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Never wanted kids, now maybe I do?? Never wanted kids, now maybe I do??

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Unread 04-04-2010, 11:11 AM
Never wanted kids, now maybe I do??

Hi there,
I am 30 years old. I had a complete hysterectomy on 1/4/10. I do not have any children. Previously, I was adamant that I never wanted children. However, over the past month, I've started feeling like maybe I do. Is this normal? Was I just telling myself I didn't want children all these years because I always had so many problems w/my reproductive organs (I had 2 uteruses, recurring cysts on ovaries, endometriosis and one blue ovary...whatever that is). I'm on HRT (Vivelle patch). What is going on? Could it be the HRT that is making me feel like I want kids? Or, maybe it's just the finality of it now, since I can't have them?? I would appreciate any feedback from anyone who can relate.
Many thanks for the much-needed support!
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Unread 04-04-2010, 11:41 AM
Re: Never wanted kids, now maybe I do??

I did not have children by choice and when I was in my 30's went through a period where I asked the same questions you are asking... had I made the right choice, etc... I had a coworker at the time who had younger children and she took me aside and told me all the realities of her life ..... made me feel lots better, believe me.... so, everyone is completely different... you may be right that it is just the finality of the surgery... or you may be wanting to consider adoption. Just take your time...
Unread 04-04-2010, 12:12 PM
Re: Never wanted kids, now maybe I do??

Thank you for the feedback. I think my desire for a child comes after I visit with my beautiful 8 month old nephew, who is such a wonderful baby. I do need to remind myself of the realities of having a child and the life long commitment. Perhaps this is just a point of self-reflection in my life, or something. ;-) Darn hormones!!
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Unread 04-04-2010, 12:37 PM
Re: Never wanted kids, now maybe I do??


Maybe volunteer to babysit your nephew to give his parents a break. See if that fills the void a little. It just may take care of all those feelings. This is coming from a 51 year old mother of two and grandmother of three. I gotta say, the grandmother part is much better because after a while the kids get to go home. LOL All of the pleasure of seeing them but none of the day to day pressure, and stress.
Unread 04-04-2010, 01:16 PM
Re: Never wanted kids, now maybe I do??

Sometimes things have a way of just creeping up on you. Babysitting and volunteering to help others with kids is a great idea. Then you will know, or at least have a better idea.

Happy Passover, and Happy Easter!
Unread 04-04-2010, 03:53 PM
Re: Never wanted kids, now maybe I do??

You never know why that feeling creeps in. For me it came in my 20s. After struggling for years with infertility we finally adopted a beautiful little boy that was 7 years ago. Last March we brought home our second son that we too adopted. He is 22 months. There are other options out there. You do not need to have a child that is biologically related to you in order to have children and to love them. Keep an open heart and see where it leads you. I often think thank god for unanswered prayers because had I gotten pregnant we would not have the two great boys that we do.
Unread 04-05-2010, 12:47 AM
Re: Never wanted kids, now maybe I do??

I think its sometimes wanting something you can't have. Before I did IVF I thought if it works great, if it doesn't it's meant to be. Well fast forward to a few failed cycles and I was DESPERATE for a baby. I think that if I didn't have fertility problems I wouldn't have had that desperation. Knowing that you can have a baby but choose not to is easier to live with.
Unread 04-05-2010, 08:46 AM
Re: Never wanted kids, now maybe I do??

I was just like you I had never wanted kids when I had my hyst when I was 27. And every once and a while I will think that I want them now...I think it is doesn't happen alot anymore b/c I love getting to be "aunt" that way when the kids scream (or change diaper) I can give them back
Unread 04-06-2010, 12:12 AM
Re: Never wanted kids, now maybe I do??

I feel for you. I am 33 and had to have a hysterectomy. This was discovered as we were starting the IVF program. I have no words of wisdom as I struggle with this myself.
Time, is the only thing that helps. My doctors told me I would be dead now if I didn't have the surgery when I did. This brings me a little comfort. Be nice to yourself. Spoil yourself silly and enjoy every moment to be you. I think society dictates we are less of a woman if we don't have children. I say NO.
Unread 04-07-2010, 10:10 PM
Re: Never wanted kids, now maybe I do??

Thank you for the feedback, HSista. I hope you are hanging in there. I think for me it might really have a lot to do with knowing that I can't have kids anymore. I suppose that before the surgery, I still felt like I had options...(even though I had 2 uteruses, one ovary w/a cyst and the other ovary was blue). A friend from HS, who I only speak to several times a year texted me the other day asking if I was pregnant yet. (She didn't know I had the surgery). Then, I think she felt sorry for me when I filled her in. I don't feel sorry for me, I don't want other people to. Just hard to resolve it in my mind, more than anything. Guess it's like a loss, saying goodbye to all my pieces and parts. Ha! :-(

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