The fog is slowly lifting

Ladies,

I had my surgery May of 2000 just one year after my father who was my best friend had passed away. I never really let myself grieve in the first place for that and then BAM a hysterectomy later I was not grieving for that either. Well to make a very long, complicated story short, I lived in denial for two years. I keep believing that if I just lived to be happy that all would be well, it wasn't. This year alone I've had two surgeries and other procedures trying to get to root of my pain. I've been accused of being addicted to pain meds by some doctors and told by others my tolerance for pain was by far surpassable than anyone they had ever treated. So what's a girl to do??? I am finally doing the opposite of what I did to begin with, I'm turning my life around and giving myself some time and space to figure out what I'm going to do in my "new life" without my dad and the ability to conceive a child. That didn't take my right away to care for a child or love a child just the ability to conceive one. So I'm not going to wallow in self pity, the old me would have loved to do nothing more, and find my happiness in life. I'm still very saddened by the fact I'll never know what its like to carry a child for 9 months and then experience the joys of child birth but I can make a difference in a childs life as well as adults too. I have the ability to reach out and help those around me who need help and in turn they can help me understand that maybe my life isn't as rotten as I once thought it was. I turned my back on my marriage, my family and my friends. For a time I even turned my back on God and hide in pain and darkness just waiting for it to end, you know what?? It didn't, not until I stood up and opened a window in my heart and let others in, its a slow process but one worth taking. Please, please, please if anyone needs anything let me know, I've been down many rough roads and I'm sure I have more to travel down but with love, family and friends nothing is impossible.

Hi Tara

First off a BIG You have been through so much and yet pulled yourself out of it. For that I commend you! There is not many people that can do that. Just wanted to let you know that your story touched my heart as I am sure that it will so many others. Especially for the other ladies that are feeling down and helpless. There is a at the end of the tunnel...it is just waiting to be found. God Bless and take care

Nice to meet you Ann, thank you for your wonderful reply. What a way to start the day

Dear Tara,

Thanks for posting... I remember talking to you before in IM.

Welcome HOME!!

Sending cyberhugs

Hello Tara,

Thank you for your willingness to share so much about your life. It really helps to know that the seemingly impossible can be overcome.
Heartaches do seem to come by the dozen, don't they? It has always been an amazing revelation to me to see just how much pain a human heart can endure and still come out a survivor. You have a fantastic outlook on life and I hope you have smooth sailing from now on.

Hugs and Prayers,

Thank you ladies *blush* and it is nice to be home Twyla. I spent four hours in the Urgent Care Center today with compacted bowels and a massive headache, I managed to convince them to let me come home and try to get my bowels moving. I'm doing better now and will keep you posted on how it goes.

I'm not ashamed to admit the wrongs in my life and the struggles I have had, I just want people to know that things are okay as long as you have faith.

How are all those poochies of yours? I remember you posting at FWF about them.

God makes all things new again, sweetie. I am so glad things have improved for you and through those windows blow a gentle breeze.

{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

kaatie

My furbabies are wonderful, I have three of em and they each have a personality of his or her own. I'm feeling a bit better today, slept most of it away but that is what I need right now.