Stressed about managing household after surgery

I have OCPD for those of you who don't know what that means basically I'm a control freak & a creature of habit rituals & schedules.

I'm having my abdominal hysterectomy (due to severe prolapse) on sept 9th. My husband is only able to be home till the 22nd which is less than two weeks. UNFORTUNATELY the only option we can think of is to have my MIL over at my house from 8am-5pm. I have 3 kids one will be in school from 8:30-3:15 mon-Fri one is 3 & one is 8 months. The 8 month old one is the major reason why I need help durring the day. I can't lift him into the van to take my oldest to school, pick him up from school, get baby from bed ect... I don't know what to do. My MIL is so overbearing I don't think I can handle her running my house cause even tough I will be home that is exactly what she will do then she will go home & bad mouth me to the rest of her family. I am so stressed about this. I don't know what to do. I'm not really scared of the surgery I'm scared of after the surgery when I have to deal with her.

Do you belong to a community group, church, or even play group? maybe you can work something out with some of them to help out. Maybe even hire a teen as a mothers helper. Some college kids are always looking for money and opportunity. Are there any colleges in your area?

For your school age, are there friends he plays with? Other parents might be willing to car pool him for a few weeks...

Just ideas. I know I could not handle someone taking over my house and kids, when they were little.

Kaceyleann,

I can Identify with the OCPD!
Take a deep breath, and use her help!!
Any Woman who talks poorly about another Woman durring this will get no respect anywhere!!

My Surgery is Oct 1, My Aunt is staying with us! I am thankful for that!

I TOO will have to LET GO for a while and when I am feeling better, I can put my house back!

	Quote:
Originally Posted by kaceyleann I have OCPD for those of you who don't know what that means basically I'm a control freak & a creature of habit rituals & schedules. I'm having my abdominal hysterectomy (due to severe prolapse) on sept 9th. My husband is only able to be home till the 22nd which is less than two weeks. UNFORTUNATELY the only option we can think of is to have my MIL over at my house from 8am-5pm. I have 3 kids one will be in school from 8:30-3:15 mon-Fri one is 3 & one is 8 months. The 8 month old one is the major reason why I need help durring the day. I can't lift him into the van to take my oldest to school, pick him up from school, get baby from bed ect... I don't know what to do. My MIL is so overbearing I don't think I can handle her running my house cause even tough I will be home that is exactly what she will do then she will go home & bad mouth me to the rest of her family. I am so stressed about this. I don't know what to do. I'm not really scared of the surgery I'm scared of after the surgery when I have to deal with her.

As a "big" sister I want to let you know that after your surgery and after you come home from the castle.. your not really gonna care if your house is clean, or how overbearing your MIL is. I promise. Let her do what she wants.. and let her do it her way for a bit, you need to fully focus on getting better and resting. Good luck!!!

I guess most of my fear is that everyone will think I'm taking advantage. So even while she is here I won't want to rest I will try to do stuff that I can't do but I can't help it.

My husbands family is like from the 40's where the woman takes care of EVERYTHING no matter what. She keeps telling me how after her hysterectomy she did everything still. Mine is different though I can't get her to understand that. I'm having a mesh put in & have been told by the doc that under no circumstance am I to pick up my baby for 6 weeks AT LEAST.

If I need to rest & nap I will be scared that will make her think I'm taking advantage of her being there & decide all of the sudden she won't come back the next day. She did that to my SIL when she had a hip replacement. Then she went around telling us all about how my SIL & BIL did nothing & she had to do everything.

We can't afford to hire someone to come in as a mother's helper. I'm so stressed out this is driving me crazy. I asked my husband to take a loan to pay bills just so we don't have to worry about this but he won't. I can't blame him much because he doesn't understand he is momma's boy. I will catch all the crap not him.

Hopefully this won't upset the hostess..but.. use the rx that you will get from the doc as your excuse for being tired. You have GOT TO TAKE care of yourself. You can't take care of your babies until you are WELL. Please.. don't let this person that is of a different time make you feel bad. You are entitled to your own thoughts and feelings sweetie. You need to take care of you first and foremost. If she didn't care for you she would'nt be there helping. . try to look at it that way. She wants to help you so let her. I know you have a thousand things going thru your head right now. And once the surgery is over..you will just want to rest and get better. Your body will definately tell you when enuff is enuff. LOL. The more stress you have the harder it will be for your body to recover from this. Please keep in touch..

I can relate my MIL is very much the same way. But I accept the differences and if she has complaints about me the family usually stands up for me. Don't stress over the small things. You need to just rest. Maybe let her read over your discharge info that the hospital will give you. That may help her to understand why you CAN'T do certain things. Good luck to you!!

what were your discharge instructions what can't i do for 6 weeks. Is driving one of the things I can't do for 6 weeks?

My MIL is also a pain, luckily we moved out of state from her so she's really not a problem any more. But when we lived in the same town as her she was a pain. I just told my husband to talk to her or I wasn't going to go her family functions any more. He explained that he's married to me, my home is my home and she wouldn't want anyone coming into her home and taking over. Of course it took some time to make him do it, but he finally did.

I would also suggest that you leave the docs instructions where she can see them. I also have made copies of the do's and don'ts from the hyster sisters hand book. It's on my frig so my husband and all my adult children can see it. Try that too. And also leave the handbook out some where she'll see it.

Good luck and I hope she calms down some for you and really does help.
Pam

I haven't had my surgery yet but my doc gave me generall info for after surgery. No lifting anything for at least six weeks. No housework. Plenty of rest. I am sure that you will be tired your body is recovering from major surgery and you will be on painkillers.

Good luck. Keep us posted!!