First Emotional Breakdown (Children mentioned)

A little background here...We have three children ages 11, 13, & 14. Five years ago we decided to have another child and have tried desperately since.

Anyway, four days after surgery my youngest was asking me questions about the surgery. I joked that at least I won't have periods anymore and she seemed shocked. We have talked about my surgery before & thought she understood it. So, I told her that this meant for sure that there would not be any baby brother or sister. They have all wanted one too. She was shocked. Somehow she still thought we would be trying. Well of course, I could barely even get the words out of my mouth. Of course this led to my first emotional breakdown. I know it was so much more important to make sure I am here for a very long time with my children. That meant I had to give up my dream of more children but it is what it is & I would do absolutely anything for my children.

I am sure this will not be my only breakdown. I do hope it will get easier. I feel guilty for feeling any loss b/c I was blessed with children, but that doesn't lessen the feeling of longing for another child. I wanted each of them as much and love them each as much. Many people never could even understand why I would want another child especially since I have at least a boy & girl.

I am trying to prove to everyone around me I have it together but really I don't. This is the only place I really feel I can air my true feelings. My heart aches everyday. I can't even begin to tell you how much I longed for another child.

PLEASE tell me it gets easier. Being ultra hormonal really does not help thing any!

Thanks!!!

Hi Angie,

I'm not sure when it gets easier (feeling that loss) but hopefully it does. You're story brougt tears to my eyes because I feel the same - having 4 children (22 (and married), 15, 10, and 3) - I still want another baby. That longing for one - is what touched me, that's what I feel - still. And I agree - being ultra hormonal - well, it doesn't make you think - aww - I'll get over this. I just wonder sometimes too how old I"m going to be when or if these feelings ever subside...(?)

I knew though having another childe wasn't going to be much of an option with the problems that have been increasing since my 20s (heavier and heavier periods) and shorter and shorter term pregnancies... my last little one was 5 weeks early so It wasn't in my cards to do this again safely and I even had a type of tubal soon after she was born (I'd miscarried just before getting pregnant with her - I didn't think I cuold go through that again either. And then 2 1/2 years later was actually researching having that process reversed because I just wanted so despartely to have another child...

But here in the present, - KNOWING that NOW there is no chance, I'm dealing with that sadness all over again. I'm SO okay with adoption though and that has become a tender spot in my heart and given me new hope. I don't know if we'll ever do that but somehow it's helping the loss of being able to have more of my own children, a little more bearable. Just knowing there is an option left.

I pray that your spirit will be soothed by the love of God and that he'll grant you and your family peace. HUGE HUGS to you. And some shared tears as well.

I feel the same way, I know I was done having children 5 boys and I had my tubes tide. but still I feel now there will never be the girl I wanted. but I do know it was necessary to have this surgery and I'm glad i did but I do hurt to know that the little girl I always wanted will never be.

I believe God has a plan. I had been told all of my adult life I could not have babies and after 5 miscarriages, miraculously I had my son when I turned 30, my mentrual problems became worse and worse. Once again I was told no more babies, and as I got older I started to accept it. Then again, at 38 I got pregnant and had my daughter. I knew things were going to go downhill from there and I did not want to take any chances. I had my tubes tied right then and there after my c-section. So when my uterus almost killed me and had to come out I was okay with the idea of not having anymore children. I had to be happy with what I had, and I was.

The recent earthquake in Haiti has orphaned thousands of children, wouldn't it be wonderful if those of us who want more babies but cannot, helped out other children in need? Maybe this was part of the plan for us. I am considering looking into getting two of the older children as they will probably not get adopted. Just a thought and might be a solution to help with your longing. Hopefully, your hormones will mellow out and it won't be so painful for you, but when you get low, just try to remember how fortunate you are to have just what you have and forget about what you don't have. We have what we have and what we don't for a reason, and that reason is bigger than we can imagine. God is good.

I can understand you sorrow completely. I had 3 miscarriages resulting in the loss of 4 babies in the past 2 years. The last 2 being in April and August 2009. During this last miscarriage, ultrasound showed hardly any wall for a sac to attach. Filled with fibroids, there was no way I could carry past the first trimester. Added in, they found my left ovary with complex cysts and tumors as well as my right. My husband was out on the water that day so I found this all out myself alone. I am blessed with 3 daughters from a previous marriage. It was so incredibly hard telling him that I was in the process of losing another pregnancy, let alone not able to carry again. There were too many fibroids growing to even consider surgery to remove them. At the same time this was happening, my sister was pregnant. I watch her children on her work days. I adore my 3 month old nephew but it is very hard. We have talked about adoption or foster care. Not really sure what we will do. I want to get through this recovery. I know your heart breaks but we are strong women..we can deal with this and learn from it and grow from it..

I was suprised by how much I hurt over not being able to have another child, although I was fine and had accepted not having another. I have two boys 10-13, but would have on some level, loved to have tried for a girl. I really didn't think about it too much before surgery, as I wanted to be out of pain and not bleeding. But afterward, I see babies sometimes and tears come to my eyes. I just think that it's really not about whether we wanted a baby or not, it's just now WE CAN"T, and it's so final.

I am sorry for those of you who have never been able to have a child, my heart goes out to you all. I had a tubal miscarriage, and was told I would NEVER be able to have kids again, I was young, and it was heart breaking, so I can understand how you feel. It is an awful feeling. I was blessed w/ another child, God willing. Even him was my miracle baby. My levels were going up and all that, but there was NO baby on ultra sound, uterus was looking like it was pregnant, but no baby. They wanted to give me a shot of chemo therapy to get rid of it, like they did the first one. I felt preg and so, they did laproscopy surgery and there he was finally, in the folds of the uterus. I am sorry this is a bit off topic.

I agree, God has a plan for each of us, we just don't know what it is sometimes. I wish that each of you find peace and a solution to fill the void in your lives. We all have many great qualities to give and are very strong woman. Bless you all and many many (((HUGS)))