I guess I needed a place to journal, so this is as good a spot as any, so sayeth the "keeper of the keys...ya'll"
I had some bleeding, very light for a person who had fibroid tumours years ago and filled a super plus tampon and an overnight pad in an hour! But, I thought, hmmmm, this is strange. Am I supposed to bleed in menopause? Should I have this checked out.
Life being as it is, I didn't go in that month. But, it happened again and I thought I would set up an appointment with the female PA for a consult. She saw me on 11/6, and sat down with a serious look on her face. She said "we take post menopausal bleeding very seriously, I'm glad you came in". I asked her why they take it seriously, but wasn't prepared for the answer, not really.
She said it can be a symptom of "uterine cancer". Really, I don't remember what she said after that, something about an endometrial biopsy, right now if we could. Sure, I said, as I began to get anxious about the other new word; "biopsy".
Really, I didn't think this was possible. Not me, I eat vegetables, and fruits, and tofu, for crying out loud. Okay, there's that 20, or 30 extra pounds I could lose, but still!!! I do yoga, and I even workout, sometimes. I grow my own vegetable, even!!! What were they thinking???
So, I had to wait a week...........and that means seven......long..........days.............until I got my results. Then, on Friday the 13th when I called, she said I had endometrial cancer, but it was very early, well defined, and stage 1. She would set up an appointment with the gyn for me early next week.
I cried. It's the only time I cried so far. I had an appointment with my facialist. While I laid on the table waiting for her, it hit me. I couldn't figure out what to do, what to say to people, and how to act. She was the first one I told, but mostly because I was crying when she came in. She was very comforting, and shared that she had some precancerous cervical issues she was having checked out.
We talked about the cancer word!!!!
I called the PA back later for information I could process.
So, really, I have trouble telling people, not that I am having a medical procedure, not that I am having a hysterectomy, but that I have cancer.
I want to explain......"but it's stage 1, grade 1, and it will be out with no chemo required". Why do I have to be quick to say it? Is it for them or for me? What does it mean that I have to explain? I think I feel as though I did something wrong, or that people will judge me, or be scared or sympathize in that patronizing way that some people have of sympathizing.
I'm getting better about it, in small bits. I have settled into the idea of the hysterectomy, as much as one can settle into that. Really, I think the worst part will be constipation. I look forward to my morning constitutional as a healthy barometer.
So, for now, that is my story. I will update you as my story, and my surgery, are developing.