Peace in the Storm

My name is Peaceful Storm* and I am 44 years old. I started getting pap smears when I was about 19. Every pap has come back normal for 25 years. I do not have children, partially by choice, partially by fate. Because I am 44, I am starting to have some unusual period related issues: more frequent, longer lasting, a little more painful. My doctor and I knew I had a fibroid, but we didn't do anything about it until last December.

About 3 or 4 days before my Uterine Fibroid Embolization (UFE), I went for my annual pap and exam. My doctor did the pap smear and added the HPV/DNA test for the first time. Later that week I had surgery. About 2 weeks later, I got a call from my doctor (general practitioner who did the pap) to come in so we could discuss the results. She said my pap was fine, but the HPV test came back positive for high risk. I freaked out. I was so upset I made another appointment a week later to re-discuss the results. I didn't understand.

She said we could wait 3 months and retest. Since I was so upset she said I could go ahead and go to a gynecologist and have the colposcopy and biopsy. I set that up. I was told she might do an endocervical curettage (ECC) also. So I read about the colposcope, biopsy, and ECC. I was well prepared.

The gynecologist said the colposcopy looked great so she didn't need to take a biopsy. Just for reassurance she did the ECC. It hurt, but the pain was over in about 2 minutes. The results from that came back and I was told I had "atypical glandular epithelial lesions". I later found out the pathology report also said adenocarcinoma in situ.

I was scheduled for a cold knife cone biopsy. I had that April 4th. When we scheduled the CKC, I scheduled a follow up appointment for 2 weeks post cone. I went to a day surgery center for the CKC. They knocked me out. I was home later that day and was back at work 3 days later. I felt fine except for a little bit of cramping and vaginal discharge.

I only waited a week to call for my pathology report. The doctor called me back and said it was endocervical adenocarcinoma Ia1. She had already sent all of the slides, reports, etc to a gynecological oncologist. She was going to have all slides and images reread by a gynecological pathologist.

At 2 weeks post-cone, I was sitting in the gyn/onc's office discussing surgery options. Up until that day I had been a nervous wreck. I had been dealing with this for 3.5 months without telling anyone (except husband and very best friend).

My oncologist relieved many of my fears. I was afraid the new pathology report would find something new (and worse). It didn't. I was afraid of the treatment. Treatment was *only* the hysterectomy (uterus and cervix). She was going to leave the ovaries, tubes, and all lymph nodes. I would not need radiation or chemotherapy. That was a relief. My next worry was about surgery type. She said she was going to do it via LAVH (laparoscopic assited vaginal hysterectomy). This was exactly what I was hoping for. This means no large abdominal incision and recovery.

We have set up surgery for early June. I have asked for a 1 week extension to the surgery date though (moving it 1 week further away) so I can be finished with school (I'm a teacher) and have a week to get my home life in order before surgery. I'm awaiting a call from the doctor's nurse for confirmation of date change.

In the mean time, sine April 11th, I've been telling more people. This was a stressful decision. Normally I tell people what I am going through. This topic seemed so uncertain and private I couldn't do it. Well. When I started telling, I received some amazing support. Telling people is helping me deal with this diagnosis.

I am anxious, but I try not to dwell on it. One of my friends responded with her typical "army boot kick in the back side with a loving hug attached" approach. She asked me why I was afraid. She reminded me who was in charge of all of this and all of the details. She reminded me I am in God's hands and that I am blessed. I was only upset with her for about 30 seconds. Then I knew she was right. Right then and there I started releasing all of my worries about the details of the diagnosis, surgery, and life afterward. We had this conversation the day before my appointment with the oncologist. What she said was exactly what I needed to be told.

I don't know what is ahead of me, but I know who is on my side. I know I have good doctors. They're the ones who did one test more than they usually would "just to check." That's how we found the cancer before I was symptomatic! I *am* in good hands.

I'm sure I'll ride the roller coaster of emotions between now and surgery (and again afterwards), but I am trying to stay focused on living and not this disease. I will keep you all updated on my progress.

Thank you for having such a wonderful site for all of us ladies to join and congregate and share stores and help. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

* I picked my name because when I was registering I was trying to think of a name I don't use anywhere else on the internet. I remembered a story I once heard. The abbreviated version is that God doesn't promise smooth sailing on the sea, yet he does promise to calm the sailor's heart while in the storm. That fit.