My Story

I was dx with carcinoma in situ of cervix in 89, had conization and then cryosurgery in 91. During surger in 89 doctor also performed a D&C, not realizing I was pregnant at the time, he felt I would never be able to conceive. I lost the baby around the 26th week of pregnancy and went on to have my next child in 92 and my other son in 94. I kept up with appts and then was told I was in the clear and could come back 1-2 yrs for PAPS. Well life happens, both of my son's have different disabilities, special needs, and medical issues which I have had to tend to and deal with (they have so many different docs and specialists between the two of them, sometimes I feel like I need a personal assistant) During that time I somehow found the time to complete my college degree which I abandoned back in 89 due to illness. Also during this time I went through a horrific divorce. Leaving me a single mother of two special needs children and huge financial burdened in caring for their needs/medications. All awhile I worked full time, and part time, and attended nursing school, and took care of my boys. I neglected my follow ups. I graduated nursing school, (YAY!!) and recently when (might be TMI here ) when I had a few ocassions of very very faint spotting after sex and then strange calls on my cell phone (I posted about the cell phone deal on another post), I felt somebody, maybe God was telling me I needed to get checked out. So on 11/19 I went to my doctor. I don't have any symptoms of being ill or anything like that. I just explained to him why I was there. My exam went fine, ultra sound came back strange, but that is another story, later found out it was an inaccurate interpretation of a radiologist. Dr. said my pelvic went great saw no abnormalities and cervix looked and felt healthy upon inspection. Well, I get that dreaded phone call, 'You're PAP came back very abnormal, HGSIL". I saw the gyno a few days ago and I am scheduled for a colpscopy next week. Gyno said exam went well and everything looks good upon inspection, big concern regarding HGSIL result on pap. So, here I sit in a state of paranoia and scared as hell. Praying that the worst result of my biospsy is going to be HGSIL and not the dreaded "C" word. I am keeping positive thoughts, I have good moments and I have bad moments of despair and hopelessness thinking about, "What If". Gyno said either way the results of the biopsy I will need a hysterectomy due to hx of abnormal paps. Big deal, I am done with that stuff anyway. But the "C" word scares the hell out of me and I pray and pray I do not have to hear that come out of my gyno's mouth. So that is my story, I'm not ready to check out just yet, so whatever fate has in store for me it should know I will kick and scream and fight, I won't go down! I have so much more I need to accomplish in this life!