New and scared with questions

I am scheduled to have a total hysterectomy 3/14/2008. For some reason I think I'm going to die during the surgery. I can't stop myself from feeling so freaked out. I have horrible endometriosis and every month the is pain is worse. I fired a total of 5 doctors for telling me I needed this surgery. I've been told I needed a hyster. for about 10 years now. I just found an excellent doctor; my family doctor sat me down and talked to me like a friend and she told me to try her gyno... I "interviewed him" and I realized that I needed to have this surgery for many reasons. I have two adult children 26 and 21. So I know I will not be having any more children. BUT, my "insides" feel sacred to me, like all I have to make me different from a man is my female organs. Like, WOW to remove everything feels like I'm losing my female softness.
call me crazy, but I used to tell my family that I'd be that old woman walking into the ER with her uterus in a bucket BECAUSE I'd NEVER say yes to surgery. well, never say never! I give up. I can't "do this any more" I'm tired of missing out on my life because of the lead apron I feel like I am wearing. Or missing out on family fun because I can't get out of bed at least one weekend a month. I'm marrying my best friend this year, and I want to have FUN....... so I'll have this surgery..... and I hope to live life afterwards..... but WHAT IF I still feel crappy? what if I never return to the woman I was (the soulful fun woman) so long ago .. I can't remember her!
Oh, I need to get my hair colored...... do I do that before or after the surgery? I am beside myself lately and I just can't help it. I'm scared to death! no spell check..sorry!

I have a few weeks to get "nutty" but I am trying real hard to be upbeat..... who am I kidding... NO I'M NOT! I cry a lot and I totally fear the moment I wake up in the recovery room because I always get sick after surgery. I'm hoping there are some NEW drugs for that stuff! I will hear from my MD's office this week about the appointment to meet the Anes. person. I wiill stress all of my concerns at that time.
Oh I did ask my MD if I could keep my cervix..... I think I needed to have ONE thing MY WAY since keeping the ovaries was a total NO.
I have to get to bed...... the morning comes mighty fast. thank you again.

Ask your anesthesiologist if you are a candidate for using an epidural, since that makes the post surgery pain much more manageable. But also ask what other meds they will give you and how aware you would be of what was going on. My gyn wanted me to have an epidural, and recommended that I bring tapes to listen to during surgery (although I would have been on drugs to make me dozy); unfortunately the anesthesiologist thought I was too anemic for an epidural. But you might be a good candidate.
Deb

Oh, I need to get my hair colored...... do I do that before or after the surgery? I am beside myself lately and I just can't help it. I'm scared to death! no spell check..sorry![/quote]

I colored my hair yesterday LOL..

Its funny how we all think about the same things..I can't say how you'll feel because mines only scheduled for tomorrow..and I didn't have any problems of any significance until the doctors found them. I say you'll feel fabulous afterwards though because there are so many other ladies who do...

GodSpeed..

wow thank you... good luck tomorrow! please keep your fab. attitude!
and I'm also going to put on some water proof mascara..... pleeese, I need some lashes "at least" to look groovy in the recovery room!
LOL

Are you sure your allowed mascara? They told me no make up..how FRIGHTENING is that going to be LOL..for them anyway...dh is used to it !!!

I HAVE to believe we'll all feel better..and you've been experiencing one week-end a month you can't enjoy..you deserve better than that...and I'm positive you'll get it!!! Kudos for you & your new guy..

an epidural...funny you should write that. I actually thought about asking the Anes about that option. But I thought it was not an option..now that I know..... I will ask! thank you

girl friend as far as I'm concerned...... I'll push the issue. I also told the girls in my department at work and my family members that IF they decide to come and see me in the hospital.... (which I hope they all KNOW BETTER) they MUST have with them a TWEEZERMAN to pluck the unwanted whiskers on my chin..... SEE, I already struggle with "that" can you imagine after this surgery!!!! I wonder if the facial hair (chin hairs) will become worse?
GREAT... NO mascara.... BUT a beard! how lovely! ha ha ha...LOL

LOL..I think you have a great sense of humor..LOL..can you imagine how much fun a whole ward of hyster sisters would be in the same hospital..ROTFL...

Too funny...

Sorry about the mascara...

Sheesh, I've been tweezing chin hairs fo 18 mos already..LOL

well, thank you. But here is one question for you.... do you have a tweezerman tweezers? if not you must RUN out and purchase one.... you will be totally thrilled on how well they HOLD THAT chinny chin chin hair.
I gave them out as christmas gifts to my sisters and my cousins.... I could sell them door to door, I swear!
honey, I will be thinking about you tomorrow. as I said before you have a great attitude and THAT is more than 1/2 the battle.... listen, at least take a tube of mascara with you.... you never know !!!! :-)