workwise: taking care once returning to work and life...

I am due to (0fficially) go back to work in two weeks.
I have been working via internet since a week post op- part time.
As my screen name indicates I am a secretary-at a High School.
Physically my job is easy- I sit on my but in a climate controlled atmosphere. Stress wise it can be insane- I usually work 45+ hours a week. I have gone in on Friday nights a couple of hours at a time to do stuff when everyone is gone and it is a mess. I am not just secretary- I am everyone's mom so I have to go behind the counselors I work for and clean up after them. Literally and figuratively.
This morning I received an email from our Assistant Principal letting me know that they have pushed a huge project back a week to the week I am due back.(Project due Feb 13th). There is a co-worker that completed this project while I was off but I don't think she will cover for me while I am there!Wonderful. I am freaking out.
To top it off my DH is off most of the winter and starts getting busy- oh - around Feb 15th! So all of the house, animal and child issues will be on my shoulders.
I know from past experience that my immediate supervisor has pushed all of her "extras" to the side until I get back as well. I was feeling pretty good but I am really tired of putting myself and health last at the expense of work. I am mostly venting- thanks for listening. ANYONE who can make suggestion of how to make the transition from semi-invalid to superwoman easier will be my savior! Thanks!

There just isn't a magic cure. It is all in how you MANAGE the tasks/stress. Good ole Dr. Phil likes to say that we teach people how to treat us. This is so true. As a superwoman myself, I am used to running myself ragged to please my boss. This gets me nothing but resentful in the end when I am not recognized as I should be. They have come to expect a certain level of performance out of me that is above and beyond. So how do I handle this? I can give you an example of before my surgery. I was almost disabled with pain (adenomyosis/post ablation syndrome). Horrible... barely made it through work on narcotics then home in bed. But I had to make it through work, and right before the holidays are the worst.

What I did was prioritize everything that was requested of me. I wrote it all down and attacked the most important things first... if someone came and asked me about one of the other tasks, I told them they would either have to wait or take care of it themselves as I was working on high priority projects. Usually repeating myself calmly and firmly 2-3 times would get the message across and the person would go away.

As far as home... can you get help? I have my house cleaned every other week and it has been a Godsend. I don't know how old the kids are, but maybe pitching in more for awhile could be done, with the reward of a trip to somewhere cool, or getting them something they want after this transition time passes. You could also look into hiring babysitters (if your kids are young) and pay them a bit extra to do laundry, dishes, etc.

It has taken me all of my 40 years to actually be able to delegate. I wish I would have done this 20 yrs ago. I wasted so much of my time cleaning, fixing, taking charge, etc.

Good luck and make sure to rest...

CC

Secretarymoss,

I, too, returned to a stressful job overloaded with projects. However, I only worked half-days for the first two weeks, then 6 hours a day for the next two weeks. I would not have been able to make it through the day otherwise.

I did as CC suggested - prioritized so that only the most critical things got done at first. If I had it to do again, I would have delegated a lot more work.

I would recommend you have a talk with your boss and explain that although your spirit is willing, your flesh is still weak (no disrespect intended). Present him/her with a plan for tackling your projects, including a list of who will do what, and your boss, I hope, will be more inclined to understand and accept your plans for your return.

I would come home from work and immediately take a nap before I even thought about dinner. Having help at home is going to be essential, too, especially with your husband's business getting busier. Delegating at home, or hiring help, would be a good idea.

I have been guilty of putting others before myself most of my life. My cancer diagnosis has really propelled me to learn how to take care of myself first. It may be time to substantially alter your "everyone's mom" and "superwoman" roles, as fulfillng those roles may be detrimental to your well being. If we don't take good care of ourselves first, we are not going to be in good shape to take care of others, either.

Best wishes to you.

Thank you so much Sisters!
It is funny that Dr. Phil was quoted- that is my favorite quote!
I am going to put that priority list together-great idea by the way.
I can not afford to hire help- but I might have to do a priority list for that as well.
My immediate supervisor although female has not one cell of empathy in her body- she has proved this countless times while I struggled with the endo- but the assistant principal- also female- is great support. I will create that list and review it with her and then she can let my boss know the plan. That is probably the only way it will work.
I agree that we need to switch priorities and put us on the top.
Thanks for listening and the suggestion. I feel more equipped to do this now.

I know you can do it, Secretarymoss!

Glad to hear that your assistant principal is a great support. As my old boss told me recently, "stick to your guns" and "have the courage of your convictions" on the job. People may be uncomfortable as you move away from being "everyone's mom," but they will get used to it in time so long as you don't give in to the urge to fix things for everyone.

I think a priority list at home is a great idea. After 33 years of marriage, I have been pleasantly surprised to see how DH is now able to handle housework. I know you said your DH is going to be crazy busy, but there is probably something the child(ren) can do to help out. Even something as basic as setting the table is a big help for you and a learning experience for them.

Neighbors, friends and church family were so generous with food that we still had food left when I returned to work. If you have anyone asking if they can help you, I would not hesitate to take the person up on their offer. Even though we are back at work, inside we are still healing for a long time.

Best wishes to you.

I also went back to a "desk job" 6 weeks post op. I had gone in with the intention of only doing 4 hours and ended up doing 6, I could not find the top of my desk for all the paper work. I came home to excruciating pain running down the backs of my legs and had to take some Tylenol extra strength (I should tell you that I did not need any medication for pain since the day after my surgery).

We all try to be superwomen and end up paying the price. If you can, delegate as much work as you can the first couple of weeks. I also found that getting up and taking short walks every hour or so helped with the back pain.

The delegating of work goes for the house as well. I still ask for help with the dinner preparation and housework and I am 12 weeks post op. I have never been one to ask for help and would kill myself to get everything done, well no more. If I learned anything from my surgery it was to ask and accept all offers of help. Anyone bearing food became my instant best friend LOL.

Good luck and best wishes.

I went back to work worrying about only the 'physical' issues such as aching, climbing stairs and getting to and from work. I was so elated to have survived my first week that I believe I posted here to say as much.

Regretfully, I didn't prepare for the emotional/mental turmoil that I also had to get through. I have had some very bad weeks as a result. Now Im trying to stabilize my blood pressure and have been put on sick leave again so I would suggest you speak to your supervisor - going back to any kind of workload is stressful but what is lying in wait for you seems monumentous.

You might regret it - Ive learnt that no matter how 'nice' our colleagues and superiors are, no one really is going to look out for you except yourself.

Take care

I hav

Thanks again for the great feedback. Today I was told by my Principal (male- who is awesome) that the Super. is having a problem with me getting paid for working from home- which would have been WONDERFUL to know -lets say like six weeks ago when I asked about it in the first place. I sent Super an email outlining what I have been doing it and why, I have documented every task and nanosecond that I have worked from home- and let her know that I didn't want to do anything to upset the applecart- only trying to cover my responsibilities while I am out so as not to burden other staff with my absence. I also let everyone know that I was not comfortable doing any more from home without her approval.
This was a GOOD thing- I know now that there is no way I am going back to work until I can go full-time. There is no way they are going to support me doing half days. It makes me angry because the counselor over me took three months maternity off and got paid for every second because she worked from home- and she just started there a year before. I have been there 5 years and always do my work- even when I was sick with endo and couldn't get out of bed I would lay in bed and work from my laptop. I dread the mess I will end up returning to in a few weeks,but it will give me more time to focus completely on my recovery until then.