Not Coping

I'm have a difficult time coping with my diagnosis. I was cancer free for 11 years and to have it re-occur is just depressing. Being in stage 4 is more depressing. I seem to focus on the negative things. Maybe 5 weeks isn't enough time to adjust but I hate feeling this way. I can't seem to find the positives right now. How do you move from the dismal to the positive? I feel like I can't move forward because I don't have a future any more. Thanks for listening...

{{Gwynnsie}}

Oh hon! I honestly don't know what to say... In comparison, I'm very new to this battle, its only been just over 16 months since my diagnosis and surgery. I can honestly say I don't know if I would feel any different than you are now. However....

I do know that after my first round of chemo when the cancer showed its :evil: face again, this time in the form of a "pleural effusion" in my lung, I honestly thought for a very small amount of time that I might not make it through. Then I got mad! very, very MAD!!! I felt like I had just wasted the last four months going through chemotherapy for nothing! The cancer had immediately come back and was worse to boot! BUT, there was NO WAY I was going to allow this demon to get the best of this girl! (stubborn is my middle name ya know)

Although our situations are different in the type being battled, the fear/pain/anger/frustration is the same I think. But, even though the words "stage 4" are uttered or even just implyed, still does NOT mean that that's it! WRONG!!!

Please let me share what one of my Drs told me with you... it helped me get through the next round of treatments and maintained my hope and confidence levels tremendously. He said... they now view cancer as more of a "chronic illness that will eventually be beat". That statement right there gave me such hope, I repeat it here (and also to myself) often as I'm sure you've seen.

Please know you are in our prayers and here for you every step of the way. We can offer lots of {{hugs}} and have a very large shoulder if you ever need it. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to make this even a little bit easier for you.

Stay strong! You will beat this again!

{{hugs}}

Vicki

(((Gwynnsie))))

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine what this is like for you.

You are very strong to have beat cancer 11 years ago, and you need to find that strength inside you once again! I think we all here can say that going through a cancer diagnosis has changed us and made us stronger. You fought this battle once before and I pray that you can muster up that fight again.

I agree that 5 weeks is not a long time to adjust to this news, and of course you are finding it hard finding the positive. Its alot to take in and I am sure any of us would be feeling the same way.

Going through this just the once, I had the same feelings. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to hear this diagnosis again. As Vicki said, she got mad. I would be the same way.

You are entitled to feel what you feel,and there is no right or wrong way to feel when you hear this. We all deal with feelings differently, and please know that we are here for you in whatever capacity we can be. If you just want to vent and get it all down in writing, do it, we truly understand, and are here to support you.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Gwynnsie!!
Love and Hugs,
Maria

I wish that there was something that I could say or do to help you to think more positively. Maybe you could try this...make a list of everything and everyone that you are thankful for. Even if it is something little, like long walks at sunset. Keep this list next to your bed or some place where you can look at it all the time. That can be your motivation to putting up a fight to get better. Let this list bring you wonderful memories of enjoyment and let that joy carry on within you.
Please remember that we are all here for you, and it's okay if you are feeling rotten or down. We do understand and you shouldn't keep your emotions bottled up inside of you. Take care!!

Gwynnsie, I wish I could do something to take the pain and fear away. It must be so upsetting to have to face this once again. Try not to look to far into the future , taking each day one step at a time. Remember we are all here for you , we love and care about you so much . x x x

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I wish I had some words of wisdom that could take your pain away because it really comes through your posting. Is there anyone you could talk to about your feelings, such as a counselor?

Remember that the Lord is by your side through this -- it may seem like He has deserted you, but He hasn't. I have a saying posted up at my desk that says, "The Lord never promised life would be easy, but He promises to be with you every step of the way." I don't know why we got this horrible disease (or why anyone suffers), but I know that He only chooses the strong people to go through this. We are all strong women, and I know you are a strong person because you overcame cancer 11 years ago and I know that you will overcome it again. The numbers that the doctors use for staging are frightening, but my doctor told me that the instant you are diagnosed, you are automatically a cancer survivor. Try not to let the staging number get you down (easy to say, hard to do, I know).

Stay strong...

Love,

Cyndy