Second Thoughts, Third Thoughts

Hi Ladies,

Did anybody here have second thoughts before their surgeries? I've read the posts, and I don't seem to have symptoms as bad as some of the other ladies here. My doctors said I could wait awhile and take meds if I wanted. However, a doctor I respect told me it would be best to take it out and so did my mom, but my mom isn't one to ever consider how I feel about things.

One doctor told me I had to be "ready." Does anybody ever say "Yippie, skippy, on with the show and cut me open?"

I haven't really had bad symptoms since this past spring. Now they think I mayor may not have hyperplasia (a possible atypia diagnosis), endrometriosis, and five fibroids, one the about 5 cm (size of 3 month pregnancy I was told). I was told that, at my age, I only have a 5% chance of preganancy anyway. I really wanted to have kids too, so I feel really bad about it.

However, that all being said, I have to be honest with the ladies here. You know how you feel when you just know that something seems wrong? I have had problems eating, no appetite, as well as going to the bathroom. It feels like there just isn't enough room in there, like my abdomin is distended and uncomfortable. That has increased in the month I've been waiting for this surgery. I am afraid that if I don't do something, it will get worse. Also, I don't want to take the risk of getting cancer, though I'm not sure if the risk is real. However, I think the fibroids alone are enough to make me miserable. Pain and heavy bleeding, periods last around 10 days, with the first three or four making me feel miserable, nauseated, and headaches. It just seems like it is no way to live.

If I don't have surgery, then I have to go on meds, and be continual biopsied and monitored very closely. It just seems like it would be this huge thing hanging over my life, depressing me. I can't have myomectomy because of the possible hyperplasia either.

So, now I turn this over and over in mind as the time gets closer, asking myself if things are really that bad, etc. All of this situation makes me feel very different from my friends, who have never been in my situation. It's so hard to find people that understand. If I didn't have you girls, I swear I'd feel like a freak right now!

I'm getting scared about the whole thing. I work in the medical profession, so the mind is running in circles right now, imagining the worst. I talked with a counselor about it all, and she says I am going through a grieving process and these feelings are to be expected.

Please pray for me, my surgery is on December 11th.

Thanks a bunch!

jgtalk,

Hi there. We sound pretty similar although I didn't have any displasia. Instead, I had one big, canteloupe sized fibroid and over two years of iron-deficient anemia. Like you, I have never had children and always wanted them. I have to be honest. I'm not sure you've grieved yet.

So, if you don't mind, I'll share a little of my story and then offer a bit of advice. I first found out I had a fibroid over nine years ago and at the time, it was the size of a walnut. It was asymptomatic for about another three years then started to grow - I was so proud. It's final size was 12 cm. At that point, it became symptomatic - constipation and difficulty going to the bathroom. Waking up two to three times a night to pee. Consistent lower back ache. My belly physically distended and I'm a small-framed person so you could tell.

It wasn't until I got scared that "something was wrong" that I actually decided to do something about it and wasn't really driven by the symptoms, believe it or not. I elected for a Uterine Fibroid Embolization (UFE) a year prior to my hyster as an alternative to major surgery. It didn't work but I didn't care. I went into ignore mode for another year. Finally, this past August, I had had it. I spent the entire night awake because I was ovulating and it hurt. I refused the lortab but scheduled the hysterectomy and I was truly, "Yippy Skippy - get this baby out of here!" I was tired of heavy periods, tired of anemia, tired of all of the symptoms by this point.

My personal doc - who's my business partner - was worried that I was making the wrong decision as the symptoms didn't seem to outweigh what I'd lose. He happened to be the assistant surgeon in my hyster and now likes to tell me how difficult it was getting my uterus out as it was so large and needed to come out so badly.

The point of all of this? I was ready for it when I chose. I had already grieved. I knew the whole fertility gig was up for me. Now, it was a choice between discomfort and a new life.

Now for my advice. Yes, you have dysplasia and, left to its own devices, it can develop into cancer. Your doc has already told you that. But, he's also willing to screen you regularly. That would give you a little time. Have you talked to him about having children? Does he think you could carry a successful pregnancy? (Women with fibroids are at risk for preterm labor as the uterus can accommodate only so much.) Would you consider getting a second opinion and talking about your options with another doc. It seems to me that you're a little unclear as to what's driving this hyster. Is it the dysplasia? Or the fibroid? Maybe you could discuss this with another doc.

