Preop swelling and remarks (children mentioned...CAUTION)

I am severely swollen right now and I'm really hurting (emotionally, always physically). I don't know how to handle remarks. I don't know how to cope with them.

I look 6mo pregnant. No matter what I wear. I would prefer to just look fat and deal with those kind of idiotic comments, but no. I have to look clearly pregnant. I am running out of clothes I can wear because of the swelling. I've outgrown my fat clothes and now truly only comfortable in my pj pants. Even in those with big tshirts I look pregnant!

I am losing my womb. How do I cope with the comments of idiots? I can't keep crying like this and hiding all the time. It's really taking a toll on my mental state. Do I make a sign for everyone? Start printing up the tshirts and campaign pins and vehicle decals?

Please understand that I have already been HUGELY blessed with having children. My choice to have more after my last was robbed of me because of another health issue, but I was at least able to keep my uterus. In some distorted way I was able to keep the "what if hope" alive that way. DH already had a vasectomy in order to make sure we didn't fall into the (we started calling the "itis" a trap) later. I was told to have another I would more than likely die. So, exactly 1yr later (today) I am grieving the loss of never more. Never again. No more hope. No more what ifs. No more, well maybe God's intervention of help.

So, yes. My mental state is really in a bad way right now. My baby is 1yr today and I'm having my hysterectomy on the 26th of the same month! And I won't be able to pick him up. I won't be able to put him to bed or get him up in the mornings. I can't "hold" my baby!

Jessica -

I don't think it matters if you have a child or not, loss is loss. And while really trying not to judge, I think those who say 'well it least you were able to have a child', while maybe trying to put a good spin on things, are misguided. Its right up there with telling a small breasted woman whose having a double mastectomy at least you didn't have that much to lose.

I have no children. DH and I had pretty well decided that was what we wanted but just like you pointed out, the option in one fell swoop was gone. I had 2 co-workers ask one day if I was ok with this. I said 99% of the time, just every now and then (ofcourse with my eyes tearing up) it would catch me off guard. Both have small children and I think got the point that while I had made peace with the outcome, I would rather have had still the option.

I went from a flat belly in Oct 05' to waking one morning in Feb 06' and feeling what felt like a golf ball under my skin a little above my right hip. It was a little spooky and when I tried to 'find it' again, I couldn't. I tried a couple of days in a row, figured maybe it was a bad dream and forgot about it. In May 06', One morning I rolled over and now 'found' a spot that I could just barely cup with my hand. It scared me right up out of bad. Thankfully it was just a fibroid but it was growing so fast. By July when I could finely get an US, it was larger and people were whispering as to when I was 'going to tell everyone'. Even though I went on Lupron injections, that fibroid (my alien) continued to grow along with many smaller siblings.

On a positive, very very vain (sorry) note. I was in jeans I hadn't been able to fit pre-op I think at about a week out and went back to work with a very flat tummy.

I do still seek out the support I get here when I am having bad days. I think its like any other major (yes this is major) loss. You don't get over it, you just find a way to treat it like a bad scar. Some people hide it at all costs. Some people wear it for all to see. And most just try a way to incorporate it back into 'life getting back to normal'.

Julie