I think I've made the decision to have a hysterectomy.
God, it's painful to even say it. I'm just 31. I have, thankfully, one beautiful 3 year old boy. My pregnancy was very rough. I had preeclampsia from 22 weeks on. I was on bedrest for four months. He was a month early.
I was pregnant twice before - one son was stillborn due to genetic disorders, one miscarriage.
My son is a miracle. Though, our live s are not easy. He has Autism and recieves therapy 7 days a week.
My husband doesn't want more children. I know we shouldn't even think of it. It's not easy to accept.
Last year I was diagnosed with endometriosis. Three weeks out of every month are torturous. The pain, bloating, cramping...
I can't take hormonal birth control. I have done the copper IUD and had horrible pain.
I had to have LEEP done in 2004 for precancerous cervical cells.
I'm a gynocological trainwreck.
I think I've finally decided to take my doctor up on having a hysterectomy. We'll leave the ovaries because I'm not wanting to do hormones (same reason I haven't tried Lupron). It just seems so major though.
I'm scared. To make such a profound decision at 31...to know I'll never be able to get pregnant again. But at the same time, I know that already, it's just that it would be so final.
My husband doesn't get why it's so hard to say goodbye to my fertility. He says we are blessed to have one child. He's right...but...that doesn't make it hurt less.
Anyway, I don't know who to talk to about this. I feel very alone. I don't want to live in pain anymore, I know that much.
Thanks for listening.