This is really difficult for me

My surgery is this Tuesday. I have prepared my house, paid the bills, read everything I can about before and after...in short, I have done everything and anything I can to be proactive and positive. Now suddenly I am weepy. What I thought was fear of surgery turns out to be fear of loss of control of my household I think. I have never needed to be taken care of before and my mind and heart are really upset about this.....I AM THE CARE GIVER. See ladies, when we complain about a dh's controling nature, we never consider the power we hold so dear. I have spoken to my therapist about this and am working really hard to let go of the feelings of loss and fear but BOY THIS IS HARD. While my DH tries to take care of me and anticipates my needs...I just want to scream! Heck, I even find it difficult to accept the good wishes of friends who hear I am going in for the procedure. I know it's not gracious or even grateful of me but I squirm every time someone wishes me well. Sorry this post is so long but if I don't vent this somewhere I feel as if my head will burst! If you are reading this, Becky, I promise I will be good but it might kill me LOL.

Carolyn,
I'm new here, but I know exactly what you are talking about! My TAH is scheduled for the same day as you, and I'm going crazy trying to get it all in order, but I just don't have the energy. I don't want to give up control either, but I've been trying to think of it as a vacation. It also helps that my DH loves to take care of me, and I usually am to active and busy to let him! I hope that all goes wonderfully for you, and you are able to relax!

Hi Carolyn,
So sorry to hear you are feeling like you are losing control of your household.

I don't think you will lose control of it at all. Yes, you will need help with housework, laundry and meals and things for several weeks, but you won't be confined to bed for the entire 6-8 week recovery period. I actually was on the sofa more than I was in bed. As long as you are off your feet and resting and drinking your fluids and taking small walks, and not doing anything strenuous, you will fine.

Besides Carolyn....there can be alot of "control" in delegating work to others....!! Just think of it as a "supervisory" role for awhile!!

Best of luck on Tuesday, and try to focus on the recovery time as a time just for you!! All the things that you are doing now will still be there when you are fully recovered, so in the mean time enjoy the break and accept all the help you are offered. Someday you will perhaps be able to return the favor!!
Hugs
Maria

Carolyn,

I am scheduled for a TAB/BSO on Tuesday also.

I was mentioning to my co-workers yesterday, since it is so close to surgery I am not worried about the surgery as much as my household falling apart.

We women do so much, we should be very proud of ourselves.

We also need time to heal and relax, like now when we have a surgery that is major like this.

We will probably feel so much better when this is over. We need to focus on us for now. Our DH's and children will be just find.

I will be praying for all of us on our big day 08/28/01.

Ann

I too am new to this site-reading your message made me realize that I am doing the same type of thing! I am scheduled for surgery of Sept. 21, and feel this great urgency to get our home in order so that I can feel like I CAN recover w/o any feelings of guilt! I also have been feeling so anxious about the surgery, but my DH suggested that I do a few things for myself before surgery to help me feel better, like a manicure, pedicure and having my hair done! I think that is a great idea. It may help in the post-op recovery to feel a little better about myself.
I am grateful to hear all of your stories! It is a big help to know I am not alone in this!
Thanks again,
Aileen

I am reminded daily of what Loretta LaRoche once said, by my dh who knows I have control issues too! She said "If the house is that important, take it with you! Pack up all the dishes and leave them in your trunk until you get home or recover!"
I laughed so hard! It jsut reminded me that I am more important than the darn dishes or how the house is run! And that the little things like dust on the cieling or how everything gets done, just is not a priority!
She even said "I find it interesting that your mother always told you to wear clean undies in the event of an accident---YOu know what happens in an accident? You got it-they don't stay clean!"
She has helped relieved a lot of worries for me. Her video is available at any store, or they can order it
We just have to get it through our heads that life is too short to sweat the small stuff!
I think you are going to be great-cause after all--it will do us a little good to know that someone else cares enough to do it for us!
Hang in there Sweetie! It may not be done "our way" or even the right way, but it will be done. And when we are recovered, we can go back and fix everything!
Love and Hugs.............
Peanut

Carolyn,

My problem isn't home, it's work. My surgery is scheduled for September 11 and I am afraid I won't have time to get everything ready for my substitute. I work in a school district central office and I'm responsible for getting everything ready for the school board meetings; packets, notices, typing everything including minutes, food for members, setting up room and on and on. I'm worried that it either won't get done or worse yet - everything will run smoothly!

If it runs smoothly will it be because of my advanced planning (killing myself doing it) or will it be because "anyone" can do my job. I'm not the least bit worried about losing my job but I really want to have been missed!! I also worry about putting extra stress on the other secretaries. I'm going to have a hard time relaxing with all this self imposed worring!!!

I too am a caregiver. To me it's a lot easier to take care of someone else than to be the recepient of the care. Maybe it's time for us to be taken care of - hopefully we can be gracious and accept the help. Sorry to go on so - think I'm just worried about everything. My kids call me Mom the worry wart!!!

Good luck with your surgery and I'll be praying for all of you going through surgery this week.

Kathy

Pre-surgery is like "nesting" and we all go through that. Do what you have time for...and let the rest go. You'll be totally focused on recovery after surgery.

My dh and kids were troopers....they enjoyed helping me and I enjoyed watching them take on additional responsibilities. It was a learning experience for all of us.

I remember that pre-hyst frenzy oh so well. For me, it was all kinds of things, though not as much the house --- housework never was one of my top priorities --- I had my hyst just before X-Mas and came home the day my daughter turned 5. For the 2 months that preceded my hyst, I was in a frenzy to get the X-Mas presents and birthday presents all bought up, the birthday party organized and over with as well as getting everything ready for my trip to the castle, and my recovery. As if that wasn't enough, I also switched jobs 7 weeks before my hyst!!! And I went to a very demanding job and my replacement came in on the Monday before my Thursday hyst, and didn't pan out..... ouf.... I was litterally out of breath by the time I headed to the castle

One of my many life savers, the biggest one being this web site, were to-do lists. I had several of them: one for the many appointments pre-hyst, one for the stuff to bring to the castle, one for the X-Mas preparations, one for the Birthday preparations and several that were work-related. On all the lists, I prioritized the items and then would delegate those things I couldn't do. as the day neared, many of the high priority items were either dropped or delegated.

This time before your surgery is quite overwhelming. That's why we say it's the worst part. Hang in there: before you know it you'll be on the other side, enjoying your role of pampered

"Becky, I promise I will be good but it might kill me LOL."
Sweety...I know you can do this I have all the faith in the world in you....Let them pamper you...trust me in the long run you will be very glad you did!! Stop by and see me Monday if you get the chance!!! Talk to you real soon!!