Always Laugh, my Cancer Story...

I have found many uses for maxi pads, since I have bought 10 billion in my lifetime (or something like that). People always wonder why I didn't go to the dr earlier about my problems and simply it was fear. Over my lifetime I have had adversity, I survived child sex abuse and rape when I was younger and NO I did not want to subject myself to going to the gynocologist. Eventually though I knew I had to. Cancer saved my life. Because being cured of it and other problems I had to be be looked at in my private area many MANY times, countless intrusions. It was never fun because at times I would have flashbacks of other things. But in my cynical view I would always be making jokes because I'd rather be laughing than crying. I always thought God's Irony on Me having a hysterectomy near Mothers Day. I am like haha God, thanks. Now two years later and I am remission I have a new lease on life........it began like this........

I always had to look for different stores to buy the pads at, its not normal for a person to buy that stuff every week. I knew I wasn't normal, and really I knew I didn't smell great, so I kept my distance. Eventually I got brave when I was 23 years old, 4 years ago. I went to my peditrician and had my first gynological exam, he told me I had a cyst. He was wrong, he sent me one of the top specialists in our area, he was wrong and told me I had something that wasn't lifew threatening just annoying. For awhile I believed that, and finally when I was 25, I found a competent gynocologist.

I had a massive non-cancerous tumor, in some places they actually call it by gestional stages of a baby (which is messed up!) the size of a baseball. I didn't want to go under, so my legs were strapped to a heart monitor. I gave birth to a brown disgusting glob, and I thought it was over, it wasn't........

Finally I could have a normal pap smear after it healed. It was abnormal.

I had uterine cancer cells. I was like cells? Like two LOL? I thought they were rogue beings floating around. Uhh no. After my cervix had been open for so long from the tumor it had made me more apt for other problems. Two years ago I had a hysterectomy and countless appointments to make sure I stay in remission.

Having cancer gave me my life back because I truly knew I wanted to stay alive after that. Past abuse made me feel not that way.

It hasn't always been fun, but I always make sure to laugh everyday and value things I didn't before.

I am many things, just not a person who had cancer. And those things make me who I am, not that.

I am not brave, or strong, I am just me. Forever laughing and making jokes, and that is what I want to be known for.

Crystal