you first come home you will be bent over & walking VERY slowly! It's the only time my kids have seen me in bed in the daylight hours! Kids can & do rise to the occasion!

My youngest (a girl) one took to reading Dr. Seuss books to me which was VERY comforting & required NOTHING in return from me! My son seemed to figure things out for himself.

I think your kids probably need REASSURANCE FROM YOU---- "I'll be fine in no time...", "Families look out for each other...", "I know I can count on you to..."

Good luck...

I agree your kids are picking up on your uneasiness. There are several books you can get about hospitals and such that you can read with them. I know that as you read postings on this site, you will calm down more. Everyone here is sooo supportive and have great ideas and advice.

I have 2 kids also (13 yo girl, 10 yo boy) and we haven't told them yet either. This is the first time either of us has been in the hospital overnight. Last year, my DH had a hernia repaired (outpatient) and my daughter was so anxious for a couple of weeks about it. We couldn't figure out why until she told me she was sad that Dad had to get his penis cut off! No wonder she was so anxious. We explained the operation and she was fine. I don't want to explain this though because I don't want her to fret that something is wrong with her if she has a heavy period or is cramping. She hasn't started yet, but is VERY excited about it (give her time, give her time).

Keep snacks, games, books, and activities in easy reach for them. When my kids were younger they loved to help out because it made them feel like big kids. They will rise to the occassion. Maybe you have some friends who can take them out for a little while to give you some rest during the day.

Lots of s.

Becky

One thing that I've always done with my kids, if I'm not feeling well, is to play a game "with them" that requires very, very little effort - we either pull out the Doctor's Kit (and they give me a check-up), and we play "Beauty Salon" (where they do my hair and make-up, generally with the plastic stuff but sometimes I'll let them put my lipgloss on or use detangling spray, things like that). It helps them, to have that interacting time with me, while not requiring me to move or do much. It also makes me feel less guilty if I'm doing things like that combined with "movie days".

My son (only child, kinda needy) is 3.5 now but last year after my last lap he was really great. He is facinated by "ouchies" and loved helping me clean and bandage my incisions (Love the Doctor's Kit idea!). I'm so lucky that my MIL is taking him "on vacation" for a whole week afterward this time. After that, I plan to be really open with him about my incision because that seems to help him make sense of things. He and I also like to play easy board and card games so I pulled out the hide-a-bed and tested out the new Serta foam cushion I bought and he and I "practiced" playing our games "nice" when Mommy comes home. I think it's best to prepare your kids the best you can and be as honest as possible without scaring them. This is very different for each child though. We have also been making DVD lists of movies we want to watch together. It is really hard though to keep your emotions in check during this anxious time. All we can do is try our best, apologize when we flip out, and reassure them with lots of hugs and kisses Oh yeah, and I also second the thought on snacks and being lenient regarding junk food for a few weeks. It won't kill them, besides that's why it's called "comfort food" and it's not like it's long term. Anyone who wants to criticize can come over and cook for us and our families for 2 weeks!

I agree completely! If ya wanna criticize the cleanliness of my house, what my kids are eating etc you are welcome to come do it for us lol

I love the play ideas... I will have to use them!

I had a 2,4, and 6 yr olds when I had my surgery. I made them a camp in my room. Literally. We put up a kids pup tent -- that was the nappy corner. We had a stool in another corner for time out. we had an ice chest and bag of goodies next to the bed (I was pretty much the center of the room. The master closet became the quiet reading corner. I got lots of dvds for the kids and brought in all their video game stuff plus i had my lap top. We had a box of toys and that was it. Everyone got locked in with me in the morning. If everyone was fighting one went to the tent, one to the closet and one to the stool corner. (I had art supplies for coloring in it). That is how we spent weeks and I happy to say we all survived.

hi simfish i have a 4 yr old girl and a 10 yr old boy i go for my op on 30th oct and im going to be in hosp for 5 days plus over the last week ive been gettin my children to help me round the house with cleaning and making cakes so when i come home they can pretend to clen for me and make cakes with there dad. ive told them they will have to teach there dad to do these jobs and they cant wait to show him what to do and i told them im going to sit and watch them to see if they are doing a good job they are really excited about it so hopefully i will get to rest as well as watch my family have lots of fun. i havent told my kids yet that im going into hosp going to wait till couple days before i go in good luck and dont worry everything will be fine big hugs to you...