Hi
As you acknowledge, I'm no expert. However, I can relate to your symptoms, which for me were caused by the PCOS. I was not diagnosed until after my hysterectomy and ovary removal.
It made a huge difference for me, in the way my HRT is managed. Often, with PCOS, there are issues with Insulin Resistance, which amounts to elevated levels of insulin. Being a hormone itself, insulin fluctuations cause me many of the same symptoms as estrogen fluctuation. For example, if I eat a simple carb before bedtime, I am assured a night sweat ( or a least a huge hot flash) in the middle of the night.
My Dr also explained to me that until the insulin is controlled, it is impossible to find a balance in estrogen because of the confusion of the symptoms. Thyroid imbalance can also cause the same confusion.
I also was recently diagnosed with a Vitamin D deficiency which can be related to the PCOS. PCOS is a disorder of the endocrine system, so any of the hormones can be involved. Many with PCOS also have elevated testosterone levels which can be controlled with meds.
Like you, I spent many years knowing that there was something wrong with me hormonally, and the Dr's I saw never knew what to do with me because the tests they were using didn't show any answers.
Have you asked your Dr about PCOS? Tell him about your suspicions and your daughters diagnosis. (My daughter was also diagnosed before me). Ask him for a fasting insulin blood test. Not everyone with PCOS has Insulin Resistance, but if you do, it puts you at high risk of heart disease and diabetes. I have read that PCOS also puts us at higher risk for some cancers, although I had an oncologist tell me recently that he is not convinced of that.
The truth is that they (the researchers) are just starting to do the research on PCOS. It's cause is not known, and the only treatment as of now, is the treatment of the symptoms. Not all Dr's are aware of the latest in PCOS research. If your Dr is not very interested in helping you with it, then maybe another Dr would be able to help. An Endocrinologist (hormone specialist) is always an option.
I hope this hasn't been too much. For more information on PCOS and how others are being treated, you can visit soulcysters.com. However, I have found very little information there about HRT and surgical menopause with PCOS, as they don't encourage oophorectomy since it doesn't cure PCOS.
I hope you find the answers you need. Let us know what your Dr says.

s and Best Wishes,
Kay