Having a hard time with 40

HI ladys
Well i just had my hys...a week and 3 days ago...i dont know if its hormones or what..or just that i have time to think witch isnt the best for me at times...
im having a really hard time with 40.....im not sure how to handle it....first i have a disabled daughter who i had to place in resedental care 2 years ago .she is my angel and she is only a block from my house..but she iwas just to much i couldnt do it anymore .(i did start the first youth house for disable children in my area but it still doesnt take the pain away of not having my baby girl home..i see or talk to her every day thow..second my son is graduating....(and so is my step daughter....) my son is going to go to college he wants to be a nuro surgon... i was a single mom for 8 years
i have been married 8...but never had the time to go back to school or have retirement built up because i was taking care of my handicaped daughter and my son.by my self
im trying to take care of my 87 year old grandmother.who i think we will have to put in a nursing home witch will break my heart because i know she is best there. no one else in the family is very helpful ....my son actually moved in with her to help her...hes a senior and works...he has the right to have a wonderful senior year(last year of high school)
so as far as having a future...$$$$$$ i have none...i ended up gettting married in 2000 to a guy i was engaged to right out of high school ( so we were apart 12 years. and got back together..
he had a good job but we decided that the hours were to much and the job was to dangerous (because he had just got custudy of his daughter) so hear we are 8years later and i feel like we have just went backwords ..and im having a really hard time with it..his parents have helped us alot..and we are so blessed we dont have alot of debt. but i dont want to be 70 and working at walmart as a door greater....i want to go back to school......am i to old.. should i be happy with what god has given me...why am i feeling this way and is it all normal....or am i just greedy....
IM SORRY>>>> im just freaking out......its got to be hormones but i cant tell my husband all of this he will just so dont worry about it...
you worry to much...
thanks for listening

wow! here i was feeling sorry for myself almost 5 weeks post op-lavh until i read that story...i had soooo many surgeries over the years and turned 40 last august. ... used to tell everyone i know that i couldn't wait to turn 40 (must be better than 20's or 30's) i still want to believe that my 40's will be my best years however since i turned 40, i've had 3 surgeries, leading up to my lavh. i suddenly felt old, ha! i have a 13 yr old boy and 6 yr old triplets!!!! no wonder, right? i have never gone to a chat room or forum so bare (bear) not sure...with me....my dr put me on premarin 3 weeks post op...asked how my "hot flashes" were, i think they were really no worse than before ( i was considered pre-menopausal) since the meds, i have had hot flashes like i am literally on fire!!! i also felt mean, almost like i wanted to be mean and that is not good when you have 4 kids and mom and hubby helping. Yuck! i conveniently forgot to take my pill saturday and had a great day with the kids and decided to forget sunday too! i haven't taken yet and haven't had one hot flash or mean moment (mind ya...mean was easy pre-op)..i feel great mentally, however physically i am still struggling. i thought i'd feel better than i do by now especially with no huge abdominal incision ( dr said it was very difficult to get thru repaired abdominal tissue from earlier tummy tuck) i guess i have more muscular healing than i thought. anyone?

you did great responding....thank you ...so much boy you have your hands full too......i am usally a really strong headed woman and i dont want to be on any meds again fro depression i had to be on them for awile when i placed my daughter i hated it ..but im not getting the really mean part..but i have been there in the past and thats not me eaither...im a very loving person.....i just want to cry but i will give it time,, im sure some of it is my body and surgery.....i had a breast reduction and didnt have it thow....
you are so lucky got a tummy tuck....i wanted on but not in the cards right know....i lost 30 pounds felt really great and put it back on ..but i will get back to it.....that may be my prob when i worked out (at Curves) i loved it .
i loved the woman you just felt special..and it was woman time it really wasnt about the work out...there was just no compition...im like 40 pounds over weight...but maybe i need to look at it and say 40 i will look my best......
another thing that is really bothering me is my husband was like 170 pounds and he is like 300 know scence he quit smoking....
im so scared of loosing him we just lost my 45 year old sister in law unexpected on 7 7 07 theh luckest day of the year...i got the call as i was getting my hair done for my best friends wedding....( what a soap opra of a year....and my son got burnt really bad and was in the burn unit in sep so maybe its just been the year like i said....i just want to live again i want to feel young i hope all this other crap with me is taken care of so i can.....
i guess not having a period would make anyone smile.....lololololo jump up and down .i will say one thing atleast it wasnt a cancer...it was andreonimisis) heavy bleeding ..and they took a cyst off one overy so if that all comes out good i will be kicking my hills...well i guess not yet but i will.......thank you for listening and i hope to hear from you again...you hand in there also......
have a great day..

Hi Ladies, I saw this topic and "viewed" in. You two ladies are going through an awful lot, from the sounds of it. I am no longer forty. But I am here to say, you are both courageous and strong women and will make it through. I've learned through my own adversities in my 40's that I need to take time each day to see the real blessings revealed to me each day. I believe all of us, especially us women, run, run, run so much all day every day, for other people that we must stop for ourselves, if only briefly. We must calm our minds and bodies to bring ourselves back in focus and "to thine own self be true". I hope something I said here makes some sense and helps you to see a better day tomorrow. I don't know you, but I do love you and keep you in my prayers.

Well here goes, I don't know if either one of you will reply back but I think I need to join your 40 group. I am 44 and thought that I would love being 40. Here goes. lost mom in 2001, dad in 2002 (360day later than mom). Moved to new town, went back to school, got new job, sneezed and slipped disc in neck Dec 2003 had major surgery for that because couldn't move right arm, then lost sister in 2004 (she was only 49) I couldn't even go to the funeral because I wasn't cleared from the neck surgery. Which brings me here. I am doing great I am on 6 days post op from total lap. hyster. No ovaries, tubes, or uterus either. It took me 2 years to find a doctor who didn't think I was crazy with menopause symptoms. Now I have a huge hemotoma that looks like a great big whale the color of a blueberry on my right side. So now I have a Whale of a Tale to tell. I could really use some people to converse with. I love my 40's much more than my 30's except I have been shrinking for the past 2 years. something about ostero. brought on by hormone imbalance. But hey now they are no longer out of balance since I don't have anything to make hormones anymore. The great news is I have lost 27 pounds in the last 6 months. Not sure why but I look better than I did in my 30's. I am really blessed to be married to my best friend of 25 years, and both my children have made it home to be with me after my surgery. which is good because yesterday I was confined to complete bed rest for 24 hours. something about the hemotoma draining onto the cervix area triggoring bleeding. I will get my pathology reports back on Monday of next week. Maybe for now I can lay out in the sun since I have to lay around anyway.
I hope you all respond and you don't think that I am weird. Today is the first day I have joined anything on line. I usually don't have time to even check emails but something tells me this web site is a good one.

Hi Callie! Welcome to this website (and the 50-something voyeur!).
I can relate in someway to all of your stories of being 40. Sometimes I get mad that we weren't born with a guide book on what to expect as women! hehehe...hang-in there ladies. Just stay focused on today and take it all one day at a time. I know it is a difficult thing to do, but once you get the knack of it, the troubles seem a bit lighter.

Okay, I'll try to keep myself out of this thread and go to the thread I should go to!

Callie,
You are not weird! Life can have it's ups and downs. Hormone imbalance brings us a whole new set of problems. But they can be corrected. It sounds like you have a great outlook on things, that in itself can help immensley. As Robin B said "it is one day at a time". That is how I carry on, taking each day as it comes.

I hope you are exploring all this site has to offer. We have a forum for just about everything and many sisters to offer their advice and support.