kinda in a gloomy mood.( preg mentioned)

I knew before having this surgery I was never going to have another baby Dh had a Vasectomy 14 yrs ago after we got pregnant with our 3rd child. I was ok with this but today for some reason it hit me. I will never ever, even if I wanted to be able to bear another child. Does this make me less of a woman. Am I whole. Did they just take what makes me a woman away from me. Even though I was miserable for years with painful periods, anemia and other health problems I feel that Im not a whole woman now without that organ. I dont know if its because my friend is about to give birth anyday now that has brought on these feelings because they never occured to me prior to my hysterectomy that this would bother me. I have been in a depressed mood all day. Why now, I was happy to get rid of the uterus prior to surgery. I was so happy to think of no more periods then today BOOM it hit me. OMG I am not a whole woman anymore. Will my husband still want to make love to me when its time. Will I have a huge black hole there since I have no cervix. Please tell me this is normal feelings. I was fine with all of this prior to today. Do you think maybe since I still have my ovaries I am ovulating now and it has brought up these feelings this would be the time I would be having my period if I had not had surgery. Maybe Im just over tired, in pain and just plain feel like crap right now and my emotions are raw. Christmas is coming soon and I have hardly gotton prepared for it. If your still reading this thank you. Im sure this too shall pass

Dear Cathie,
First off I was so afraid too that making love to my DH would make him feel diferently towards me, well last night we made love for the first time since my hyst, and it was beautiful, aside from side pain (which I have been dealing w/ since op) I did not feel the pain I used to, and my climax was so easy to attain, second, My DD was the only child God Blessed me w/ I have known for years that more children were not possible for me, but it still hurts that there is noway a miricle can happen again, but know matter what, we are no less of a woman than before, as a matter of fact we are stronger women, we have endured years of pain, and one of the hardest surgeries, and yet we are still here for others, your emotions are very normal, you are grieving a loss and I promise you it dose get better. You are in my prayers. A big to you,
Diana

You are as much of a woman as ever! My situation was similar, with DH having a vasectomy years ago. DD is now 18 and in college, and I never had any intention of having another child. However, I had the same feelings and thoughts as you.....am I a whole woman? Will DH still love me the same? Luckily, DM set me straight......when she had her hyst, I never questioned whether she was still a whole woman, or whether her family would love her any differently. She was DM, the woman that gave birth to me, raised me, and molded me into the person I am today. She had major surgery to make her body well, and I was glad to have her here! Once I was reminded of that, I realized that the same was true for me. I am still the same person, only better now that my body is on it's way to being healthy and fully recovered.

I am going through the same thing you are. DH and I have a 2.5 year old and an 11 month old. We are older parents and therefore never thought we would have another child. That being said, I literally can't think about the fact that I can't have more children. I know it is something that I need to deal with emotionally, but whenever I start to think about it, I get panicky and my mind wanders off to a different topic. Uggghhh...

Hi Cathie

Sorry you are having a gloomy day :-(

I chose not to have children, a decision I made almost 20 years ago, and I was happy with my choice.

Once I knew I needed my hysterectomy I had a day like this.

It is very different to choose not to have children to being unable to have them and I really can understand where you are coming from.

Look at your 3 children and how wonderful they are (maybe not all the time lol), think back to the sleepless night, do you REALLY want to go back there?

You are not less of a woman at all, in fact having been through child birth three times and then a hysterectomy (with complications) you are probably more of a woman than me!

I haven't got a big black hole, I'm filled with kapok, same as a teddy bear :-)

If it is your time in the cycle this is probably PMT but whatever, you will get through this and you will be ready when Christmas comes - us women always are!

Big hugs

Katy

Thank you everyone for being understanding and not thinking im crazy for having these feelings. I am glad Im not alone in this journey and I have friends I can come to when i feel the need. For this I thank you!!!

Cathie,
Please hang in there! It will get better. I gave birth to my son 26 years ago after being told I'd never have any children. After I miscarried 2 babies, we found that it wasn't getting pregnant I had a problem with, it was staying pregnant, and I had my tubes tied. Fast forward through a divorce and several years. Then, when I married my husband, I raised my son and his 3 kids. After my hyster was scheduled, I still had dreams about having more babies. It really disturbed me, and I had my crying jags and doubts. I did realize though, that the surgery was my best option, and I have not regretted it for a second. I know I am still the same "me" that I was before, only better - I have 30 days in a month now. I don't need to check the calendar before I make plans. No more packing enough "supplies" for a small female army before I go out for the day. And on, and on, and on.

take care!
Edie

For me - my last pregnancy was twins. Everyday of the pregnancy I said, "I never want to be pregnant again." My doctor was talking about an ablasion and that scared the crap out of me. I kept thinking, "I would rather have a hysterectomy" Then my doctor told me that what I had need a hysterectomy. I cried and cried and cried.

I went shopping with my pregnant cousin a couple of weeks ago and it hit me that I didn't even have the organ to make that happen anymore. It made me sad. I don't think you are alone.

Angel

Cathie,
If your crazy, then alot of your systers are crazy too.Myself being one of them.I am so glad that you were able to share your feelings w/ us, I truly felt normal knowing I am not alone in my "crazy thoughts"I am glad as well to be among friends, it sure dose help make this journey alot easier.

Cathie
Yep. If you're crazy for your feelings, add me to the top of that list, too. Our situations are so similar, it's eerie. I have 2 wonderful girls, 13 and 14. My husband had a vasectomy after the birth of our last daughter 13 years ago. Since then, I accepted that our family was set -- with a mom, a dad and 2 wonderful girls. When I'd attend a baby shower, or see a newborn at the mall, I'd get a little weepy, realizing I would never have that joy again. But.....but....if we every REALLY changed our minds, we could do a reversal, or harvest his sperm, something.....we could still have more kids.

But now, after November 3rd, I have had to accept the fact that I'll never be able to get pregnant, carry, or give birth to another child ever again. And that hasn't easy. Some days I'm fine with it, some days, I cry like a baby at the realization. I know that most of it is because of my crazy hormones. But, I also know, that no matter how old I get, whether or not I decided to have the hysterectomy, those days would come where I yearned for another child. That's just us as women....and mothers.....it's inate.

From one hystersister to another, we are not only still women...we are MORE women than we ever were. We're strong, and survived years of pain and a serious surgery, only to come out stronger than before (at least, I keep telling myself that on the bad days).......

We're all there with you, Cathie. Be comforted in the fact that we share your fears and no matter how crazy your thoughts might be....we understand! And we're here to remind you that you are whole....and strong...and part of a whole new sisterhood!!