Unintentional cruelty still hurts

I just have to vent a little...

I'm a pretty private person, and prior to my surgery, I was EXTREMELY careful about telling just a few people (all females) at work what kind of surgery I was going to have. Up until my surgery, both doc and I expected just a LSO. Ended up with everything out...

Anyway, since I had my return to work extended by doc, I sent a little email message to my manager to let her know. She was one of the few who knew the expected nature of my surgery, but until I sent her the email, she didn't know the extent of it (I was specific in my email to her), and that the recovery was very difficult for me (thank God I didn't give her very much more detail!). Well, she replied to me, AND THEN CCd THE REPLY TO A DISTRIBUTION LIST!!!!!

I just burst into tears when I saw that. Talk about breach of privacy! There must be 15 or 20 people on the DL, almost NONE of whom had any idea that I was out for gynecological surgery. Most days, I can't even face myself with the knowledge that I've had a hysterectomy, and now this. I just want to crawl into a hole and pull it in after me. I was dreading facing all the folks back at work WITHOUT them knowing about my missing parts. Now I feel like I might just as well walk down Main Street stark naked.

To be fair, I think she just wanted to forward my new return to work date, and didn't even stop to think that she was also forwarding my private business along with it. But I am incredibly bummed about this, feel like I've been betrayed.

I too am a painfully private person and I know how I would feel and react if this had happened to me. I am so sorry that your mananger didn't stop to think before she acted.

All my gyno problems started during the school year( I am a teacher) and I work in a christian school. When everything fell apart that fateful day in feb. , I was rushed to the hosp. with a lung clot, everybody who was connected to the school knew my situation. Students, Parents, teachers, administration and all the churches connected to the school. I found it extremely difficult to face everyone again 3wks later. I had my hyst over the summer and dreaded going back to school to face everyone's care and concern. I ended up giving all of them a standard answer when they asked how I felt. I just said, "fine, I am doing fine." I refused to go into details with anyone. Sometimes people mask their nebbiness with concern. Unless they have gone through the exact same thing then they can not possibly understand anyway.

Even though the cat is out of the bag so to speak, you still have control over the information you choose to give out. Most people avoid the subject totally because they feel too uncomfortable asking about it. Others will be more ignorant and approach you with questions. Just tell them that that is not a subject you wish to discuss with them. If they get rude then tell them to mind their own business. You can control only you and what you decide to tell people. Its going to take a lot of nerve to go in that first day because you will be on edge. Hopefully they will all have the sense to steer clear of the subject. I would also tell your manager that you would appreciate future discretion when it comes to your personal life. Her actions could have been a mere oversight or she may have been concerned about you and wanted to let your fellow employees know how you were doing. In either case, I would definitely get it straightened out with her so it never happens again.

BIG 's


Hugs & Prayers,

for the shot in the arm! I've been all over the map with my feelings about this. Even afraid I was getting nutso (I've been without my patch for a week, so doc could check my hormones - I have none, so the Climara cops are back on duty). I know that it's gonna take an extremely stiff upper lip to face the folks when I go back to work. Thank goodness I still have some time to work on it...

Dear Mary,

When I returned to my job after 6+ weeks of medical leave, a 1" thick file was sitting on my desk, my medical records (everything EVER for the last 10 years!)!! The envelope was not marked confidential, or even addressed to a certain person, so my boss opened it. AND, to add insult to injury, there was a bill for all the copies. Apparently, my request for a copy of my hyst records mailed to my home was twisted around into a result of ALL my records sent to my office

I got a telephone apology from the supervisor of the records department, the proper records mailed to my home, and the photocopying bill was waived. The rest was water under the bridge

I hope my boss (this office is only me & two men) didn't look too close, but I didn't really want ASK him if he did. I later realized that my co-workers around the country didn't know what type of surgery I was out for, so I guess I got to keep a little confidentiality after all (says Twy, as she types out her gyn history & posts it with a personal photo on the worldwide web... ack!!).

Sometimes careless things happen... I hope this will smooth over for you soon! I am sending huge cyberhugs

Dear mary,

I am new here but when I read your story I felt bad for you. I too am somewhat shy and yet everyone at work seems to know all about my misery and complications related to my hyst.

I just wanted you to know you are not alone and I wish more people would be more sensitive out there regarding our private medical issues.

I have had people from work approach me in the grocery store and start talking about my hyst who I barely know.

I sometimes feel like everyone knows my private medical problems at work and it feels too personal for me.

Anyway, you are not alone!!!

Empathizing with you, Brooke

Hi Mary and Lady Hysters,

Not only do I not want to know about my hyst but I just prefer other people not mention it either. I feel very lucky that I work from home (of course not for another week yet!), but my husband, being the outgoing personality type, tells EVERONE he meets that I had surgery and then proceeds to discuss the details. I almost hate to leave the house...I have had people who know me as "Russell's Wife who just had surgery" and ask me if I am doing better? - I hate to tell y'all that I am such a smart *** I ussually respond with - "Better than what?". I know I should just smile and be polite...but I am so angry that strangers want some reasurrance from me that this was "OK" - IT WASN"T OK!! (Now I'm crying again...I hate these Hormones).

Well, that's my tyrate for today...sorry.

Hi Mary, I'm sorry your privacy was invaded that way. It's amazing how unthinking people can be. Remember when the media reported that Arthur Ashe had Aids. What a terrible invasion of his privacy. Yet good came out of it. People realized it was a disease not relegated only to certain lifestyles.
Perhaps you will be able to help someone facing a hysterectomy or gyn problem. Maybe some good will come out of it. You may also find out that many others have had the same surgery.
Anyway, what's done is done and what's a real concern to us is usually of no concern to anyone else, like how our hair looks, our weight, etc. I know you'll make the best of it.

SUSKI
LAVH/BSO 12/21/00
Endometrial Cancer

you can take a copy of the email with the distribution list and march right over to Human Resources and make a formal complaint. This is a privacy issue that was breached and a complaint can be placed in her file. She may suffer some sort of reprimand. Don't know the laws in your state, but where I was in Human Resources, this information cannot be shared outside those with a need to know.

She could be in a heap of trouble.

If the manager was some pointy-haired boss who deserved it, I would make a complaint. However, I know that it was just obliviousness that made her do it - and as soon as I stopped crying, I did fire off a pretty firm response telling her that this was confidential information, and NOT to give it out to anyone else. If it happens again, believe me, I will make the complaint!

Ojeez Mary! My sympathy. I'm with you I would preferred no one knew what I was doing, but sighhhhh my Dear Husband blew it. Ah well . . . Whenever anyone asks how I am, I say:
Doing better every day and how are you?

If they ask something REALLY stupid like:
How do you feel having had all your FEMALE organs out --
I ask them (with an incredulous look)
Why in Heavens name would you ask THAT?
and then I say really quickly, "You know, I've really must make a phone call or hit the ladies room or whatever and speed away.

You know, bottom line . . . we REALLY don't have to answer anything just because someone asks us.

wendy