Support for afterwards with young children

My husband is in school full time right now and cannot take any day other than my surgery off. I am worried about how things will be when I come home. My children are 2 and 3. They are use to being carried at times still, and are always jumping all over me. I dont really have any other support etc that can come and help me with every day things.
Am I going to need to hire someone??? Or are the chances ok that I can do it on my own?
For example my 2yr old daughters room is upstairs, a curved staircase. She naps every day and when she gets up etc she is not comfortable on the stairs so I have to go up and get her and carry her up and down. Right from the day I get home. Is that possible or no?

You are going to need to hire someone.

You will not be able to lift your children as doctors normally recommend not lifting more than around 5 pounds initially and 10-20 pounds after a few weeks. Also you are not going to be able to do those everyday activities (bending, lifting, stretching, reaching, pulling, loading the dishwasher, laundry, cooking, extensive walking, running, giving baths, driving...etc...) that you are used to performing.

Also will not have the energy to run after your children and going up and down stairs will also be an issue for you.

You did not mention what type of surgery you're having and really, it doesn't matter. You are going to have hundreds of internal stitches and depending on the procedure, you may have external ones as well. You are also going to have residual pain. Trust me when I tell you that should your children start jumping all over you, you will have internal damage.

You have only one chance to heal correctly. That means getting as much rest as possible and letting someone else perform the duties you're used to doing, and that's why I'm strongly recommending hiring someone to assist you...

Thank you. I am having a TAH and bladder repair of some kind.

OMG! Yes, please hire someone! You will be prolonging your recovery if you try and do it without help, and that would be worse IMO for your family and your peace of mind.

I just had a LSH, and there's no way I could have taken care of small children -- I couldn't even feed our cats, and that was during what has been a very smooth and fast recovery.

If you don't know anyone who can recommend a mature, calm, reliable helper, call the hospital where the procedure will be done and ask to speak with their social worker, then tell her what you wrote us and tell her you need some help to take care of your little ones.

Or...your husband may need to ask his professors to email him assignments, and work remotely to keep up while helping.

Anyway, we're thinking of you -- do plan on some help, for sure!

I have 4 children, 12, 10, 3 and almost 2. I had a very easy surgery and recovery, but there is NO WAY I would have been able to do a thing that first week without help. I was on my own the second week, and even then, it was tough. When the little boys wanted to get picked up, I would get on the floor and snuggle them that way. I held my youngest's hand on stairs.

I was able to get up and move around, but I was really tired. I can function pretty well on little sleep, but a shower would just knock me out. You will be amazed at how tired you can get.

The hardest part, for me, was getting my youngest into and out of his crib. I did it, but my dr gave me a 25 lb weight restriction and he is not that heavy. If your little one isn't in a crib anymore, that may be easier, but you will not be able to pick them up.

Good luck to you!!! You will be surprised at how fast the time passes, but definitely have someone to help you especially that first week post-op.

Allie-
I am feeling a bit worried about childcare afterward too. My kids are 21mos, 6, 8, 10, and 13. The big kids all start school on the 1st and can get themselves up and dressed and it is a short walk to the bus stop so I can go with them. But, my baby still sleeps in a crib and naptime will be when the kids are in school (they can help get him up in the morning and get him up from his nap in the afternoon). I'm not sure how I'm going to get him IN to his bed. I'm starting today by putting the step stool by his crib to see if he can get in. I'm also planning having my mom come at naptime for the first few days after I'm home. (She'll have all 5 kids while I'm in the hospital since DH will be with me.) DH will have to go back to work the Monday after my surgery, but may be able to get one or two days to work from home.

Diaper changes have me worried too. While I can do them on the floor or having him crawl up on my bed, he likes to kick his legs and I'm afraid he'll kick my belly. Something else we're working on this week.

I think if hiring someone is an option, you should go for it. I don't think we'll be able to recover well if we're having to take care of little people. I know I will be relying heavily on others while I recover, even some of my older kids. Mostly, I just wanted you to know you're not alone and that many of us here are facing recovery with young kids. I hope you can get something worked out.

Hi Allie,
I have four kids, 8, 6, 5, 3. There is just no way, I'm sorry to say, that you will be able to be ON DUTY. We gotta find some daycare for them or someone to come in to help you. My TVH was one week ago, and I can't tell you how tired I am from just a shower. I can make a quick lunch, but then I'm down for the count for awhile. NO laundry...not too many stairs..yesterday I went up and down ours too many times and the bleeding picked right up. I don't want to wreck this!!! I don't want you to wreck yours. Even if you have a very smooth recovery (I'll classify mine as this so far even though I'm only a week in), you are going to get exhausted quicker than you can imagine, and doing too much will definitely do damage or set you back further. We need to to recover quicker so you can get back to work!
I like some of the ideas on here so far...are there any other options available to you?
*example*- yesterday my 5 year old got the door shut on her foot and she was howling. DH was across the street, on his way, but not there yet. I couldn't pick her up and I couldn't get down far enough to where she was to be of any use. So I stood there while she clung to my leg crying.
You're going to need some help! We want you to heal properly right off the bat. There are so many other things I hadn't thought of- regarding myself- like just being comfortable, feeling funny things, trying to have a stinkin' bowel movement...making myself food to eat etc.
You should see me, I'm all worked up over this. Is there anyone you can reach out to???

Hi Allie74

If there is any way to have someone home to do childcare for the first two or three weeks, that would be best. In addition to your lifting restrictions and the fact that you have to rest to heal, you don't know how you'll do with the pain medications and you'll be grateful to have someone else there to make decisions and be responsible. If there are no family or friends who would be willing to take some shifts to help you out, churches often have groups of women who are willing to help out in situations like this.

You have over a month to go before your surgery, and that is time to start changing how you do some things with your kids. As tempting as it is to carry them, you can begin to transition away from that. They'll complain, but after a few weeks they'll have adjusted fine. And since this will happen before your surgery, you'll still be able to give them lots of cuddles and attention in other ways to help them make the adjustment.

We have an article on our Post-op Resources page that gives some tips. It's called "Recovering with Small Children." Perhaps you'll find some ideas in there that can work for you once you do feel up to resume some of your regular routine.

You have one chance to heal right, so if there's anyway to have others watch after your children while you recover, you'll have the best outcome.

Hi, just read your post. Carrying your children post op will be dangerous for them as well as for your own health. Especially on a curved stair case. You'll have to make arrangements for someone to help care for them for at least the first week much longer if possible. You do not want to have complications and prolong your recovery nor do you want to endanger your children. Start thinking about community resources that may be helpful. Local college kids, senior citizens, church members, pre-school, pediatrician anyone that may be able to come and help with the kids during your recovery. You have time and I'm sure you'll be able to set up a solution that is right for your family.

You will defiantly need help. I was not allowed to lift anything more than 5 pounds for 4 weeks that got extended to 6 weeks. You will really have to take it easy for all the internal stitches to heal. You will have a lot of restrictions. It would not really be safe for you or your children for a few weeks. Please take it easy.