In need of support!

Hello, I am 36 yo, no kids, single. I have been dealing with endometriosis since I started my period at 13. I was put on birth control when I was 15, 6 surgeries later, horrific pain, medication from birth control to pain pills, I ended with a hysterectomy, 2 years later an oophorectomy because the endo had come back and attacked both my ovaries. They also found adnomyosis after the biopsy from my hysterectomy. I have been avoiding everything for such a long time. I avoid pregnant women, babies, families, dating. I cry alot when I'm alone, I hide things. I have found that so many people have no idea what I go through on a daily basis. I once thought about counting everytime I heard anything about being pregnant, kids, etc. in one day just to prove a point, and just thinking about it got me depressed. I love kids, all my friends have kids, my family, I'm the greatest aunt in the world, but then I go home at night and there is such a huge emptiness sometimes I think it's literally going to swallow me. People don't know what to say to me, other people don't even think about it and want to dicuss their pregnancies with me. The girls get together and I have nothing to contribute to the conversation because I don't have and will never have kids. I can't date because I'm convinced that there is a woman out there that can give him children. I'm tired. I'm scared. And I'm alone. I just found this website yesterday and just started crying, probably from the relief of finding others like me, who understand that I can't talk about kids, I can't talk about husbands or boyfriends, I deal with jealousy and anger on a daily basis, I'm an emotional wreck and I have hopefully found a place where I don't have to hide anymore and pretend that it's just another fabulous day in the neighborhood. So, thank you! I am truley grateful and I have some hope back...
Thanks for listening!
Veolynn

Welcome to HysterSisters. I'm sending (((hugs))) your way. It sounds like you've been dealing with these feelings for so long. I have no words of wisdom for you at this moment, but I wanted to let you know that I'm so glad you found this website. You are not the only one who feels this way. This is such a deeply personal subject, and you don't have to pretend here.

What you describe is how I have often felt. I have felt very useless and that my life is pointless because I haven't (and now can't have) children.

I feel too old to adopt but I have friends who have done that and they say their lives are fulfilled. In the UK they have relaxed the laws around adoption and single people can now legally adopt - I don't know if that could be an option for you in the future?

Deep down I realise my life hasnt turned out how I thought it would- I don't know what the answer is to deal with that realisation yet.... but I'm trying and will let you know if I find out.

Hugs from me too

I am very glad that you found this place. There are people here who will understand. I am 41 & will never have kids either. My sister has a 20 month old little boy & a almost 2 month old little girl so I have had to face that a lot. I love them so much that they make it easy for me. I don't have any thing that will fix how you feel either but please know that you are not alone & many feel the same things you are feeling. You will get lots of support here. Best wishes.

Hi Veolynn - I am so glad that you found this site. You will find the ladies here very helpful and supportive - is there no one you can talk to? Perhaps your family doctor can suggest a support group that meets where you live. I found this route very helpful when I went through a tragic event.

I wish you happiness and please know we care about you and you can always talk about your feeling here, take care,

Veronica
TAH - kept ovaries
almost 1 year post op and feeling pretty good

Thank you all so very much for all the responses. I tell you, I have tried other sites and never got any responses. This is wonderful and such a huge relief. I think I feel better already just knowing that you guys care so much and can UNDERSTAND! Unfortunately for me, there is no one in my small little world that I can talk to. I'm the only one in my family who's ever had this disease and none of my friends have even come close to what I've been through, which I'm glad for them....I guess I mainly just want to get through it somehow and not have such bad feelings everytime I hear about someone having a baby. I want to be happy for them and be there, right now newborns are a huge issue. I feel like I'm going to be sick with grief and I hate that feeling! Definately not expecting quick fixes but just being able to vent to someone who truly knows is more help than I ever thought it could be! So thank you all again!!!!
Tammi