Update as of June 2009
I ended up being told to wait for sex for 10 to 12 weeks tried around 11 and much pain & bleeding (late Jan 2009). This resulted in vaginal infection #1. Irritated nerves in my thighs that hurt like crazy for about 6 weeks and still not fully resolved but are healing.
Tried about a week later & no infection but still lots of pain. I did have a couple of O's.
About 2 weeks later had vaginal infection #2
Middle of February because of stress of unexpected cancer diagnosis, surgical menopause, pain from intercourse, etc., etc. was diagnosed w/ clinical depression and started anti-depressants. Lost my O's due to final meds that were working for me, overall stress, pain and depression.
In March ended up with both a vaginal and yeast infection.
End of March was my first surveillance follow-up with my gyn-onc. The same day I had an appt w/ a new gyn and she found some granularization which she snipped.
Gyn-onc told me (in very nice way) he was there to treat the cancer but would get me to whomever I needed to get me well. He suggested a uro-gyn that specialized in sexual dysfunction which was caused me more stress because of thinking about sexual dysfunction.
Early April before visit w/ uro-gyn had a UTI w/ bloody urine, lots of pain and stinging.
She is very clinical but knows her stuff. She prescribed pelvic floor rehab and physical therapy which depressed me. Told me I'd have a bit of hard to because without ovaries I wouldn't have testosterone for libido plus no estrogen would cause dryness. She also recommended an Eros therapy device.
Under great stress went to pelvic floor rehab & everyone there is fantastic found both internal and external muscle triggers causing pain. Doing exercises, biofeedback and internal & external massage. Recently told to use dialator at home to help w/ internal stretching to get rid of internal mucsle triggers....great site that explains this type of pain is vaginismus.com. Felt weird about the therapy but therapists kept telling me that it was good I didn't wait, that for other surgeries like shoulder surgery PT is prescribed weeks after the surgery, if I would have waited 6 to 12 months it could have taken longer to resolve. ANother sister recommended this site to give some info on what PT might be like, this was after I started but it's good http://www.pelvicphysiotherapy.com/index.html
She also diagnosed me at the end of April with an autoimmune disease in those regions that no other gyn ever caught. It's called Lichen's Scloerosus and it's chronic, uncurable but controllable. Good thing is that she got it early because it can cause scarring and adhesions that close off the urethra and vagina and cause you to "lose" your labia. Prescribed high powered steroids for eventual intermittent lifelong use.
Found a great yahoo site for LS and found out that estrace and T can help bring back tissues in the area. Originally gyn-onc didn't want me on any estrogen but knowing quality of life issues (and he doesn't know about the LS yet) he said he was okay with vaginal estrogen and he'd just watch me closer. So got the estrace and doing blood work for testosterone.
I had kept at being intimate w/ hubby through all of this even through the pain because I didn't want him to suffer losses I had suffered (I know sounds like a martyr complex but trying to "live" for him was the only thing helping me hang on).
Early in the week we did the deed and I was close to an "o" and very little pain, today we did the deed and I had a wonderful "o" even without the testosterone and wonderfully really no pain. It has been months since an "o"
I still have more PT and I know w/ the estrogen and T (if I go that route) will need to be extra careful with the cancer and I know now that I have LS and have to watch it for the rest of my life but I feel like I'm almost back. Not off the antidepressants yet but I know that will come with time too.
Why do I tell you this because if you get the right doctors, learn things about your body and your issues, get the support of wonderful people (personally and on this site), if you have a DH hopefully he's understanding and supportive (which mine is, the eternal optimist to my pessimism), get physical therapy, check on hormones (not saying you have to do them didn't think I would but the LS tipped the scales) you can get back.
It wasn't / isn't an easy journey for me but I keep moving forward. I hope everyone here finds their support network and their way back.