husband not so supportive

Is anyone else going through this? My husband says he's supportive of me doing this but everytime I voice a concern or a fear he acts like this is something I just decided to do. He thinks I went to the doctor and asked for a hysterectomy. I can't get it through his head that you can't just decide to have one. I've been complaining and suffering for years with the heavy bleeding, abdominal pain, and I've had adhesions removed twice due to painful intercourse. I guess I just want him to know that I need this done to improve the quality of my life. Who knows it could save my life. My mother had cervical cancer, and two of my aunts had cervical or uterine cancer. I feel like this is what I have to do. Am i ranting? I think I just needed to vent to someone who understands.

No you aren't ranting - and even if you were - this is the place to do it. Maybe your dh need to go to a dr appointment with you and hear it from the doc.
I told my husband that by next summer he would have a "new woman" and actually it hasn't taken that long. I already feel like a new woman. I have no more pain therefore I have been able to get back to exercising and have lost weight. And our sex life is much better now that there is no pain during intercourse. I am so thankful that I didn't have cancer and am determined to show God my gratitude by taking the best care of myself that I can and being the best wife and mom that I can be means caring for myself.

Let your husband know that you love him and that you will be a better wife by having this done. If he thinks it is going to benefit him and your relationship that might help. He might be fearful of the changes being negative rather than positive.

Praying for you. God bless.

FaithfulFriend is right...men want to know how something is going to benefit THEM. Tell him, even if you have to make stuff up.

Sorry to hear this, sweetpeach. I am fortunate but I have heard this issue come up with friends of mine. I agree that he should go to an appointment with you. This might help. Have your Dr. talk to him.

Listen, if your husband's idea of "being supportive" is merely acquiescing to your decision, how is he going to "be supportive" when you come home for the hospital? Is he going to help you get out of bed and do the shopping and cooking and nursing? I think you'd be doing yourself a real favour by having him have a little chat with your doctor to discuss post-op "support" like another poster suggested.

Have your DH read some of the posts here. Let him see real-life accounts of what post-op recovery is like, the good and the bad.

I am going to tell you a cautionary tale. It is really personal, and it doesn't make me feel good to tell it, but I don't want to see any other sister struggle with this.

I love my husband. Due to circumstances beyond his or my control, he has not been able to spend any time with me now that I am home from the hospital. His boss has decided to play silly buggers and despite knowing that I'd had major surgery, he decided not to let my husband have any time off after all. This decision was made too late for me to be able to make any other arrangements. The result is that I have been completely on my own without any support whatsoever, and I am really and truly resentful and angry.

Looking at my husband last night, I realized that the last thing I want to do is to be intimate with him. I know this is not his fault, but deep inside, I guess I wanted him to man up and declare to his boss that he needed to look after me, and the fact that he didn't has been eating away at me. To me, his support during this time would have been an act of real love and intimacy.

I know this is probably way over the top, but the fact is that we women need a lot of different things if we are to be "intimate". Your husband will be doing himself a HUGE favour if he were to show some support for you now and after this surgery because I guarantee you, if he disappoints you, the ramifications will be far greater than he can imagine.

It is going to take me a long time to get over this, probably more than the miracle date of six weeks' post op. I don't know if I will ever be able to look at my husband in the same way again. Please do not let that happen to you and to your DH. Talk to him and make him reassure you that he will be there for you. Make sure he has a good understanding of what you need. Don't make him guess...tell him straight up. You do not have to make demands; just tell him what you think you will need and tell him that you have every confidence that he will not let you down.

<<<hugs>>>

You have been given some great advice already. I would also have him take a look at misterhyster. By far the one thing that can help a DH who isn't being very supportive is a trip with you to talk to your doctor. Something about the doc telling him the SAME thing you have been telling him will open their eyes.

Hopefully he is just worried about you and this surgery and not sure how to deal with it and he is coming across unsupportive because of it. Try to sit down and talk with him. Explain what you are going through and how you are feeling. Don't forget to also use examples. Like Honey when you said this____ it made me feel like this ____. That always helps and they don't feel like you are blaming them because they have a chance to explain what they meant instead of what they really said.

EnglishLavender--Thank you for sharing this. I know I would feel the same way. A husband not being there undermines the very relationship that we often need in order to be intimate. Sometimes, even hearing that my husband is also unhappy about the circumstances can help me feel better, since it shows me that he's really with me emotionally even if he can't be there physically.

I've been trying to be very clear with my husband about what I'll need. Even the phrase "take care of me" needs to be more specific--help me to the bathroom, bring me juice, come check on me every hour to ask if I need anything, ask each day what I need him to get me from the store, handle all the parenting, etc. I'm already printing lists to post on the fridge for him.

Well, I divorced my husband years ago so I didn't have one around to deal with. I would suggest that you take your husband to your next appointment and let the doctor explain to him in person, in detail, what is wrong, how it is making you feel, how it's fixed and what is involved with recovery. Once he hears all the details, possibly, he'll start to see the light. If he won't go with you then I'd start to ignore him and give him the cold shoulder. He is a guy and may be he's feeling down in side like 'his' whole world is going to change because 'you' are having the surgery. Or, he may be scared and in denial that you have to go through this. There is information on this site for men and, possibly, you could get him to read it over sometime. (Sorry I"m not too sympathetic to husbands who forget marriage is a partnership and spouses should be there for each other). I hope things get better for you! Best wishes.