Bad Mamo, Spinning, Ripped my Patch Off

Hello sisters. I'm sorry this is long but I am very scared and not reacting well.

I was on here about 7 years ago for awhile through my hysterectomy. I don't remember the abbreviations (Im sure there is a place that tells you this, can't remember) but I had a bad pap. My hometown Dr did cone, clear margins but found cells in scraping. 2 weeks later had hyster - complete, told them to take ovaries too. They said that sometimes (rare) there were "skip lesions". They didn't find anything (skip lesions) but it was over. I did have that hardening (starts with a "D"?) so it's just as well to have it out. I didnt' come back here much - busy, plus I wanted to live a "normal" life and not think about such a horrible scarey time in my life (the hyster). Denial I guess.

I'll give you a little background on this (back then) - I had gone to family health because I didn't have a dr in this new town I was (am) living in. The receptionist called me after pap and said "you have the WORST you could have!! we are setting up appt with Dr so-in-so". I said no, I'm going to my hometown.....she said "you don't have TIME!!". Needless to say I ended up in urgent care asking for nerve pills. That Dr calmed me down some, although my mind was far gone by then. I heard her call family health from the other room and read them the riot act.

Dr put me on Climara patches, .05. I got along with them ok, but was questioning since my sister's Dr (she had uterine cancer - hyster) told her with our family history (mom had breast cancer - survived that) to not use anything. My Dr insisted it wasn't a problem.

Mamo's have come out fine since, except fibro cystic breasts. I always travelled to another town, where my GYN was (he retired since but other drs in that office now) and they had a digital mamo. Fibro gets better when I cut the caffeine. I went 2 years without a mamo and decided to go locally - I don't think this is digital - am wanting to find out, and got these results:

Nodular like density is seen in the extreme posterior portion of the right breast with some associated calcifications. This cannot be specifically identified in the previous study. Spot magnification views and echography are recommended for further evaluation.

Long story here, but since my hyster I took care of mom for a couple years before she died (79, heart failed - she smoked for 65 years). Her quality of life was awful for about the last 15 years with coughing, etc. But she did survive breast cancer (had it when she was like 60). Since her death is 2005 I have not slowed down. I think now not having a living parent I have been running and not caring for myself at all. This has brought me to a halt.

Waiting for the additional tests I feel like throwing up daily, can't eat....nerves getting the best of me. Before my hyster I had something like this in my left breast but it didn't scare me like this. Saw surgeon for months and finally went away. He just kept an eye on it. I'm not reacting so calmly this time. Back then I thought "oh well....lots of people go through this and mom survived". This time I'm reacting horribly and can't stop the bad thinking!!

So....back to my title. I ripped off the Climara patch. Mad....scared. I bought nicotine patches because I've known a long time I need to quit!!! Made a step to smoke outside during this and have those patches ready for the morning I can put one on. Working on that too real hard. Beating myself for being so stupid to continue. whole family smoked.....I grew up with it.

I'm sorry I have so many issues. I'm just spinning and reeling. I'm praying this is one like the other one....but have questions. Does the location mean something bad? "extreme posterior"?? I don't feel a thing! And with allergies and sinus, my right lung has been so congested, so you can imagine what I've done in my mind with that. Although since I've cut WAY down the past few days (since mamo results) and only outside, the congestion is MUCH better - feel like it may be healing (praying).

I have had my priorities WAY off track and out of whack. I hope and pray I get another chance to start over and re-prioritize and take better care of myself.....with no big event. Surgery - biopsy or whatever, scares me to death.

I sure act like a little baby in a 53 year old body

Thanks for listening. Any advice or words of wisdom are SO welcome at this point. I'm debating starting my day with a nerve pill (have old ones from 2004, Dr said they would be ok) but I can't eat and so sensitive to meds that Im afraid to take one on an empty stomach.

Thanks again. And again, sorry this is so long!!!

Ok, so you all are thinking "what a nutcase!" Again, I'm sorry. When I'm reacting like this I tend to just blurt it all out - sometimes it's pretty confusing to read.

Took a 1/4 of a nerve pill to slow my thinking and heading for Dr.