In the end, this is your body and you need to decide what it is you want. I'd never advise anyone to risk their long-term health so please don't think I'm doing that. Instead, I think you need more information and to search your heart. My best to you and I will pray for you. This is a hard thing to decide.

Now, I'll tell you my resolution: I'm three months post-op, I feel fine (although still terribly anemic) and I'm very happy I made this choice. Good luck with your choice.

jgtalk, your hesitation is completely understandable. Only you can decide if you've had enough of the symptoms in your life. My major symptoms also started this Spring, so I haven't been dealing with this for years and years, like some of the gals on this site. My periods were long and very painful. The rest of the time, I had a constant shooting pain running down my leg from my abdomen to my knee. No meds helped. This pain wore on me day in and day out. My emotions were shot.

My symptoms did get worse. Before my surgery, I had had three periods in six weeks. Even though I "only had a fibroid" I knew it was time to take care of this once and for all. My doctor originally thought she was going to have to do a TAH due to the size of the fibroid and enlargement of my uterus, however, she promised she would first try TLH. My surgery was last Thursday and my doctor took the extra time (2.5 hours) to do it TLH.

My life has been changed forever. The leg pain is gone and I know once the usual surgery pain is over, everything will be fine. AND, the pain now is not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Use the morphine pump in the hospital as long as you need to and use whatever they give you to take home (I got Vicodin). I'm sleeping a lot but I can feel myself recovering.

I wish you the best in your decision making process. Here's to health and happiness :-)

I was one of the yippee, skippee ones. I had come to LOATHE my period, and just wanted it all to STOP. It was beginning to control my life and stressed me out tremendously.

I was also fairly terrified of hormones as a medical treatment for this, much more so than of surgery. Turns out I had adenomyosis and there isn't anything that would have helped short of surgery, so I would have wasted all that time and energy on things that ultimately would have failed.

Thanks Ladies!

I have gotten 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinions. I'm going to talk to an oncologist tomorrow.

My stomach does not feel normal. I feel like I have a cantalope stuck in there. I am starting to feel uncomfortable now, even when I don't have a period,...... not good.

The docs told me that if I had no hyperplasia, no fibroids, etc, my chance of gettting pregnant is only 5% due to my age (44). That's what really sent me out the door crying.

So surgery is scheduled on Tuesday. I am not happy about it, but the logical, medical common sense part of me says it's time, even though my heart would want to never have to do it at all.

Tough one. I'll let you know what shakes down after my visit with the doc.

Thanks a bunch for writing back!

Any second/third thoughts I have had have been countered by the fact that I had to self-cath 3 times during this last period. I had my pre-op appt today, and my doc is fairly confident that this should help (but of course there are no guarantees, cya). She said that, in addition to the fibroids in my uterus, there is one to the back that is the size of another uterus, as well as one above my uterus that she can feel up towards my belly button.

I never longed for getting pregnant, I didn't even play with baby dolls after I was 3. I have a stepdaughter, and that's really been enough for me. Still it's weird to think that this op takes away that choice, so to speak. But I still choose to have it. Scared, but choosing it.

jgtalk

I hope that you find the answers you are looking for and do what is best for you. It is a very hard decision to make. I am really young and it was very hard for me to make the decision to actually say yes I am ready schedule my hyst. I did want to let you know I had fibroids, one big one which the doctor and I named Bubba. I had some small ones too and some endo. My back hurt all the time and my periods were scary. I had that fullness feeling in my stomach and started to have pain at different times through out the month not just at period time. I also had back pain. Sometimes I would just want to lay in bed all day. I let it go for many different reasons for over 2 years. I really was nervous of the hyst option too.

I am only 4 weeks post op but can already tell you. I feel a big difference. I feel lighter in my stomach, like that foreign "thing" is gone. I can sleep on my sides which I was not able to do in the months before my TAH. My back no longer hurts in that area it did before. I already feel such a difference. I too felt quilty because I was living with the discomfort and pain and would think maybe I should just deal with it. People have worst things to deal with and much larger fibroids. But, I really have to say it feels great to have my stomach back and nice to be free of that pain and "full'' feeling. I forgot what it felt like to not have fibroids. I wanted to share my experience with you. I hope that you make the best decision for you and I am sure you will no matter which path you choose. Take care and keep us posted.