Thanks

jobette; I have heard that a digital mamo is the best one to have and really see all details that are necessary....I would make sure it was digital, try not to think negative thoughts, I know that its easier said than done, but try...when you get a neg. thought, replace it with a positive one and dont think about it anymore.....listen to music, or your fav. cd, etc......
you say you are going to your doctors now....let me us know how it goes....praying that all tests come back normal and all your fears are gone.....hang in there sweetie, have faith....

Thank you 4hisglory.

I went to my family Dr. He said he really doesn't think it's breast cancer and checked out some areas, under arm, etc. I told him my concern about lung and he sent me for an xray. He said he thinks that is brochitis and that quitting smoking is the best thing I can do. I've known that a long time....it's stupid to keep doing it. I'm making myself go outside now for one, have the patches for when I'm brave enough to start it (maybe after these results come in from lung??) and coloring books, crayons, crosswords.

I did finally give in to a nerve pill and that has slowed my thinking. Heck, I take a 1/4 pill, and that's enough for me. Maybe I'll be able to go back to work soon. For now, Im taking some time for me....to regroup and take some care of myself.

I got a letter from the hospital today saying "showed a finding that requires additional imagine studies..." "Most such findings are benign (not cancer)." I am trying to push out negative thoughts, but my first thought was "oh well what else would they say!!"

I did find out something today though....when I went for lung xray I asked about mamo equipment. It is not digital! No wonder when I went to my hometown it seemed much different!

Thanks again for your reply and encouragement.

I will be praying that God gives you a new strenght for you to quit smoking....thats the best thing you can do for yourself sweetie....I know its hard but I know you can do it...

keep those neg. thoughts OUT!! think positive and speak positive things also....

many blessings being sent your way...hang in there..

Hi Jobette,

Posterior breast, just means toward the chest. So what they see is toward the chest, not toward the outside. It does not mean anything bad in and of itself. I had a DCIS, a non invasive form of breast cancer, 10 years ago and am fine, but I know how you are feeling right now. I hope they get to do the further images and whatever tests they want to do done really soon, since the not knowing lets the mind go crazy. I know this is next to impossible, but try to relax about this.

You are doing the best thing for your health overall by quitting smoking. Keep that up.

Best wishes to you - Joanne

Hi Jobette-You are in my prayers . I wanted to answer because I am an xray tech and do mammography and stereotactic breast biopsies. As we tell all our patients our breast tissue changes like everything else in our bodies does. It is not uncommon after a couple of years to see a change. The report mentioned calcifications. Many women develope calcifications in their breast. It has nothing to do with diet or cacium supplements. It just happens. Digital mammography is the best for imaging. All they want to do at this time is magnify the calcifications to get a better look at them. They can do this using the mammo equipment. The echography(ultrasound) can distinguish between cysts, normal tissue and solid areas (solid does not mean a bad thing). The common practice is to do these additional studies and based on their outcome make a decision as to how to proceed. They may decide to watch everything and have you repeat the tests in 6 months, they may say everything looks normal and not to worry, send you for a Breast MRI also or they may recommend a biopsy of the area. If you are recommended for a biopsy remember, statistics are on our side. 85% of findings biopsied are BENIGN. My mother died of breast cancer at age 63. She was in the minority where any indication of a problem doesn't show on a mammogram. I had a density we followed for a year and then they recommended an MRI for me. It was totally normal. I was scared at the time even though I know the process. We can't help the anxiety of the question of something possibly wrong. I hope this has helped you a little. Remember the sisters are here for you. Keep me posted on your progress.

I know where you nerves are at right now as I had just gone through something similar. After a very traumatic day my results came back clump of cysts. They did an aspiration and I am a little sore from it. Did not have to send anything out to biopsy. Try to stay as calm as you can, which I know right now is very hard. You are doing the right thing by going to get these additonal things done because you are so worth it. I will be praying for you that you get good results and you are right to stop smoking! Hugs to you.

Thank you so much everyone! I'm sorry I haven't been back, I thought I would get an email when someone wrote, and I didn't see any emails. Then came in here to update and see these replies!! I'm going to write confusing update in another thread. Thank you so so much!